Did you hear the one about the woman who married her dream man and then her life turned into a nightmare of domestic abuse, multiple personalities, and terror? You know, the one where she had to form a plan to escape, live in hiding for years, and raise her 5 children as single mother; three of which had autism. And that’s not even half the story. Well if you missed that one, catch it here on The Remarkable People Podcast Episode 5: The April Tribe Giauque story!
April T Giauque mother of nine (9) children is a published author, empowerment speaker, writing coach, and Ghostwriter. She empowers women to move from trauma to truth and darkness to light by helping them uncover the heart of their story and share it boldly through writing and speaking. She also helps the victims become victors through the key role that Supporters are in their lives. She speaks nationally helping Supporters to narrow their gap of fear that limits them from helping and empowers them to understand their role in helping victims to become victors!
CONNECT WITH APRIL:
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/april.giauque
- IG: aprilgiauque
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/TribeApril
- Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/apriltribegiauque
- Ghostwriter: www.apriltribegiauque.com
BOOKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED:
- Buy April’s Book and Help it Get to the Silver Screen! Click Here-> Pinpoints of Light: Escaping the Abyss of Abuse
- Supporter’s Toolkit: https://www.thesupportertoolkit.com/toolkit29542929
ENJOYING THE PODCAST? 🙂
Please consider leaving us a short review on Apple Podcasts and your other favorite podcast directories. It only takes seconds and really makes a powerful difference in us booking well-known guests for you to learn from and enjoy.
LOOKING FOR SHOW NOTES, PAST GUESTS, AND TRANSCRIPTS?
Please visit DavidPasqualone.com/RPP
INTERESTED IN SPONSORING THE PODCAST?
Please check out DavidPasqualone.com/SponsorInfo
- Twitter: @DavePasqualone
- Instagram: @DavidPasqualone
- Facebook: Facebook.com/davepasqualone
- LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/dpasqualone
THE NOT-SO-FINE-PRINT DISCLAIMER:
While we are very thankful and appreciative for all of our guests, please understand that we (David Pasqualone, The Remarkable People Podcast, and DAVIDPASQUALONE.com) do not agree with all of our guests views and positions. We are thankful to live in a country that protects our freedoms and allows us to practice the constitutional right of free speech, and the universal gift of God’s free will. That’s it. Now enjoy another episode! 🙂
Read the Full Transcript
The Remarkable People Podcast with host David Pasqualone Season 1 Episode 5 with Special Guest April Tribe Giauque
[00:00:00] Host David Pasqualone: [00:00:00] Hello friends. This is David Pasqualone with the Remarkable People Podcast. Episode five today we have a very special guest with a remarkable story, April Tribe Giauque, and on top of it all, you get to help make a difference.
Intro/Outro Music: [00:00:15] The remarkable people podcast, check it out,
the remarkable people podcast. Listen, do repeat. For life.
Host David Pasqualone: [00:00:37] April. Thanks for being here.
April Tribe Giauque: [00:00:39] Thank you so much for having me.
Host David Pasqualone: [00:00:41] Oh, it’s a pleasure. It’s a pleasure. So just to let the listeners know, you and I met through a mutual friend, and we actually don’t know each other that well, but just in the conversation we had, it was amazing to hear your story.
So today, what’s special about it is I just want you to go ahead and share your story. And the listeners can not only hopefully be encouraged and learn from it, but they can also help make a difference in an exciting way. So I don’t want to steal your thunder, but as the listener in this episode, you not only get to hear April’s story and hopefully learn how to do it in your life.
But you also get to make a difference. It’s called the 10 for 10,000 this episode can actually be a catalyst to take April story to the big screen and get even a big time producer. I don’t know if I should say the name, so I’ll able to do that if it’s appropriate to bring it to the silver screen.
So April, welcome again. let’s start with your story.
April Tribe Giauque: [00:01:47] All right. Thank you so much, David. It’s the story. Like any story has a beginning, a middle, and a journey towards the end. So, we’ll start at a place that’s usually pretty comfortable where I’m a mom of nine children and my first five children and myself, we were, In a different relationship with my first husband. So my first husband was suffering from mental illness and drug addiction and which led into abuse. So I’ve escaped a domestic violence abusive marriage. The abuse that we went through was definitely nothing that started at the beginning, and it was something that came on in a way that, Fraught, I would say a real depth to knowing how to escape. We were in such darkness, we needed to know light. We needed a way out, and if anyone in the audience is listening, who’s been in abuse or has watched a family member, a friend, or even a coworker, go through it, you can see the change is quite remarkable.
When they are in the depth of, of whatever abuse they’re suffering from, till when they escape and when they get out. What changes happen. So for myself, we started the marriage. We had similar goals, we had a strong faith together and we even served as missionaries for our church, met each other.
And after we returned home, decided to get married and through the marriage process. It’s just wonderful at first, right? Everyone has the same goals, the same ideals. You’re in love, and I think when you begin, after you’ve made covenants to be together and a covenant with God, you begin in this realm of really wanting to please heavenly father and start along that journey as the journey progresses.
stress is definitely added in because the stress of life just naturally happens. As that stress started to compound, my first husband decided to return to old ways and the old ways that he returned to where drugs and alcohol, pornography, and kept them very hidden from me. We had our first child, we’re pregnant with a second child.
He owned his own business. So as far as his time with the family, if anyone else out there are entrepreneur entrepreneurs and run their own businesses, you know, timing can get a little crazy. And so you’re very flexible with it because you know that if they’re able to complete another project, then that is, you know, profit and income coming in.
So he had really an incredibly flexible hours. And through that time he was able to hide a lot of. His, challenges. The unfortunate piece of it is that he also [00:05:00] suffered from mental illness and in the mental illness side of things. he heard voices and he actually, had a, a split personality that took on a persona as our marriage progressed.
But I will say this in. Adding children into the mix. My focus was definitely on trying to help them and protect them. My first three boys all are on the autism spectrum, and that added another level of intensity to it through the abuse and the neglect. And then the physical abuse that started in because the children were really loud and struggled with communicating, and when they would have their, their meltdowns, the, the noise that it was producing for him was very just, it was too much.
And so he would strike out. And so I would usually end up taking the blows to protect the children. And the voices that he heard in his mind were the ones that were trying to. Silence us. So living in living in a world like that, there’s places that you have to be able to get to. And as the darkness encroached more and more upon us spiritually as well as physically, I never lost my faith in Christ.
I never lost my faith in my heavenly father, but I did lose my faith in hoping that our marriage would ever really continue forward. We would go in these cycles where we would have, he would get clean and sober, swear off any of the pornography or women and repent, return to church, return to full activity and things were great for four or five.
Maybe even six months, and then I would discover that I was pregnant again, and within a few months of that announcement that I was pregnant, the cycle would start over again. So we had these five cycles within this nine and a half years of marriage. So it was really, really devastating. The final one, when I was pregnant with my fifth child, we actually separated for a time, and that separation.
Was a godsend because I was out of the toxic environment for enough timeframe that I could actually see some hope, see some light, and at first I thought the hope and light was maybe he’ll change and we can try this again. But as time wore on, I discovered that no, this hope in light is for me and for my children that we are going to need to escape.
And so I started making a plan. As the plan progressed, I won’t share all the great details cause it’s in the book, pinpoints of light. And so we want to. We know within that timeframe it was really a challenge to put the plan together. Once I had it in place as well as I could do. You sprinkle in a whole bunch of circumstances that you have no control over, like weather and five children and children on the autism spectrum.
But nevertheless, we did escape and in that escape. We suddenly went from, or I describe abusers in two categories. The first category is that abusers are hunters or abusers or are in a cage. They’re, they act like a caged animal. So hunters, abusers that are hunters are definitely ones that they pull in their prey.
They trick, they trap, they lure them in just like a Hunter wood caged animal. Is more like someone who is trapped within their own mindset, within their own fear, within their own pain. But the result is the same as you approach that cage. The person that’s in the cage, so to speak, does not know if you are there to help them or to hurt them.
They cannot trust it. And so they strike out. So when they strike, they strike ferociously, just like any caged animal would. Well, my husband, when we were through that. Those nine years of marriage was definitely in that caged animal category. And when we left, we suddenly switched to become the prey.
And we were hunted. There were several times through the homelessness that we had to run for our lives. we were saved by an incredible supporter. Again, that story is in the book, but you can see how as we’ll have the book in the show notes so everybody can creation and read the story. So through the book, that’s what she’s talking about.
We’ll get it to you. Yeah. Within that, that timeframe, when we [00:10:00] actually left, I really put my hands up and just ask Jesus to take the wheel and carry us. Where we needed to go. And he did. He brought us to the correct amount of safety. We were able to get protective orders. We were able to, just surround ourselves with the right network.
And I knew that eventually this story was going to need to be told. but until that time, I suddenly was a single mom homeless with five children going through my master’s course. And I was a full time teacher, so there wasn’t a lot of time to think about necessarily writing the book, but I always expressed myself in my journals and in my daily devotions, in prayer and scripture study so that we could continue to lead the family towards more and more light.
And that story is something that a lot of other women can connect with. Yeah, absolutely. No, let me ask you a question. I know we’re going to continue the story, but during this nine years you were trying to make this work and love your husband and try to bring the pieces back together. What was it like seeing the hope and then having the rug pulled out from under you over and over again?
What, what, how, what impact did that have on you? What were you feeling at that time? So what developed from that is what I call a shame shadow, where you’ve probably heard of things or have expressed it different ways of the the, the destroyer, Satan, Lucifer, your shoulder angels or the shoulder devil or whatever, right?
I called it my shame shadow. Because Satan would definitely work on my doubt, and he would work on a phrase, which was very interesting. Most people say, you’re not good enough. Well, my shame shadow would say, you are too much. You have too much energy. You have too many children. You have too many children’s special needs.
You have this unbelievable, talented husband that can produce. Anything. This is just too much. Are you sure it’s real and it would just eat away at me. And so I did a lot of, a lot of the times I would lessen myself. I would lower myself. I would think that I wasn’t worthy of God’s love because I was too much.
And I fell right into that, that cycle and that trap. So every time the hook of hope brought us up and he got clean and sober, I thought, okay, now this is the time and we’ll finally get. You know, to where we were before. That’s not what happened. That hook of hope would then pull me back and we would slide down.
And it was, it was really difficult to get out of . And then the, the personal struggle, cause I know that when a man or a woman looks at pornography or hasn’t fare it, it leaves a wound and it’s deep. How did that affect you? In the sense of just, I mean, you’re trying to go above and beyond to mend the relationship and then, you know, there’s more harm coming in a deep way.
How did you get through that? I really got through it hour by hour with the power of prayer. It was the only thing that I could possibly do. I had to know that I was going to, that he was going to be there for me that. That was the only solution I could possibly find. So I did that. I just never really said amen to my prayers.
I just started, I opened up a prayer and just kept it going throughout the day. So during this time, during the nine years, you not only had very exceptional circumstances that you needed to deal with that were unusual mental illness. you know, you said your husband actually had a different personality at times and things got progressively worse.
But having three of your five children with autism, that’s an amazing challenge in itself. How were you able to deal with that? Did you add outside hell, did you do it all on your own? How were you able to manage that? Cause that’s, that’s a remarkable feeding its own. The amazing blessing when we take a look to count our blessings came in the form of.
An incredible pediatrician who didn’t give up on us. He watched as the children were progressing or not progressing, and he offered a solution that was very powerful and he knew our financial circumstances and said, you know, I think there’s a research project that can help you out. And so in the research we attended, we were able to get clear diagnosis.
And with that we were able to. Get extra help with, what’s called the Northern Utah autism [00:15:00] program. So at the time I lived in Utah, and this group was phenomenal. It actually taught all of the parents how to work and interact with the children. We were required to do 40 hours of volunteer work a month.
And that meant we’re in the classroom, we’re learning the techniques, we’re learning everything that we can so that we can apply it at home so that we can help them generalize the skills. And that became a lifeline for me. I was able to leave the home and be in the classroom with two of my children, learn from all of the professional teachers, and I just thought, you know what?
I think I can do this one day and I know I can bring it up. All home. And that was a huge, huge gift in awareness because for the longest time, my doubt, my shame, my ability to think I could do anything was really, really lessened. so they were, in a way, my first pinpoint of light, my first real push of hope that I could do more than what I had ever imagined, and I could feel my savior around me.
Encouraging me and motivating me. Kind of like a warm wind, like keep going, you’re in the right direction. It was beautiful. All right, that’s awesome. And that’s the thing, when you have Christ good and bad things, you know, quote unquote, are going to happen to us through life no matter who we are.
But when we’re at those low moments, God’s always there and he’s always there to pick us up and encourage us. And it’s crazy that even in your circumstance. It’s wonderful. You thought that warmth knew he was there. So let me answer. You go nine years. How did that relationship end, and then what was the transition?
So the transition was quite abrupt. We had, throughout our nine years of marriage, we had 14 different moves because he was a general contractor. So he would build homes, we would move into the home, we would sell the home. And that’s kind of how we rolled. at this last point in time. We moved to a basement apartment, which happened to be my inlaws, and that was our final place.
Our final move, and the irony of it, which you’ll see in the book, is that’s where we started and that’s where we end. And we were able to do that because I had to work. My ex-husband’s mental illness into a plot. I don’t know how familiar you are, or the listeners are with the movie. A beautiful mind in that where John Nash, the character that wrestle crows is depicting.
John Nash definitely has this alter world that he lives in. He sees these characters. They are absolutely real true to life. He can have conversations with them and everything. Well, my husband was very similar and his characters, his, I call him, his mind friends, were actually business partners.
So that makes it quite challenging. And. In all of that. the business partner obviously had a lot of control over the finances and as we were kind of coming towards this point of are we going to continue on or end, I knew that getting my children into the right school was going to be a turning point.
Now allowing the children to be outside educated was an absolute no way. We had to have full control at home, but I worked you met him? I met him, yeah. He wanted to make sure that he knew everything that was happening at all times. So when this opportunity to have a school for the children with autism to be able to attend, and then I became a board member of.
I became that board member because I was able to use his story of John against him. I was able to say that John wanted me to see the underground workings of this school and really get in so I could, I could buy, I could report on it, right. So I created a whole plot line and fed it to my husband because that was part of our escape route.
I knew if I was able to become a teacher there. I would have finally a living income and then I could hide that money. And when we were, whenever the time was that we could finally leave, we would actually be able to do something and not stay homeless for a long time. I knew it’d be homeless for a bit and it turned into about a month, a month, long time, but I had to manipulate the story in order for the permission to be given.
And I remember in prayer thinking, here I am, you know, asking for forgiveness for, you know, the daily sins that happened. And I would still say, but this plot we’re, we’re good with. Right? These lies are okay. [00:20:00] Right? And that’s, that’s kinda how it went. So, just to be just, again, to pause for the audience sake, you and I have had an opportunity to speak.
I’ve read some of your material online and listen to some of your, Like video segments. So I know a lot more, but this isn’t just haphazard, and you’re maniacal and you’re not really trying. This is after years of abuse and years of adultery and years of therapy and years of drug use. so despite what worldview someone’s listening from, even to the most conservative side of the right.
The biblical reason for divorce if you’re the most conservative is adultery. And it’s still not what God wants, but he understands cause it’s so hard and painful and for you, even with adultery, you tried everything to make this work. So I don’t want anyone to think of you in a negative light. You really waited a mile and a half beyond what you needed to.
And were you were still just, how can I keep my kid safe? Is that accurate? Yes. I took the covenance that I made, in marriage very seriously. And that understanding of, of helping each other through their good and ill. Right. But at the same time, I thought that we would be on the same team.
And the ups and downs that we would have, we would work together. I didn’t know that we would be pulled apart by different choices and I understood and respected greatly the the gift of agency, the gift of choice that we have. Having the father hat allows us this choice. I mean, we can read about it in revelations where we know that there was a big war in heaven and when.
St was cast out. We had an opportunity to follow him, follow Satan and his angels, or to stay and choose Christ. And all of us that are born chose Christ. We chose that opportunity to be here, and so the agency, he’s not going to interfere with that. And so I took that covenant very seriously like that, that I had made a choice to do this.
And I love my heavenly father with all of my heart. And I. Well, those are sacred things for me. And at the same time, if the other party is going to make all these other choices, it is not permissible to endure through abuse. That is not what we are to do. Christ love is for all. And I will share this with the audience when I was quote.
Released from my Colleen because that’s exactly how I felt I was, it was after a big morning prayer. I knew deep in my heart from the spirit that it was over and it was time to let go. And the understanding that I got was that Jesus Christ is the savior and I’m not. So it was a little bit of a chastisement, but in a good way.
It was like, you cannot save him. My son is here to save him, referring to my ex husband, and that was the most beautiful way to let go because I knew that he had him and how that would play out. I just had to let it let it go because he still has his choices. He could continue to choose the path that he was going down, and maybe one day he’ll hit that bottom and when he hits the bottom.
He’ll be able to repent, be saved, and come back. And I hope for that for him. So far, not yet, but that means we don’t have to go down with him. We can cut that off and return to light and return to healing and return to hope and return to just joy. Yeah. You mean a lot of good points in that segment?
the first one with the choice, you said it’s a choice. And the only difference between an angel and a demon is the choice of fallen angels, a demon, and the ones that stayed loyal, that two thirds, that’s the angel. So that’s true. And then also when you were just speaking about, the relationship with God, it’s true that when we become married to become one flesh, that is 100% true.
But we still are responsible for our own actions, right? We are there to be a, help me where are sharpen one another, encourage one another. But exactly like you said, you need to face God for your life and your husband or ex husband will have to be scarred for his life and that relationship. Is completely different.
So it’s not your responsibility. We believe that in Christ. And so that’s tough. So I, I’m proud of you. That’s a tough thing to do. So, okay, so let’s pick up, so now you’re, at this point, you form a plan with his imaginary friends and, you [00:25:00] make the transition. So what’s, what happens from there?
Well, what happens from there is before you go on, I was not trying to make fun of people with mental illness. It’s very serious and it’s very scary. I just, that’s just how I was referring to it cause they’re not really there. So if I offended anybody, please forgive me. It is, it is quite the challenge.
Yes. With the mental illness, because there is such a form of compassion where you can see with someone who is ill, you know that it is not malicious. It is not to the point of. They have this alter, alter, agenda and they’re going to get you no matter what. Again, that’s that difference between a Hunter and occasion animal.
The case animal is really at the mercy of everything that is happening and that mental illness is in full control. So in our, as you say, transition, as we were able to escape, I won’t share the, the exciting parts of that. Whole thing. But the one thing that really stood out is when we finally actually left, we had about eight minutes.
It was definitely one of those moments where we’re trying to gather a few things and I just had to leave everything as it was, hurry and put things in the van. And as we drove away that night in the snow, it was always snowing. And so, I remember just looking in the rear view mirror at these five babies.
And obviously they weren’t all babies, but they were my babies age eight to 15 months. And I just thought, where are we going to go? And then this flood of peace, what will be our next move? Flood of peace. And I just said, okay, I’m going to rely on that. And we did it. We went to a hotel and the lady there, her name was Gloria.
Oh man, with I ever ready to sing hallelujah. And Gloria, for her, she was such a blessing. And in writing the story, I discovered what supporters do and, and how they really help. And they are true angels on earth. Gloria, took us in. She could see. We were in some serious trouble, but I was trying to keep it together.
I’m like, no, no, we’re good. I’m in control here. Even though it’s the end of November, it’s snowing and my girl has a a, you know, Disney princess dress on with no shoes. I’ve got this under control. Oh, and it’s about 1130 at night. She was just so kind. She never judged. She just loved, and when she helped us to our room, she just said, can I ask you a question?
And I said, sure. She said, are you running. And I just broke. Yes. And started to cry, and she gave me this hug and then she pulled away from me. And I will never forget those chocolate eyes. She said, you are safe on my watch. And again, the warmth of peace. Just overtake. We were able to be there for about four nights and I had showed a picture of my ex husband to her, and on that fourth night when we had come in, we would travel, we would do different things, we would go to school, but then we would go different ways home, like all these different crazy ways.
And my kids were like, where are we going? I’m like, we’re on a treasure hunt. Let’s go scavenger hunt. Like I was trying to do anything to keep them distracted. And when we pulled in that night, she just gave me this wink. That was a lot more than just a wink. So we sent the kids to the little Christmas tree that they had in the lobby, and they were able to get a candy cane off, and she just said, he came, he came today, he came looking for you.
And that was our escape. We got out again. So we had several moments like that until we were finally able to be safe with a protective order. And, Everything like that. So yeah, that that transition was, was steep and hard, but it worked. No. Two quick questions on that subject. Number one, was your husband violent to you or the children in the past?
Like was there a history of violence. There was a history of violence where, like I had said before, when they would get really loud and scream and not be able to communicate, he would just want to silence. So the fists would come punching out, and I would usually protect with my back. So I backed, usually took the blow of all those, those strikes.
but at the same time he was in that, that mental rage. And that sounds like an excuse. I just knew what to do at the time. But the night, which I call that night, which is in the book, is the story where true violence really came out. we had guns to our heads knife, to my throat.
Strangulations I think everything you could possibly do within one night happened in that night, and the next day you would think you were out of there. No, we, we stayed one more day because I was waiting for [00:30:00] that feeling of it’s time. And I was definitely rest assured when I would knew, I would know when that time came and it did.
And when it presented itself, we were out of there. And some people can understand that too easily cause they’d been there. And some people are listening and have no idea. But this is one that if you’ve been in that kind of situation, it’s, it’s harder to make the right decision even when you know it’s the right decision.
And like you said, you’d be 100% committed to that decision cause you know it’s going to have consequences for us, your life. So it’s not an easy one to make. I applaud you for sticking in so long. And then the second question is, how are the children during this? Like when you were, I mean, I’m sure they understood things weren’t right.
With mom and dad, during the marriage. But when you decided to leave, were they supportive? Did they miss their dad? How did that play out? Really interesting. So my oldest, my oldest two boys, definitely have some faint memories. They were eight and seven, but my seven year old has the most severe autism.
So his relationship and connection was completely different than my eight year old. And. When we left. they just knew that dad was someone that wasn’t really here. And when he was here, he was always angry or always looked afraid. So for, I would say about three months as we finally got settled into an apartment and we were doing the single mom thing, my five-year-old at the time, he’s eating a bowl of cereal and he looks up and he says, where’s that one guy?
dad, where is he? And my oldest son just kind of looked at him like, don’t know, but he owes me $35. And that was really all it was said at that point. Now, as they got older, whenever they asked questions about it, I definitely was completely truthful and shared. And at the same time, we didn’t spend any energy on backlashing or trouncing it about, we were able to be blessed with, the opportunity to not have to have weekly visits or split timeshare or anything like that because I was given full custody and he was given one hour once a week supervised visitation that he had to set up.
Well, his mental illness and his ability to coordinate something like that and his willingness to fight with his own mind, friends to have that happen, it was never going to happen. That was the most amazing, judgment that came forth when we got the protective order, as well as the divorce papers because it kept us safe for almost 13 years.
They have not been. I’m ordered to or had to see him or visit him. That was another question I had today. I don’t want to jump the gun into the present, but everybody from your ex husband to the most brutal, you know, Adolf Hitler. I mean, it’s still a human. It’s still a soul. We still wish no harm on them, even though they farm many.
But has he got help? Has he got healed or is he still on the same path or path of worst that you know? You may have said, I don’t even know. Oh, I know. Oh, okay. Okay. Well, in brief, as he, he has a relationship with the kids. You said he doesn’t have a relationship with the kids. No relationship with the children.
And he has moved on and unfortunately there’s been nine more victims since myself over these past 13 years. Now we, we’ve stayed safe and hidden for 12. And, in July I heard of a ninth victim and my current husband and myself, we had a long discussion and we said, you know what? We can no longer sit here in our safety and allow somebody that is hurting others to continue that.
Because if they discover that there was somebody that was hurt and wa became another victim and we knew about it and didn’t ever say anything, then shame on us and I just could not do that anymore because the age of the victims are between 15 and 17 years old. He is looking for my daughter and he will profile someone, stock them, follow them, and then attack.
And he keeps slipping through the system. He’s been in and out of jail for over nine years. And this final one that happened, we, I was able to make great contact with the judge as well as with the DA’s office, share the background of the information and, the current victim. Was able to have also enough evidence that it looks like at this point [00:35:00] he will be charged with felonies and spend over 20 years in the state prison, which is a godsend to him and a godsend to any anyone else who’s out there because that gives him time to be safe from his own self.
And my oldest son said to me, he’s now 21 he said. Think about this. What if my bio dad actually kills ends up killing someone? What I’m half of him? What? What is that going to mean for me? Like, yeah, my real daddy, he’s a murderer now. Do you see what I mean? It was this turn of a really intense events and I just knew that we couldn’t sit back anymore.
And we had a lot of people say, do you know, you just raised, you just raised the white flag. Like, here we are, come and get us. I said, yeah, I’m fully aware of that, but I cannot in good conscious watch other victims succumb to this any longer. We’re done. And we raised the flag in so far it’s working.
And, We went, we went straight to the media and that was the turning point because once, so many people are aware of a story like this, they start to question and realize, wait, why are these laws like this? How can he keep getting just a slap on the hand, the slap on the hand, what is happening?
And there’s been a movement made to tighten up the laws and to really look at the safety of the community and to look at. The criminal himself. What will really be the turning point there are, there are laws out there that help people that truly hit a bottom and they want help. He has not reached that point.
So the opportunities should not be allowed for him until he reaches that. And so this is the best outcome for him to be safe from really hurting anyone else. Possibly being able to get clean, possibly even able to get some mental health treatments, because when the facility starts to see him for more than a 30 day stint, I think they’re going to finally go, wait a minute, we’ve got some challenges here and that that’d be a blessing for him for sure.
Absolutely. And I know people who have gone to state every state’s different. Right. But I know people very similar have gone to prison and they were mandated. You must see a clinical psychiatrist. You must take the meds. And it helped him. Right? I mean, it’s, they’re in prison, but they’ve been helped finally after a life of running, right.
All right, well, listen, we could stop here and I’d want to buy your book. I mean, it’s, there’s a ton of content here, but I know that’s not where your story in. So let’s pick up and keep moving forward at this point and share with the audience. From that point to today. But from that point to today, I was able to find a wonderful husband and I got remarried and he’s a bachelor 45 years and was able to accept and love my first five children, and we quickly had four more children.
So there’s a total of nine of all of us. And the incredible blessings of what children do for a family is very healing. My first five and my, my last four have bonded in a way that healing has been able to occur even better than any kind of, counseling. Even not poo-pooing counseling. It was just, it’s been the right miracle for all of us.
My sixth daughter and or my sixth child happens to be a daughter and my eighth child happens to be a daughter. They’re born deaf. So now we’ve got a language component that we’re learning ASL, and now I’m a teacher of the deaf and it’s just been a huge blessing all around because we’ve had to learn how to stop and communicate and learn a different language too.
Understand one another. And so that has been a huge blessing in our lives. Not to interrupt you, but this is hard to really wrap our minds around. So you have nine children, three on the autism spectrum. Two who were traumatized by the father, even though they weren’t autistic. Right. And now you have four more beautiful children.
Two of what? Your daughters that are dead. Yes. And one of my deaf daughters also has autism, so I’ve got a two for one. It was great. You have a full plate. Yeah. It’s a full plate. And it, it’s a full plate of love for sure. And, the Lord knows what our needs are. The Lord knows what we can.
Do with the gifts that are given to us. I was able to learn a different language. I was able to learn a full culture and now I can bring that into my children’s lives. my daughters take ASL in high school now [00:40:00] so that they can better communicate, even though they know, you know what’s happening here at home, they want to be able to then take that out into their own work and community.
My fifth child, she’s a daughter. She wants to become a doctor. She wants to help, you know. Be an OB and do those labor and deliveries. And she just loves, loves, loves these babies. Cause she was around the four, four little ones. And you know, those are life changing events. I’ve always been able to write and through the writing in journals, through, different writing of articles now through my book and I have a second book coming out, I’ve decided that.
They’re great pathways for all of this to help, which has been an interesting journey in itself. The book now with the opportunity to become a movie, and I want Ron Howard to direct this movie. Yeah. I didn’t know if I could say it out loud or not. So Hey, there’s another role. That audience, you’re going to help us get 10,000 books sold, and it’s going to be bring it to the attention of the . Of the production company, which has already been in contact with April, and then we’re going after Ron Howard himself, who is an excellent gentleman.
From everything I’ve heard. Yes, he was able to really bring that visualization of mental illness through that movie to light. And that’s why my heart’s been so impressed on, he’s gotta be the one to direct this and show it, because in all fairness to both sides of the story, we need to show his story, my ex husband, as well as our story, because the point of it.
The point of the book and the point of the movie is to know that there is ultimate hope. There is ultimate light, and when we know that we can then leave abuse. The second piece is to open up the conversation about abuse and what it does. One in four women are abused in this country. One in three women are abused around the world.
87,000 women are killed. Every year in the most preventable death death, which is domestic violence. it costs American companies almost $10 billion from loss of time of work late. they’re at the hospital. They’re healing, they’re in court. All of those things there is also, The statistic that I think grabs the most people is mass shootings.
The underlying denominator of all the mass shootings that have ever occurred in the United States of America all have one thing in common, and that is domestic violence, whether they were in it or they are perpetrators of it. That is the underlying cause. Now the, some of them are you saying we don’t need more gun control?
I, I’m not saying anything with, with gun control or whatever. I am saying that the piece of this is domestic violence abuse. It spills and bleeds into everyone’s home. Whether we like it or not. A lot of the times we think, Oh, not my neighborhood. Oh, not my family. If the numbers are one in four, just statistically, you know someone.
So my programs focus in on the supporter, which are the friends, the family members, and the coworkers. And I give them, empower them with true skills so that they can help the victim that is in the abuse. They will know what to say, what not to say. They don’t take on a hero persona at all. They really know how to be an ultimate supporter.
And that has been a huge gift for so many women who have, been in the victim side of this. When they have a network that helps them beyond what our legal system does, then they’re truly able to get out and stay out. That’s how I was, I was definitely able to get out that way. so we’ve got a lot of things going on, but it’s, it’s incredible because.
The, the final thing that I do is I help women finally capture the writing and their voice in when they want to share their story. So I have a lot of women contact me and say, I have the story, I want to share it, but I’m terrified too. I shut down. I don’t know what to do when the PSTD comes back.
But I really want to share this story, and so I have a coaching program that helps them get through that so that they can have their story, they can share, they can educate others again, so we can then have the hard conversations and break the cycle of abuse. That’s something that that really needs to happen.
Amen. Now, if I was to ask you, you brought up the two sides. You got, well, we have three sides of the Hunter or the KJ animal. Well, we’re not going to talk about that right now. But you were just discussing the victim and the supporter, right? If you were to give one tip for the victim, like if [00:45:00] someone’s listening right now and your victim of domestic dispute, what would you tell them at the point they’re at right now?
And then we’ll also do for the support or someone watching and it’s painful to watch them. They go through domestic violence, wanting to help, but knowing you could make it worse or you could, you know, literally cause. They could kill them. So if you were to give one tip for the victims listening and one tip for the supportive listening, what would that be for the victim?
Make a plan period. Make a plan. No matter how much that hook of hope has you in the sense of, but maybe he’ll change one day. You’re absolutely right. Maybe he can, that that is the hope of, of Christ that we can change. But honey, it’s not going to be with you and it’s not going to be in this circumstance.
So make your exit plan, get the people involved that you need to make the contacts, tighten up your network, become financially viable as quickly as possible, and make your plan. After you leave at the abuse, you’ll be able to see what even further the true colors are. I know that sounds so abrupt, but make your plan.
Okay, and let’s extend in this cause I really believe that God’s going to use this. And there’s people listening right now that need this advice, April, but some people aren’t such a bad place. They can’t even think straight. What would be a resource or a like, whether it’s online or a book or what would be something, move them in the right direction to start cause it takes sometimes time.
But what would be a catalyst in their life right now that you can recommend. Well, I am going to recommend my book efinitely I’m going to recommend, I am going to recommend that because in, I have several amazing testimonials from women who are in the same position that I was in. Who happened to pick up a copy or who were given a copy, cause we have an opportunity to hand out some free copies.
And a woman who was in abuse for over 30 years was able to get ahold of my book. And after a month of reading, she started to make her exit plan. Now what’s really fascinating about the story is that my friend. Who happened to take the supporters toolkit, which is everything I do for the supporters that we’ll get to.
As she was going through that toolkit, she knew what to do to help her friend who was in abuse and when the time came for them to leave, and that person who was in abuse asked my friend who had taken this course to come and help her. She said, April, her book was on the nightstand, or your book was on her nightstand.
It was right there, and she held it up and said, this is how I’m getting out. That was the absolute concrete testimony when it was placed upon my heart to write your story. It is not for you. It is for so many other people. I just thought, okay, the pen is in my hand, my hands are on the typing, you know, on the keyboard, let it flow.
And there it was. All right, so we’ll make that available in the show notes. So now what tip would you have for the supporters? Like if you had one tip, someone’s watching this, now they know what’s going on, but they don’t even know how to approach it. What would you advise them? Love, love, love, and not judge, judge, judge.
What I mean by that is love unconditionally. This is not the time to lay down. Boundaries. For example, if you don’t leave him, then I’m not going to be your friend anymore if you, no, no, no, no, no. You absolutely are someone who is there and who loves because this person is venting. Maybe they’re, they’re sharing all of these things, and at the very last moment they might say, but I still love him.
And if you’ve put forth all this judgment and yeah, you should leave and you should get out. And at the last second they change like that. It. Starts to put a strain. So you love them, you climb down the hole with them, you hold their hand with them, they let you share all of those pieces together.
But you do not take on the hero. You do not put on a Cape and come out and they’re like, all right, I can show you the way out. Nope, Nope. Because that person who is in abuse has no control, and if you are one as a supporter trying to lay out a plan for them. You have suddenly taken away their control.
You are cannot do that. Your main top job as a supporter is to love because when the person in abuse is ready, they’ll be ready and you’ll be right there. You’ll be the one driving him to the appointments. You’ll be the one holding the safety kit. Whatever it is that they ask you to do, you do it with unconditional love.
[00:50:00] And so people think, Oh, well, that means they’re going to live with you forever. That means this. That means you don’t know what it means. The Lord does trust him and show love. Yeah, and that is amazing and powerful. Excuse me, advice in your truth. And if you’re listening and you don’t grasp that, really think and meditate on it, pray about it.
Because even if. Some of the listeners, you don’t have a belief in God and that’s, that’s okay. We’re not saying that, you know, you can’t T help by this or this book or by life. if you’re not a Christian, now we want you to become a Christian. We want you to have that hope in Christ cause it’s the only true hope.
But right now there’s fundamentals that work for everybody. And as a supporter and counseling one Oh one day teacher, you can never help someone more than they’ll be willing to help themselves. So if I’m hearing you right, if all you’re saying don’t be pushing these people and give them your plan because they’re not in the place where the radio execute that plan, is that correct?
Correct. All right. All right. Well, anything else that you’d like to share in your story without them. Before they go and get the book. No, I think, I think we’ve covered up, we’ve covered a lot and I think that’s great. I hopefully that leaves a lot of curiosity for people to go, what is happening with this book I got, I gotta go get with them.
Yeah, yeah. No, it’s excellent. I’m really thankful that you’re able to be here today. So we talked about your path. You’ve talked a lot about the present future, what’s going on. April tried juice like, well, great things are happening right now. And you know, part of it is obviously this opportunity for the movie, but even more than that, is this opportunity to keep writing and helping more and more women.
And it’s, it’s been just so fun to see. This joy that happens. And when we can capture a voice, I do a lot of ghost writing. And so when I capture the voice of what they’ve been trying to say for a long time, and as we write it out and go back and forth and then show them the final product tears, well, excitement explodes.
And you just think, wow, that was a gift that God has blessed me with. And. Now their stories able to get out and bless so many others just because I was a vehicle for that. It’s, it’s humbling and so dang exciting. It’s wiggle. That’s awesome. April. All right then if you don’t mind to hear me, I want to make a comment and I want you to answer one more question.
You got time for that feeling pressure. Okay, good. There’s no pressure. We’re all friends here. The statement I wanna make is this. There are men and women listening to this, and that’s the assumption that there will be more women listening to this particular episode. But the truth is they’re a men.
There are horrible situations as well. And just because this whole episode has been talking about, you know, I’m a man of using a woman, there are a lot of men hurting that can still benefit from your book, correct? Yes. Because the abuse cycle is a cycle. It doesn’t know gender. Now there is a legit gender, male and female.
I’m not going there and we’re not opening that argument, okay? But when I’m, but humans are humans. There are differences between the genders, but when people are hurting, confused, and especially when they love their spokes, no matter how badly that spokes is acting, there’s a lot of men out there trying to make the marriage work.
There are a lot of women out there trying to make the marriage work. So this book that you wrote, people will be able to identify with and then be able to maybe that step back and say, okay, there is hope here in this marriage. This is what God wants for me. Or they’re going to say, you know what?
I wish this person only the best, but it is not safe for our family. And this person has, let’s say, committed adultery, and that’s the biblical grounds for divorce. So it’s time we leave. Is that accurate? Yeah. I’d like to address something that might help if we think about the perpetrators of a lot of abuse are, are men.
Why, why, what happened in their past that has led them to this fear and needing of control and whatever. I think the war that Satan, Rises is on all children, and especially in that male population because he knows that they’re going to be quiet. You know, it’s, it’s not cool to say anything if you’re hurt.
Right. You know, that whole shaming type of thing. So men that are hurting, I pray for them all the time that they will find [00:55:00] hope. They need it because we need strong men in this world. We need men who protect. And who love their families and not who run and hurt their families. We need, I mean, there’s so many men that have stood up and have said no more.
I’m not going to be that, that statistic. I am going to find a way. And become that protector and provider for the family that I was meant to be as a mom, raising five, five boys and four girls. My focus on the on the boys are especially for that, that they will become the protector and the provider, and it is not taught society.
No way. It isn’t. It’s, you know, everyone for themselves and I’m thinking no for thinking about how our heavenly father loves us. He loves us in a way that he’s places and families on this opportunity to be in the family, that it is the male role. Because we are so different. Men and women, we are just different and their role of that protector and that provider, and when they find that, wow, it can really just sing forth.
If men are in situations where the woman is abusive in verbal, mental. Like they, they play those games and jerk them around. That is unexcusable. The men need to know that there is a safety net, that there’s probably other guys out there now. Are they going to say a lot? I don’t know. That’s really tough and my heart goes out to them because they need to know that they are just as loved as any daughter of God out there.
They are just as important. My gosh, we’re all human. No one is above another. God is not a respecter of persons. He loves us all, and that is what we need to do. So women, if you’re out there making wrong mistakes, shape up, find your light, find your worth and go for it. Men, if you’re out there thinking, Whoa, I might be crossing a line here.
You know what to do, become that protector and that provider. And then, and then. All right. And then the last question that I wanted to ask you, I was just thinking when you were saying that too, the importance of men become men by looking to hopefully the model man, we’re fully integrated, Amanda balanced man, and was so many broken homes across the world, not just America.
It’s hard to learn. When society has such a weak and perverted view of what a man is and what a man’s not. And then you have a lack of fathers in the home. And I remember I used to, in my past, I tell less lethal weapons and body armor. And I worked with war enforcement and military when a lot of facilities and one time when I was in a correctional facility in the Northwest.
I don’t want to misquote this statistic, but the number I believe was North of 90% of the inmates in that facility had no father figure in the home growing up. That’s how huge it is to have a male role model for men and women. But then you can flip that a woman needs. Oh God, the human role model.
So this is something that we really need. If you think about our own life and our as a person, because our relationship with God and our balance on life affects our family and our family affects our local circle, and the local circle affects the community and the community affects the state in the state, affects the country and the country affects the world.
But we have to take personal accountability. It starts with that. Sorry. Now nobody can see you. You’re shaking your head. I’m talking too much. What did you want to say? I am. I am agreeing, agreeing, agreeing. The war on the family is huge. If Satan’s attack is all 100% on the family, he has unraveled everything, just like you said.
So if we’ve got father figures that are not there and you know they’re not there and you are that male father figure. Stand up and be it in whatever society thing you can, wherever you can throughout the day, where, wherever you are. Because we need to sprinkle out some of this hope because of just the sheer numbers we’re fighting on.
How many divorces, how many broken homes, or how many homes never really were an intact family to begin with. So. If we really stand up and kind of take what I [01:00:00] call that, that back, you know, in a battle, you’ve got your two forces facing each other, right? Well, you can also surround your enemy.
It takes stealth. Right? And if we can go around this back way and just strengthen the family one at a time, one at a time, one at a time. Wow. You know, we’re, we’re ready to take him on. So. Absolutely. And once you said it completely. triggered that verse in James. Again, this isn’t preaching to anybody in the sense of you need to listen, but the principles of the Bible, whether you believe in God or not, I can’t find one instance in my life where a principle and a Bible hasn’t hold true in my life.
And just watching the reality around me. And the one time that I’m thinking that really religions mentioned in the new Testament, it’s in James and it says, hello. Pure religion is visiting the widows and the father of those children in their affliction. And then it says to keep yourself on the spot and from the world.
So exactly what you just said. Exactly. What we’re talking about is this. If you are watching this happen, be smart about it. But when you can fill that gap and that need, you’re showing the love of Christ. Do it. Don’t just stand there and watch. And some people are gonna be pissed when I say this, but we live in a generation of people who say they pray.
And they’re really just talking to themselves. Or maybe they are talking to God, but faith without works is dead. You can’t just be a person who sits there and praise of them. You need to do, we need to act. So there’s a balance. I’m not saying take God’s role in your hands, cause that’s never been a word.
But what I answered is don’t sit on your button and watch bad things happen. If you see somebody again, Rob, go punch the dude in the face and take the gun away. So well actually don’t say that. I’ll probably go to jail for that. So don’t do that. Yeah. Stand up. Stand up. But don’t, don’t sit there cause you’re guilty or if you watched a crime than if you did it right.
All right. So and let’s turn this one more time cause I want to ask this question. The other thing is you are dealing actively with children who have autism and children who are deaf. There’s parents who are burned out, they’re tired, they’re doing everything they can. But they’re exhausted. What word of encouragement would you give for them or what kind of advice I’m in?
This really worked for you. It said, wow, this was a game changer. A life changer. What’s something you can offer them? Game changer. Drop the perfection period. Drop it just crap it. We’re not here for this ideal of perfection. So, so drop that. Now I didn’t say drop your standards. I didn’t say her.
Drop your values, but this, this ideal of something. Enjoy the gift you have and you’ll be able to see the gift in your kids in the everyday. Now, I mean, we, we struggle, I mean, this morning, a broken window, ah, you know, tough. And you know, it’s just one of those things that happen and it’s the, the concept is.
You bring them to the knowledge that they can understand and you constantly feed them with light and with as much love as possible. If you’re constantly running around, and I’m mostly probably talking to the women running around trying to make this perfect thing happen, you are squelching what’s really needed, those children were given to you for the purpose of one thing, and that is to find love.
And when we dropped a perfection, we’re usually able to see those smiles, give those extra hugs, learn together. yeah, it’s been, it’s been a fascinating, an interesting journey. And of course there’s tons of skills and things like that you can learn along the way. And I have parenting programs for all of that too, but it’s really when you drop the perfection and live within the present moment.
So much, so much joy. It can happen. That’s awesome advice. Thank you so much. April. So in closing, is there anything else that you’d like to say and then if not, how can our listeners, if they want to get ahold of you? Like I said in the show notes, we’ll put some resources in links. If they want to get ahold of you, what’s the best way?
So the best way is I’m on my Facebook page, April tribe, Duke, as well as my website. Which is www dot April tribe, juke.com and send me a message anyway that a cancer, that spelling of the last name is G I a U Q U e.com and that will also be, yeah, yeah. my email is really easy. It’s firstname.lastname@example.org.
If that helps, but I would just love to be able to help in any way that I can and serve you. I am called to serve, so help to do that for you. That’s awesome. Now [01:05:00] listen, we’re not just trying to sell books here. Our intent is to glorify God and help you as a listener and help April because we want her to be able to reach more people with her story.
So. More people are healed. So if you buy a book, you’re not only maybe helping yourself or buy a bunch of books in hand to those you love who need the help, but you’re also hitting that 10 for 10,000 program. Where she’s going to get the attention. A director like long Howard, hint, hint. If you know him, send them away and yeah, I must get this on screen and I’ll buy the first ticket if I can.
Thank you so much for being on the show today. You truly are a remarkable woman in person and when this movie comes out, let us know so we can tell the audience. Got it. Thank you so much. I will tell all of our listeners out there, thank you for being part of the show. You’re the best part of it.
We got God, we got a great yes, we got each other, so let’s go out there. Don’t just listen to this. But do it. Repeat it for life. If you need to get ahold of April, check out the show notes. If you need to get ahold of me, same thing, or check out our website at David dot com or any of the remarkable people podcast, social media pages.
And if you’ve got something out of this or know someone who needs it, please share it. Please like it. Please leave us a great review. that’s how we’re going to reach more people in the world, help more people in the world and glorify God. Let’s have a purpose beyond ourselves. We love you.
Have a great day.
Intro/Outro Music: [01:06:29] The remarkable people podcast. Check it out. the remarkable people podcast. Listen, do repeat for life.