It’s been said that if we speak from our areas of weakness, we’ll never run out of material to teach from*. Not only is this a humorous statement, but it’s also absolutely true.
Now while we don’t want to be out there instructing people in areas that we are complete failures, losing the battle over, or not victorious in on a day-to-day basis, we do want to be helping others find and know the same victories and freedoms that we have found in the difficult areas of our lives.
Saying that, today’s post is about Me needing Your help.
A Little Self-Disclosure
You see, for years now (pretty much my whole life) I’ve struggled with aggressive and pounding self-defeat, self-sabotage, and self-doubt (already you can see a common thread here- self). Stuff that very few people know about or see, none the less it’s there- BIG time.
So while on the outside people tend to see and comment to me about how confident, successful, and strong I am to them, inside of me, I’m really hurting, afraid, and often times feel worthless despite what we just achieved. Now while I have had much victory and progress in this area over the last couple of years, I’m still struggling in this area and ready to rip this trash out of my head and put it where it belongs- in the garbage can!
Ironically, just this morning I was woken out of an un-peaceful sleep at 4 am on Columbus Day thinking terrible thoughts about myself right from the start of my conscious day. It was like a bad dream continued into reality and all I heard was, “What loser I am”, how “I have no talents or useful qualities”, and that “I’m a complete failure and everyone is going to know it soon.” Yes, we both know these are lies, but at those moments of darkness they hurt and haunt me just the same.
Been There?
Well, if you’ve been there and are now free, me and thousands of other hurting people can really use YOUR help and insight right now. You see, while we can all think through these false lies and know that they are not true in our heads, can rationalize in our minds why we think them, and replace these lies with truth to overcome them in time, it would be great if you could share with us your victory story and the process, tools, and techniques you used to truly and permanently overcome this great distraction and pain in your life.
For those of you who have not struggled with this problem, be thankful! Maybe by not having the problem though, you hold the solution. So feel free to chime in too on how you overcome self-doubt in your life, or maybe how you process challenges in your thoughts. By not struggling in this area you obviously hold a key that many of us are missing and we’d love to learn it!
Saying all that, if you have personally overcome this, or even if you too are still hurting but healing a little more everyday and have learned some tips and techniques to help in this area, please, please let us know by either posting in the comment field below or send me a private email that I can parse and share sections of with the rest of our growth community at Ascend (just let me know if you want your name shared or not).
Thank You!
To those of you who are going to contribute and help, Thank You ahead of time for you love, care, time, and prayers in your responses!
To those of you like me struggling in this area each day, Thank You too for reading this article and standing with me determined to find a solution. Through Christ and our other friends in this community, we will find victory in this area of our lives and be able to help others also someday soon!
Together, I know we can all be victorious over this sometimes crippling problem of self-doubt, persecution, and false/limiting beliefs. Through Christ and one another, we will overcome. This post is simply the start of something great!
Helping One Another Ascend,
David Pasqualone
Helpful Resources
Scripture to Consider:
- Matthew 7:1-8
- Proverbs 27:17
- Philippians 4:13
- Luke 1:37
Quote(s) to Ponder:
- “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Author Unknown
Referenced Tools & Links:
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Keep putting your heart our there. Great stuff.
Thanks Kary. 🙂
For those of you out there who don’t know Kary, he’s one of the people that God has really used in my life over the last year to help me in this area.
Thank you so much Kary for your friendship, Godly counsel, and brotherly love!
Here’s an excerpt and link to an article that a reader sent in to me that may help you as well on your journey to overcome negative self-talk and the bondage it brings:
“Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery
Two years ago, when I was preparing to conduct a retreat, I was crippled by fears of inadequacy. At the end of the retreat, I remember that I was on a high – a high from successfully delivering the retreat and claiming the two words “I can”. My friends told me to hold onto those two words, for one of the deepest battles I have is that of self-doubt. In my euphoria, I told them that I would not fall into self-doubt again and I would simply believe “I can” from then on. It would be easy.
When I faced my next assignment, the self doubt “I can’t” returned.
It seemed like this battle of self-doubt was something that would plague me for the rest of my life. I wanted to stand firm but in every new task I faced, this is the lie that would speak instantaneously. In some sense, the very fact that I battled it over and over again made me think that everything I went through in life was meaningless since I kept returning to the same battle.
In psychology, one of the main teachings is that our thoughts are merely thoughts, not truths. That is, we can sometimes have a thought of dropping a baby. Does that mean that we have done it? Does that mean that we are evil? No. It is merely a thought that has no meaning or power, if we let it remain a thought. It becomes powerful only if we let the thought turn into an action.
Similarly, one of my strongest thoughts is, “I can’t do this”. However, just because I have a tendency to think this way does not mean that I doubt myself or that I am weak in faith. What matters is what I do – that speaks more of my faith, rather than what I think.
Even though I have the thought “I can’t do this” on numerous occasions, I have, however, acted in ways that have showed that I believe that “I can”. I completed my course, found a job, started a job, worked on my relationships, ran, among others, in spite of these four words. In other words, my external voice may have said “I can’t” but my internal voice and faith has kept me steady in moving forward.
Perhaps it is time for me to laugh at those four words whenever they arise, knowing that they are merely words. Perhaps it is time for me to affirm that deep in me lies a faith and resilience that carries me so much more than these empty words ever would.
(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Nathalia: http://goo.gl/R0VqVG)
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Prayer: Jesus, help me to stand outside these crippling thoughts and laugh with you at how powerless they are, for our actions say so much more.
Thanksgiving: Thank you Jesus for reminding me that I am so much more than my thoughts.”
Thanks for the Submission!
Dave