Stop People-Pleasing: Danny M. Goldberg on Boundaries, Respect & “A Little Bit Asshole”

Transcript generated from the episode recording. Minor punctuation or transcription errors may remain.

00:00 The Remarkable People Podcast. Check it out. Remarkable People Podcast. Listen. Do. Repeat. For Life! The Remarkable People Podcast. Hello, friend. Welcome to this week's episode of the Remarkable People Podcast. Today, we have with us Danny Goldberg. Danny, welcome to the show. Great to be here. Thank you. Oh, I am excited to have you.

00:00 Our listeners, some are familiar with you, some are familiar with the show. Some people, you're here for the first time. So for the Remarkable People Podcast, our purpose is to give you content that you can apply to your life and help you grow, and hopefully glorify God in the meantime. But Danny, on your side, you're about to share your story.

00:01 We're going to talk about the book you wrote. But from your mouth, if someone commits to listening to this episode, I know they're going to get a lot of truth and a lot of applicable steps that they can take in their life to have a better existence, but what is one thing you guarantee that if our listeners stay with us this episode, what do you guarantee they're going to get from the show that can make their lives better?

00:01 I think at the very least, we're going to talk a lot about people that are viewed as people pleasers, and really talk about why people do that and how to really combat that effort, because a people pleaser, quite frankly, is on- not looking out for their best interests, they're looking out for other people's best interests, and I want to focus on growing each person versus others.

00:01 Yeah. That is huge. There's so many of us that we don't even realize we're doing it, but we're trying to win approval of someone from our childhood or we're trying to win somebody's approval today- … and we're on autopilot. We don't even know it's happening. So ladies and gentlemen, what Danny's talking about may apply to you, loved ones, coworkers, total strangers, but you know where I'm going to.

00:02 We're going to take a quick affiliate break, and we will be right back. Hello, everyone. We're back, and thanks to you, MyPillow is bigger and better than ever. To show our appreciation, we're bringing you exclusive offers you won't find anywhere else. Our famous buy one, get one free is finally here. That's right.

00:02 When you buy a premium MyPillow, you're going to get another premium MyPillow absolutely free. And for the first time ever, when you buy a six-piece MyTowel set, you're going to get another six-piece towel set absolutely free. We all know we have to limit these buy one, get one free offers, so order now.

00:02 Our made in the USA MyPillow mattresses and mattress toppers as low as $99.98. And how about our Kisa Dream bed sheets for as low as $29.98? They're the most comfortable sheets you'll ever own. So go to MyPillow.com or call the number on your screen. Use this promo code to take advantage of these exclusive offers.

00:03 And when you order right now, your order ships absolutely free with promo code REMARKABLE! All right. Welcome back to the show, ladies and gentlemen. Danny, we know where we're going with this episode, but how did you get there? I know you didn't just wake up one day and have this epiphany. The good, the bad, the ugly, the pretty ugly, everything that happens to us in life led you to this truth that you're sharing with the world.

00:03 So give us a quick overview of your life, brother. I am the son of two immigrants that came here in the '60s into Dallas, Texas, where I currently live and have lived here my whole life. I have three brothers, and I think more than anything else, we were taught at a very young age, and I think it, it has to do with a lot of immigrants in general, is be good, be nice, be pleasant to be around, and that's going to be your success story.

00:04 And what I've found out over the past few years is people, quite frankly, take advantage of you when you're like that. That's over the last 15 to 20 years, I'm recovering people pleaser where I'll go through ebbs and flows where I'm really focused on pleasing others, and then I just shut down and say, "I can't do this anymore." And I'm trying to focus on tangible steps that people can take to make sure that they're, again, focused on their own growth versus the growth of others.

00:04 Because with the people pleaser, quite frankly, you lose sight of who you are and what you want and need in life. You focus on other people's needs. And I want to make sure that, hey we're helping others, no doubt about it, but we're not losing sight of our ultimate goals Awesome. So now talk about, you said you- fam- your family immigrated and you had two brothers- Three and growing up… Oh, three brothers.

00:04 I apologize. Was your whole family wired to people please, or were you the maybe most naturally persuaded to please? How did your family structure- I would say both, actually. Yeah, I would say both because all my brothers, we were all good kids. Now, I think by the time my youngest brother, who was what, seven years younger than the oldest I think by the time he got into junior high and high school my parents gave up on parenting.

00:05 They were done with it all. So there wasn't as many rules and restrictions, but overall, all of us were taught, "Be nice. Get along with people. Don't get into fights." Avoid conflict as much as possible. I never got my name on the board as a kid, and again, I thought that was my pathway to success.

00:05 I'm going to have a lot of friends. I'm going to… Girls are going to like me, and no. No that's just definitely not the case, and I found that out at a very young age, but it took me years to put it in practice Yeah, that's true. I remember my first real big league job, and it wasn't the smartest, it wasn't the hardest workers, it wasn't the most charismatic people getting the promotions and the loads of money.

00:05 It was some of the people I don't want to hang out with that were rising to the top the fastest. And we want to find the balance, ladies and gentlemen. When you have that moral integrity and you have that balance on life that pleases God, and you sleep at night with yourself without any kind of strife, right?

00:06 But at the same time, Danny, I want you to talk about what are some of the things you learned? What are the some of the maybe just situation examples you can give where this is how I was reacting, this is how I was raised to react, and this is what sadly came natural to me, but this is what I learned you need to do.

00:06 It's interesting the example you just brought up too, because when I was coming out of college, I went to Arthur Andersen to start my career in accounting. And what I found is all the kids that had 4.0s didn't get jobs. And it was a professional program, probably 130 of us. These, there was three or four kids that were just the smartest hands down, no jobs because quite frankly, they had no personality, no social skills whatsoever.

00:07 So I found the sweet spot that most of the big six at the time were recruiting from was people that were intelligent, but highly dynamic, great personality, outgoing, might be viewed as nice as well, too. So to that point I learned that, like I said, at a very young age that just 'cause I was going to be nice, girls in junior high and high school didn't like me for that.

00:07 And I started seeing who they were going out with, quite frankly. I started seeing in the job market it was not necessarily the nicest people, it was the people that have good personality balance, know what they want, and stand for something, David. And I think all this, going back to a lot of people just lose sight of who they are and what they are because they're so focused on someone else.

00:07 And quite frankly, the only person we should be focused on is, God obviously. And making sure that we are living a good, moral and ethical life Yeah, I couldn't agree more. The older I get, the more I see life's not about your family and friends, which those are beautiful and they're a blessing, but really life's just about your relationship with God, and this is preparing us for eternity.

00:08 So yeah, I'm completely tracking with you. It doesn't mean you don't love your family and you don't love your friends, but the most important thing is God. So- Yeah, and I'll give you a little more background on that if you don't mind. Yeah. So grow- growing up from two immigrants, I'm Jewish, and we didn't grow up re- Really?

00:08 You're Goldberg? Yeah. I thought you were Irish. Yeah, I know. It's shocking. No, I'm just I know, it's shocking. When I was a kid, ladies and gentlemen, everybody would tease me saying, "Oh, Pasqualone, what are you, Irish?" And I'm sure you got the same thing, Danny, right? Exactly. My dad grew up re- very religious, but he saw a lot of bad things growing up in Poland, and my mom grew up in Paris, was born in Egypt.

00:08 And so we grew up without really religion. We were celebrating the holidays, but really didn't know why. I didn't go into a synagogue until I was 21, 22. And me and my older brother actually did an adult bar mitzvah class when I was 28, so over 20 years now, and it was such a wonderful experience to your point, where growing up… without growing up that, that basis of religion I struggled with small and large things in my life any kind of major decisions, et cetera.

00:09 As I've gotten older, I've learned to have more faith in the pathway that's been planned for me, and I've also been able to give my kids that religious foundation that I think is so important. Because I think in today's world, David, quite frankly, that's one of the problems we have is there is no religious foundation for a lot of people, and that's why, t- in my opinion, we have a moral decline of society Yeah, I couldn't agree more, and I think our Founding Fathers, if you read the

00:09 literature they left, they formed a constitutional republic because they knew that was the only way it would stand. And in their writings, they said, "When America loses its moral compass and literally focus on God, we will lose our nation." And that's what we're seeing. People have lost their way. They've lost their integrity, their character, their moral values, and it's shown in every aspect of life, sadly, right?

00:10 Yes, sir, 100%. Yeah, man. Okay, so now you're seeing, man, some of the nicest girls in high school and college, they pick the crappiest guys, and some of the nicest guys pick the worst women. And then you get to work and you're seeing, man, the people being promoted and the people getting the best jobs aren't the 4.0 rock stars.

00:10 They're the people who I was making fun of because they could get barely get a C, right? So talk to us. Where's life going from there? I just started to learn a lot more about balance. I was at Arthur Andersen for three and a half years, and I started to forge my own path.

00:10 I went on my own almost 18 years ago now, so it took me a few years to get my foothold. But what I started to realize is, and I think a lot of people realize this, but are, they're too scared to act upon it, the corporate umbrella i- is a special type of personality.

00:11 People can be very successful in corporate America. There's a lot of people, though, that are extremely intelligent and maybe not- Work is their main priority potentially, that can definitely be successful on the entrepreneurial route. So once you take yourself away from that corporate umbrella, you realize that anything is possible. I always dare… I want- always wanted to write books.

00:11 Never even thought about it until I left corporate America. I'm like, "Hey, why don't I write a book then?" And so I've written five books now, and it's given me the opportunity to pursue many different entrepreneurial paths, but really areas where I can try to help people. A- another book I'm working on, just as a side note, is my girlfriend's always on me because she's "Oh, your etiquette's not great." I'm like what is really etiquette in today's modern society?" Are we focused on having elbows on

00:11 the table when you're eating, or is it some, or is it more, when should I pick up my phone when I'm around somebody? So I think there's so many more things that I'm actually able to explore just because I've afforded myself this opportunity. Because my whole family, my dad worked at Raytheon for 43 years TI/Raytheon.

00:12 My brothers are all working for major organizations, and they're very successful, all of them. But that wasn't my pathway, and I learned to forge my own path. Yeah. So for the people listening, they're like, "Oh man, yeah I get stuck with all the losers that I date, and these great people are going with the losers." What's something you learned about that in your life?

00:12 We'll just pick that topic as one. Like, how are you reprogramming your mind to stop being a people pleaser and a doormat to having that self-assertion and balance? So I'll date this back to my first girlfriend in high school. We eventually dated for four years. When we went to college, I found out she was dating another guy after we had just decided to be friends, and I looked at his let's just say characteristics, and he was not a good guy.

00:12 He was just generally not a good guy, had a little bit of a, a criminal record, just all kinds of stuff. And I'm like, "After me, this is where she goes?" And so I started to realize that I can't focus on other people. And I'll give you another example, my marriage. I was married for 15 years.

00:13 I've been divorced now for five years. I was the nice guy, I thought, at all times. It… And what I found too, David, is, and again, maybe I'm learning more balance in my life right now, but I would find myself to have these emotional outbursts because I didn't know how to handle my decision-making and my people-pleasing, quite frankly.

00:13 I was so focused on others that eventually I'd get so frustrated, I'd just blow up, and I would do that with my ex-wife, I'd do that with my kids. And so I've learned, and in the book we're talking a little bit about that, on how to manage that as well. But just in dating world right now, man, I've got a girlfriend.

00:13 She's a wonderful woman, but I've learned a lot that women in today's world are very materialistic, quite frankly way too focused on that. And the recurring message I give to anybody is focus on yourself and and growth in your own right, and everything good will come to you. Don't focus on people that aren't going to give you time, that aren't going to treat you with the respect that you need.

00:14 And I think that's not a dating skill, David. That's a life skill right there Yeah, no, I agree. And also, when you're who God made you to be and you're confident in it, if somebody doesn't treat you the way you should be treated, male or female, don't give that person time. 'Cause it's almost like a lot of people who are people pleasers, when the scumbag… I'm going to use the term scumbag- … guy or girl.

00:14 But when the scumbags push them off or abuse them or flat out lie to them, it's like they're almost trying to save them or rescue them or win their approval. So ladies and gentlemen, don't do that. Stop it, right? What is it? Bob Newhart. "Stop it or I'll bury you in a box."

00:14 I don't know if you ever saw that clip. Yes. That's one of my great- I, I- Huh? I still fall into that. I still fall into that vicious cycle though, that, I'm not going to people please, and then I start to. Because again, I… David, I'll be honest with you, I like keeping people happy.

00:14 I like to see people smile. I like to give to people. But in the wrong situation, people will take advantage of it. So with my girlfriend now is I've had to learn to put up lots of boundaries and limitations. And what I found is I think she actually respects me a lot more because I was willing to put up some of those boundaries and say, "Okay, this is what's acceptable to me.

00:15 This doesn't work for me." And we talk about this in a lot of our trainings that we do just for staff people, is understand expectations and you can meet them. If you don't understand what the expectations are I don't know what the pathway to success looks like. I don't know why we don't do that in relationships as well.

00:15 Tell me what you want, and I tell you if I can do that or not. If I can't do it, let's move on and be happy. Simple as that. But we just don't do that in our personal lives. Yeah. I couldn't agree more. I couldn't agree more. So let's do this now. Let's shift.

00:15 Like you said, you're, we're all growing and learning, and there's some areas we're much stronger in than others. So like you said, relationally you're still working on yourself and growing, but I think we covered that pretty well. What about professionally? You're meeting a new potential client, and you want to win the account, or you work for somebody, and you're in the corporate environment, and you got lesser people, and they're getting promoted, and you're not.

00:16 What kind of advice or practical steps do you have for them, Danny? I think I've actually gotten better at holding boundaries with clients than I have in my personal life, my my son is another area where i- it's been challenging to set up good boundaries but we've done… W- we've struggled but we've gotten there.

00:16 In the professional world, I got some advice when I first started up 18 years ago, "Don't try to be everything to everybody, and realize that you do not want to be the low-cost provider. You want to be someone that provides value and someone that provides a service that is unique, but people are willing to pay for."

00:16 And when I was first starting up, I would take almost any job, honestly. I was just happy to get the work and make some money. And what I started realizing is I wasn't I wasn't satisfied, and it really wasn't helping my bottom line now because it was much lower than our normal rates.

00:17 So what I started to do is get comfortable saying no to people putting in fail-safes into my contracts. I'll give you the perfect example. I got a call this morning. We got a class next week in the Northeast. I'm traveling up to a couple different cities, and they said, "Hey, we got a lot of stuff going on. Are you willing to move the class?" Long-time client.

00:17 If this was a first-time client, David, my answer would've been, "I'm sorry, it's already booked. We can't do anything. You're going to have to pay my full fee. And if you want to re- if you want to cancel and reschedule, you're going to have to pay another fee as well." This time I said, "Y- look, you're going to pay for this, and this, and we can move it but, you're going to pay at least the deposit down a- and eat the deposit" And they said, "Sure, no problem."

00:17 Before though, 10 years ago, I would've said, "No problem, I'm moving the class." But my time is valuable, and I think people that respect you realize that your time is valuable and are willing to pay for that. So that's why I think that if I k- if I kept being a pushover, I'd continue to get these low-end clients.

00:18 But I've learned to set those, those boundaries to say, "Hey, here's the contract. Here's what we're going to do. Here's what I'm willing to do." And it's helped me grow as an individual but also in my business as well Yeah, and I think I was just talking to a client that I worked… I do consulting as, my, one of my jobs.

00:18 And I don't know, nobody does one thing anymore. Yeah. We have the podcast, we have the consulting business, we have a handyman service. I'm blessed. I'm thankful we have s- multiple things going on. Keeps it interesting. But on the consulting, I was just doing a follow-up with a client, and when I… Do you ever… And ladies and gentlemen, this is Mark Danny and I are talking, and you can mark my words, this will happen to you.

00:18 Even when you get good at something, if you don't pay attention, the old habits creep up, and advice you gave clients you may not be doing yourself at that moment. So I was talking to this client, and they were saying how I told them, "Your rates are too low. Double your rates." And they were terrified.

00:19 I'm like, "Just do it." 'Cause they weren't valuing themselves. They weren't seeing the value. And they did it, and they were terrified. But their first client okay. Yeah. And the person doubled the rate, just like that. And then when we were talking doing a follow-up, and this was months ago we had the original conversation, I'm thinking to myself, "I keep giving my time away for free."

00:19 Yeah. I love people, I want to help people, I want to be nice, but, man, nice guys finish last. And you don't have to be… There's so many people out there, and Danny, I want you to chime in on this. I used to have it like nice people give stuff away, and they'll make the sacrifice 'cause they got a good heart.

00:19 Dude, I'll tell you what, I've had more impact, I think, in people's lives when I was charming top-notch, working less, and to me, I was, like, cold and aloof. Yeah. So I don't understand the psychology of it all- Yeah … but it, there's a fact there. Y- you talk about that a little bit.

00:20 It's interesting you said that because as I disappear off screen my executive recruiting business, it wasn't a business. It was, hey, we've got a good network of people. We know people. We can- we know your business. We can help you find somebody. And then I started realizing, why the heck am I giving this stuff away for free?

00:20 It doesn't make sense. And as soon as we came back with fees, not one person botched at it whatsoever. Because again, they knew we were good at it and are willing to pay for that. So you're right. It's… And that's the, the impetus of the book l- very much is- You don't have to be a jerk.

00:20 The goal isn't to be nice, the goal is to be kind. The goal is to be respected. And by being too nice, you get walked on and aren't respected at all. And so th- that's what this book is trying to teach, is that you've got to be able to set boundaries. You've got to be comfortable saying no, which is one of the harder things people… People do not want to say no.

00:21 Not only that, say no with no explanation at times. And you've got to be comfortable handling reasonable conflict as well. And, going back to your client con- conversation kids today in today's world are learning, especially the kids in college, are learning some hard lessons. They don't know what's going to happen in the next five years and I can I can see their fear a lot of times.

00:21 My son's a sophomore at the University of Houston, and we were talking this morning, because he does a lot of work for me in my businesses, and he's like, "Man, man, manual labor is awful." And I'm like, "Yeah, it is." And the best thing he could have gotten is a job doing… He's a cook at a restaurant.

00:21 Doing work like that, because I said… And then he was DoorDashing. I said, "Buddy, why are you DoorDashing when you have this, and this to do for me, and you make much more an hour?" He said it's because, it's for you. We have to work out some things, some personal stuff." But I told him, I said, "Stop thinking today and start thinking long term.

00:21 Start thinking big picture. What do you want to be? Because doing DoorDash for 20, 30, 40 hours a week, that's going to help some people. But someone like you that has their future ahead of them, that's set up for success, I don't know if that's the right pathway." And I think, again, a lot of people are looking short term versus thinking long term.

00:22 Long, thinking long term right now is tough with the advent of AI and all the jobs that are going to disappear. It's tough to look five years from now and say, "Where am I going to be?" Yeah, 100%, but you have to think about it. It's one of those things that, ladies and gentlemen, if you're kicking the can, stop.

00:22 Listen to Danny, listen to me. You gotta face the reality. AI's taken over. It's going to continue to grow at an exponential rate, and a lot of jobs… My own that's why I started the handyman service. Marketing consulting, the strategy will be there for a while- But the actual implementation of social media and websites and art design, all those fields are going the way of the photo booth and Blockbuster Video and, different- … things that were common when we were children, and now

00:23 the industry's completely decimated. And I've been saying this, I said about five years ago, "In five years, AI is going to take about 80% of marketing jobs." Yeah. And I think we're within a year of that. Yep. I agree. So- I'll take that a step further. I got my son this summer, I got him a subscription to Claude and then a a Mac mini computer, and he is building websites.

00:23 He's doing SEO optimization. He's doing th- And he is not a technical person, David. But there's still people out there like me and older folks that own businesses that have no idea how advanced AI is, and I agree with you. I think a lot of jobs, a lot of the lower-end, a lot of the actionable jobs are going to go away, and you're going to have to manage these tools more than anything else, and are you going to be prepared to manage them?

00:23 So yeah, you've gotta start thinking big picture. To your point, the handyman business, genius business. People think, "Oh, it's kinda low-end." I actually told my son, I said, "Get as many courses on AI as you can. Also, go to Lowe's or Home Depot or whomever and learn how to be a plumber or an electrician as well."

00:24 He hasn't done that part- 100% … but those jobs are never going to go away, and they're going to start paying exponentially more. No right now, I don't know about your area of the country, but I think most areas of the United States and globally- Welders, electricians, plumbers, all the trades, they're getting top dollar, and they are in such demand- Yeah that people are doubling their salaries- … just to get qualified labor that shows up.

00:24 So- It's not glamorous. It's not glamorous and… but it's what's going to keep you from, on survival mode or, above survival mode for years to come. So I think it's… those are great professions to be in. Yep. I honestly, if I was starting over, that's what I'd be looking at because- … it's a solid career path that you got 10 to 20 years before AI and robotics take over, and they will.

00:24 But right now, you got 10 to 20 years. So if I was going down a career path, I wouldn't be going to r- traditional college. I'd be going to trade school. I'd be picking one of those paths, and I'd be pursuing it, and then using the brain, figuring out, "Okay, now how do I get 20 to 50 people under me doing the same job so I can retire someday and not do the physical work?" Yeah.

00:25 That's the key. That's why my s- my son's going to college now, and I'm, I've got a couple of new businesses that are starting up in the next few months. And I keep telling him, "Sam, I'm really hoping this takes off," because quite frankly, what are you learning in college that is going to help you on a day-to-day basis when you get out of college?

00:25 And I ask this question all the time, 'cause I went to Texas A&M. I loved my school. It was a wonderful experience from a social, from a team building learning about yourself. But do I l- use anything I, I learned in college? Not from a s- subject matter, not at all. It's more how to work independently, how to work as teams, how to present in front of groups.

00:25 It's all those skills that are extremely important, but I don't know if you need to necessarily spend a couple hundred thousand dollars on a college degree to get them. Yeah, and think about that. Again, if you were going to be an engineer, if you were going to be a brain surgeon, if you were going to be something that was highly technical and you could only get that at college, 100% go.

00:26 Sure. But for most people in today's society, you can get more than a master's on YouTube for free. You can research almost anything, and like you said with AI, you can… Friggin' it does 90% of it for you in some areas. So ladies and gentlemen, listen to what Danny's saying. Pray about it.

00:26 I went to a college, got a degree. Like Danny, I got a master's degree. I taught at a college and I still right now, I value learning and education. But like Danny, I wouldn't recommend anybody go to college unless they have a distinct purpose and need, because all the skills you can pretty much learn.

00:26 Th- there's only one major skill, and you tell me if you agree or disagree. The stick-it-out factor. For someone to go to college for four years and finish what they started, that to me is the most important aspect of it on a resume at this point. Yeah. Did you finish what you started?

00:27 'Cause we have such a problem with people finishing what they started today. Yeah. So that would be the only thing I'd be impressed by if somebody went to college. Other than that, I really don't care. How about you? No I've never really thought of it that way, but I think you… it makes a lot of sense.

00:27 All these skills again, we… I didn't grow up with YouTube videos where I could just watch it and learn something. That just didn't happen. My son was asking me, "How did you do book reports and stuff?" I said- … "The library." You read books. I looked at other books. I read books. He's like, "Really?" I'm like, "Yeah, that's how you did it." But hey let me ask your opinion on something.

00:27 Since we've been talking about AI, I actually think over the next 20 to 30 years, yes, it's going to be a huge impact on the society. I actually think there's going to be a sect of society that rejects technology altogether. We're going to go back to DVDs CDs hard copy books. People are going to crave being with other people, so a lot of social environments I think are going to become much more important as we go on.

00:28 What are your thoughts? I agree with that. I think that myself… I'm going to use myself as an example because I know how I feel- and I think I represent a percentage of the population. At 49 years old, I hate technology, yet I'm bound to it every single day. And I, at this point, would like nothing more than to throw all of my devices in the trash and just go live life.

00:28 I don't care if I have GPS, I don't care if I have a recording, I just want to live life again. Yep. I had a client at my house today, in this chair I'm sitting in now, right? And I'm not going to say his name, of course, but he is a successful attorney, and he told me how much he hates his job right now because how broken the system is, and how in the next year or two he's going to retire

00:29 because he's "It's just, I literally hate waking up and going to work." So to answer your question with AI, and he was w- he was talking about how there's so much technology and there's so little human, and common sense is gone by, and people are getting through these loopholes in the system because of technology.

00:29 I think, like you said, there… I don't know if people are going to go Amish and live in a rebellion, but I do think we are fast… I don't think we're that far away. Did you ever see the movie WALL-E? Yeah. Where they're all sitting there fat, drinking their drinks, looking at the screens, and I really believe we're pretty much there without the extra 300 pounds.

00:30 There's people just stuck to their phone all day. They are… With AI, you had an eight-hour job that statistically people only worked three 10 years ago. Yeah. Like, when they did the numbers. And now with AI, man, they're cutting their job down to 45 minutes, so they're spending eight hours in this office just playing on the computer, not really giving their employer as much as they could, and I think there is going to be a point where the sanity is going to actually wake up-

00:30 A sect of the population. But I think most, a majority of the population is going to be brainwashed. Yes. I agree with you. I think there's going to be a small sect where again I still I buy… PlayStation just stopped giving out hard copies of the video games. It's all downloads. I'm like, "I don't want a download.

00:30 I want a hard copy of the video game." I think there's going to be people that continue to be like that, 'cause you're right. I'm the same way. I'm 51, and I'm addicted to technology, and I hate it. I hate it every day. When I can spend time with my daughter right now, my mom, just hanging out talking playing a board game, et cetera, that's quality of life there, and I think we definitely lose sight of that.

00:31 And you brought up the movie WALL-E. Great, great movie. Exemplifies where we're going. I think Idiocracy might be a better example of where we're going. Have you I haven't seen that. And that was from the '90s, right? It was actually mid-2000s. It's not- Okay … I don't want to say it's a great movie, but it's really all about the advent of technology and the dumbing down of society, 'cause that's where we're going.

00:31 'Cause we teach all the time in class, what you need to focus on as AI comes about more and more, is communication and critical thinking. Relationships matter. Now, again, I don't know if relationships are always going to matter, 'cause that might be gone as well, but good critical thinking. What are our next steps here?

00:31 How do I build good prompts to utilize these AI tools effectively? Those are really the skills that are going to be prevalent and stand the test of time. But yeah, Idiocracy is a great example of where potentially we're going, and if you watch it, it's pretty scary, quite frankly. Yeah, I'm going to check it out now that you say it.

00:32 Yeah. 'Cause I've heard of that movie. I've just never watched it. But when you were speaking that, it brought up another real fear. I don't want to say fear. I'm not afraid. Sadness. Watching the trend of society, it breaks my heart that there's so much shallow, unimportant things that make money. You have so many content creators and influencers online, and they have no substance to their life, literally no worth, other than they pimp something, and they have people following them for whatever

00:32 reason, so they make obscene money. I remember seeing this girl who was near illiterate on stage with a VP of Twitch and- … these major corporations, and she was making seven figures a month. And- She was just a pretty girl that played on her phone, near illiterate, and when question and answer time came, it was like a Tom and Jerry cartoon where you could hear things rattling in her brain.

00:33 And that girl was making seven figures a year. Yeah. So we have such a shallow society that I'm watching my son and daughter's generation, okay, 20 years old, 24 years old, 30 years old, 15 years old. They don't know how to connect and communicate p- with people on a real level. They don't know how to, you piss somebody off and you talk through it.

00:33 You work through it. You apologize, you get things right, you move on, and you actually have a stronger relationship. That's what I'm seeing, I'm really concerned about. That's a tool I think Satan's using to just destroy families and lives for generations to come if we don't right the course. That's my opinion. What are your thoughts on that?

00:34 Oh, no I 100% agree. The super- superficiality of society is scary. And in fact, we're actually working on, and it's hopefully going to be out in early '27 a, a new dating app. And people are like dating apps are… I can't stand dating apps. They're horrible," 'cause it, it really drives that superficiality.

00:34 This is the exact opposite. There's nothing, there's no pictures. It's all about compatibility and connecting with people. Because I think, David, there, there are those people out there, and hopefully there's going to be more, that w- want to have that pure human connection. And as AI and technology becomes more and more prevalent in our lives, people are going to crave that.

00:34 And to your point, that younger generation lost so many years of good communication skills 'cause of COVID. That, it wasn't the education, it was the communication, it was the teamwork, it was the sitting at home for potentially a year or two years, and the mentality has shifted because of COVID. I think everybody, and people fight me on this, everybody's a little bit lazier than they used to be because they know they can do it from home.

00:35 Why do I have to leave the house? So i- it's that mentality that's going to hopefully continue to shift away from that because you're right. Just simple conflict management skills. Good communicat- common decency, quite frankly, is another part and another aspect that has gone away to an extent- … which is scary. Sorry, I wasn't laughing at you.

00:35 I had a conflict with somebody a couple months ago, and I was just blown away o- of just how- It, it was like talking to someone who didn't understand English, and it just… Yeah, it ended badly because there was no reasoning with someone. It was like trying to t- talk to somebody who spoke a different language, and they were on another planet.

00:35 It was just so bad. And that- David, I've dated a few of those people, okay? Yeah. Let's do this. Your book, A Little Bit Asshole, talk about why you named it that. I wanted the title to be provocative, and I've heard some, great feedback on it, and then I've heard some negative feedback.

00:36 Said, "Oh, I don't want to… You know, I don't want to talk about something like that." I- it's intentionally provocative because I think that is the impetus in the story of life, is you've gotta have an edge to you in order to be successful. That doesn't make you a bad person. We don't want to be an asshole.

00:36 We want to be… have a little bit of an edge to us so people learn to respect us. Because like we were talking about earlier if you don't have that edge, if you don't know how to set boundaries, people will walk all over you and take advantage of you. And going back to my career path at Arthur Andersen, there was more than a few times where, I would go to my senior and say, "Hey, I don't have anything to do," or, I'm wrapping up for the night.

00:36 Is there anything I can do?" Boom, I'd have four or five hours of work right there. And guess what? My senior was leaving, and he was dumping all his work on me, and I'm like- That doesn't seem right anymore. This it's okay now as I'm learning, but as I begin to move up in my career path, I don't want to treat people like that.

00:37 I don't want to use them as dumping grounds. But the nice people got continually taken advantage of, and that in society in general, is people continue to get taken advantage of when they're being too nice. And so really I've, I'm, every time I talk to somebody, and I was doing research on this book for a while, people are like, "Oh, that's a great idea.

00:37 We need, I need, I would love to read something like that." And so it not only was cathartic to me to to g- to continue my journey, it's really to help others who there's so many others out there like us. And to your point, going back to the social media and the lack of content, I think we all live in echo chambers, and people, and AI, that's one of the problems with AI.

00:37 You ask ChatGPT something, and it's going to tell you back exactly what you want to hear. Not a real answer, quite frankly. And I think that's what social media is, quite frankly, is it's just a big echo chamber. People are losing those skills of, hey, I don't want to do this. I'm here to say no.

00:37 I'm willing to set boundaries, and I'm re- really willing to work through these things with conflict. Because to your point, I think that skill set has been lost, and this book is all about reteaching some of that skill set. Yeah. I agree. I'd rather have, my son and my daughter and the people I love close to me, and everything else is just icing on the cake.

00:38 And really, only God matters, like we talked- … at the beginning of the episode. Even our spouse and even our kids, that's all icing on the cake. It really is, and if that sounds cold to you, you need to go into your Bible and read more. 'Cause the older I get, the more I see.

00:38 I knew the Bible was true at 15, but now that I'm 49, man, it just has held the course of time. Yeah. Always true. I'm s- understanding it better, and I have no question. I bet my life right now that God's real and the Bible's right. So that, that's where I stand on it, and I agree with you that we need to really look at what we're doing in every aspect and find that balance where we're not a pushover, we're not an asshole, but we have that balance so we have a, a good

00:39 society where everybody's moving forward. I, David, I, I agree with you, and I would say the, the people that worry me the most is the people that have no faith in anything else. And again, it goes back to, there's a lack of… 35 years ago, let's just say, I'm just throwing out that arbitrary number, that if you were religious, people would respect that.

00:39 Now if you say you're religious, quite frankly, a lot of society looks at that as a crutch more than anything else. Yeah. And again, we're taking more of God out of society, which is unhealthy, and I think it's causing a lot of these issues, quite frankly. Yeah. No, 100%. And we're, I was talking to somebody, About three weeks ago, and I said, "Listen, why is it that we've tolerated every single religion and every single opinion in America, and yet we don't force Christian beliefs

00:40 on people who come to America?" And it's because the Bible, God gives us free will. And America was formed on the Bible, so we gave people free will. But then there's the common sense balance that we've lost. When people come to America, they should recognize this is a Chris- Judeo-Christian nation. It's built on God and religion and moral ethics, and we're not going to force you to believe it, but you're going to live by these standards.

00:40 That is America. But now we're being bullied and we're losing our country to all these other crazy ideas. And w- the conversation I had with a person besides this was If I didn't believe the Bible and I didn't believe in God, I still wouldn't believe in evolution. It makes zero sense. So if you don't want to believe in God, that's fine.

00:40 If you want to have a different belief system, that, that's your free will. But if I took a shoe and I took the lace off, and I put the shoe and the lace in a box and told you to shake it, all you're going to do is deteriorate that box, that shoe, and that lace, and it's going to fall apart.

00:41 So whether you take 1,000 years, a million years, or 13 billion years, evolution will build nothing. It will only destroy. So there had to be an initial creator. And when we're talking about this, I think people have gone that way where they're too nice, and then you have all these assholes being bullying, "You're going to believe what we believe." Yeah.

00:41 We're saying we're tolerant, but we're intolerant. Yes. So I think when you say a little bit asshole, that's a good way to put it. We want… We don't want to be a full asshole, we don't want to be a doormat, but we need to have ball… Sorry. Oh, yeah, fuck, it's my podcast.

00:41 We need to have balls, ladies and gentlemen. Now, boys have penis, girls have vagina. That's not what I mean. But we need to have courage and character, and forgive me for cussing and being dirty. No it's honestly, I think it's the emasculation of society. It's you're… The masculine energy is bad. In reality, that's what everybody searches for.

00:42 And to your point, there's a lot of immoral things going on in society. Do I speak up against everything? No. Do I agree with what they're saying? No, but we are being forced to agree with everybody because we don't want to offend anybody. It could be misogynistic or, all these other words that people use as, honestly, trigger words.

00:42 B- but they don't actually know what they're talking about. So you're right. There's a lot of things, to be… The beauty of freedom is you can do whatever you want. As long as it doesn't impact my life, I don't care. But if you're going to come to me and say, "Hey, do you agree with me?" My answer's going to be, "No.

00:42 Morally, I cannot agree with you with X or Y." You can get offended at that, but you also asked my opinion, so you shouldn't get offended. But we don't ask for opinions anymore. It's, "Hey, we're tolerant," to your point, "but you have to tolerate us and everything we do, and we don't really care for what you do either." Doesn't make sense.

00:43 And again, if you're not setting those boundaries and not a little bit of an asshole, you're going to fall into that. The the apology society, we just had a kid I don't know if you heard this story. Last week he got hired as the Trail Blazers commentator, TV commentator. He had some, I don't even think the tweets were that bad, quite frankly, but he had some t- inappropriate tweets when he was 14 years old, David.

00:43 14. So m- and then so they fired him immediately within three hours of hiring him. 29-year-old kid. It's and a lot of people took joy in that because he did some- when he was 14 years old? But again, that's a microcosm of all the problems in society right now, is we've got a small sect of society with a loud voice that everybody's listening to, and the question is should we be listening to them at all?

00:43 Yeah. I couldn't agree more. There's times, like if I ran a business, and I think you could call my old employees and they'll tell you I'm not a hypocrite. This is how I ran it. If I was hiring a graphic designer, I interviewed over the phone first so I wouldn't be biased by their looks, and then before they were hired, I took the top three and I'd have them do a project and work with me, and who did the best job?

00:44 Now, if they happen to be a Muslim or a homosexual or something I'm not, I'm still hiring them for the job. Of course. But we need to be able to have open dialogue. Because in every aspect, either you're right and I'm wrong, I'm right and you're wrong, or we both are wrong and we need to find truth.

00:44 So I believe there needs to be that balance and those boundaries. Now, if we had a ministry and it was based on our religion then I'm not going to hire a Muslim, and I'm not going to hire a homosexual, because that goes against the values of the organization. Does that make sense? 100%. To me, it makes total sense.

00:44 100%. On the other hand, a lot of people would say you're racist." Then I am. Yeah. I am 100% racist. I love the whole human race. I love the whole human race. 'Cause that's another lie. That… Did you ever think about that? I challenge people on that all the time. There's one race, the human race.

00:45 There's different cultures, there's different nations. Sure. We got different shades of brown, but there's only one race of humans. It's a psychological thing that Darwin really was the catalyst to using it to destroy and separ- separate and segregate, but it was just another evil thing that came out of evolution. Yeah. Yeah, it… I've had long conversations with my girlfriend about this.

00:45 I don't… There are… There's bad people in every religion, in every culture. I don't hate anybody. I don't hate any culture. I work, I'll work with anybody. That's irrelevant to me if you're Black, white, Muslim, et cetera, as long as you can do the job. You're hired to do a job. And going back to what you said when we talked about these social issues, there was a study out about a year ago, I can't re- I can't remember who it came from,

00:46 but they said people that use pronouns are a much less chance to get hired because they're viewed as causing drama and being a, a problem child from an HR standpoint. And, I get it, quite frankly. I really do, and it stinks to say that, but I think that is a natural hesitation because of the stereotypes of people that are using pronouns have out there.

00:46 I agree. I mean- Do you know what your pronouns are, ever? Oh, I say human. My pronouns are Hugh/man. Okay. I'm a human. Yeah. And I have that on my LinkedIn right now if you check it out, ladies and gentlemen. I actually do remember that, yeah. Yeah. I don't get- I got asked last week about that, and I looked at him like… He said, "Do you use pronouns?" I said, "Yeah." He goes, "What are your pronouns?" I said I'm a man.

00:46 There's, there should be no questioning of that whatsoever. So he, I know he had to ask, but to me it's… Dude, I'm going to say it. It's almost borderline offensive to ask me what my pronouns are, plain and simple. No, it is. It's seriously, it's mental illness that's gone to trying to become the norm.

00:47 And I really believe it's just two, 1% psychos, and even them, probably 50% of them are just troublemakers trying to stir the crap. And then the rest of the people are just tolerant. So it's just growing, but it's because the real people of America aren't standing up and saying, "Stop it." Yep. Like I was on the phone with, I had to get medical records.

00:47 When I was 19, I had radiation- … And multiple surgeries, and I had to go back to the hospital in Boston and get my medical records to see how many rads of radiation I had, 'cause I was having some dental issues. And when I was on the phone with them, the lady's asking me for my current insurance and people just aren't thinking.

00:47 I'm like, "Lady, I'm just trying to get my medical records from the past. You don't need my medical insurance." I said, "I know that's on your checklist, but I'm not even in the state." There's no need for this. And she just couldn't wrap common sense around her head. And then we got to the section on, like how do you classify yourself?

00:48 And I was like, "Listen, I don't want to badger you." I said, "But you're reading me a script that's absolutely asinine." I said, "You are a medical institution. You have my actual scientific data. I am a man. I was born a man. I will die a man genetically. Even if you cut parts off me, I'm still a man.

00:48 And if you ask me that again, I'm going to have to file a complaint for harassment." 'Cause she was asking me the dumbest questions all backed by this liberal agenda. And it makes zero sense. So ladies and gentlemen, if Danny and I teach you nothing else, fight for common sense. Please, don't let these morons run the show, 'cause we're getting deep in the woods here in America.

00:49 Yeah, and It… Quite frankly, to each his own. Want to, you want to play these games, you want to be a they/them, you do what you want, but that doesn't mean I have to buy into it. I'm not going to personally offend you. So when you ask me if your pronouns, what are my pronouns, I'm going to a- I'm just going to call you by your name.

00:49 I tell that pe- to people all the time. Just find out and learn people's names so you don't have to deal with the pronouns. 'Cause the goal, I, my goal isn't to offend anybody, but I'm also not going to buy into whatever you're doing over there. Yeah, but down south, like for instance, we're in the South, it's sir and ma'am.

00:49 And as soon as you see a man, it's, "Hey, sir, how are you?" Or, "Hey, ma'am, how are you doing?" And the thing is, that is being polite. And if you're in this environment and you just came from Seattle you're the one that needs to change. I don't go to China and expect them to change for me.

00:49 I don't go to the Middle East and vote in their system and accept them… expect them to accept it, right? Yet in America, w- these liberal crazy nuts are saying we should let everybody vote who's not an American. Yeah, that has absolute disaster written all over it, and 99% of the people know it.

00:50 But how is this even a discussion point? Yeah. It's because good people aren't saying, "You're retarded. Shut up." Yeah. That's what it comes down to. So- Yeah, no, I agree. It's it's, that's, it's a dumbing down of society. It's the acceptance of everything. Going back to your sir or ma'am, perfect example we teach in our communications class I'll talk about this because people all the time tell me during the holidays, "Merry Christmas."

00:50 Okay. Could I get offended by that? Sure. Are there people that get offended? Sure. Why would I get offended about somebody greeting me based on societal norms in a very pleasant way? Yeah. Will I correct them? I'm not going to… i'm why correct them? I tell them merry Christmas too. It doesn't bother me in that regard.

00:50 I'll just say happy holidays, whichever. But again, in, in society today, people are looking for a reason to get offended and that's the opposite of the way I grew up. Yeah. And I agree with you. Again, we… And again I- If somebody came to me and complained about God and hates God and worships Satan, I'm just going to say, m- I seriously, it's like why do you feel that way?" And I'll have a conversation with them.

00:51 "What happened in your life?" or, "What do you believe and why?" I'm not going to hate them for what they believe, 'cause I do believe in God and the Bible, and they're never going to come to know God and the Bible if we don't have real conversations. But I can s- man, you can piss me off, but to offend me?

00:51 That's what I don't get. Is it our generation, Danny? Yeah. It's hard to offend me. Yeah. You could say, "You fat, ugly, Italian piece of crap." You could say whatever you want, and I'm just like, "Cool, that's your opinion." Yeah. "You want me to go, you want me to go next?" Yeah. But how are people… Are they really offended, or are they just drama queens looking to stir the crap?

00:51 Yeah. No I tend to agree with you there. It's we're in a very unique time in society that there's basically a fork in the road where we're going to go a- and everything we've been talking about. And we'll see we'll see what path is clearer. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, grab Danny's book, A Little Bit Asshole.

00:52 You can get it on Amazon, right? Or they go to your website. What's best? You can actually get it on Amazon, but I've, in North America if you're looking for a copy you can go to littlebitahole.com, and that's all about our our book, and you can buy a copy there. You can also find me on LinkedIn or Twitter under Danny M as in Michael Goldberg.

00:52 Awesome. So between your birth and today, Danny, is there anything else we missed before we transition to where are you today and where are you headed next, or how can we as a community help you? I got some new ventures, but I really just am really happy that you gave me the opportunity to talk about the book and really promote it.

00:52 Do I want to sell copies? Of course I do, but I think there's value to it from people that have struggled with this problem just like me. You lose your identity, and you actually lose your self-confidence when you're focusing on other people's needs versus yours and and what you believe. Yeah, and to talk about the book, ladies and gentlemen, I have had to read a lot of books in my life.

00:53 Had to. See how I said that? I like learning. I love reading my Bible, and I'm not trying to be super religious. I love reading practical books I can apply, like How to Win Friends and Influence People, even though I probably broke 15 points in it, but all that comes from the Bible, so I really offended God if anybody, and that's the only one I care about.

00:53 But Danny's book is short. It's not like War and Peace. It's not thousands of pages. It's got big font, and it's easy to read, and at 49 that means a lot to me. Thank you, Danny. But talk about there's a certain format to this book. It's not like you're just reading paragraphs. Talk about the format of the book and why you wrote it that way.

00:53 The the first communication skills… I wrote a a, a series of books called People-Centric Skills: Communication Skills for Internal Audit Finance Accounting Professionals, and what I found is, first off, there wasn't much on the topic, so we dove headfirst, and it was very successful. But the format was let's put up front what you're going to learn about on each each chapter.

00:54 Let's talk about it. Let's give you practical situations, and then let's try to end the chapter with here's how to apply what we just learned. And so we kept that set up to a certain extent in this book as well. It was a little more difficult based on the topic, but yeah, it's all about practical knowledge.

00:54 Okay, one of the things we talk about reports in class all the time, and I'm like if the report is too long, nobody's going to read it, just like a book. If it's 400 pages, 500, nobody wants to read that. So we try to keep all our books in big fonts, under 200 pages because when someone grabs it they can take it on a plane over two hours, three hours and read the book.

00:54 Simple as that. This is not a long, a week, two-week-long task. And I think that helps people want to read it because it's not intimidating. Absolutely. Danny, it's been a true pleasure and honor. Thank you for being here today. Is there anything else you want to share with our audience before we wrap this up?

00:55 N- David, I, first off, again, I, thank you for having me. It's been fun. I would just leave you with the message is have faith. Have faith in what you're doing, have faith in God, because faith will drive you a lot further than you could really think. I agree. And ladies and gentlemen, we love you.

00:55 Reach out to Danny. The sh- show notes has his links and contact info. Reach out to myself, and however we can help you, we will. If not, share this episode with your friends and family. Let's hopefully we'll help people. And we love you, and we'll see you in the next episode. Ciao! Ladies and gentlemen, I sincerely hope this show has inspired you.

00:55 The whole purpose of the Remarkable People Podcast is to inspire you, to motivate you into action, to help you have an even better life, to overcome things you've not yet been able to overcome, or to grow to the next level that you never thought possible. And all of this, not just to benefit you in this world- Yeah … but to have you come to a relationship with God where it grows every day stronger, and not just this world is blessed, but your eternity is blessed.

00:56 And we sincerely want to do just that, and to glorify God, and we hope with this episode we accomplish that. If we did, please let me know. It's great to be encouraged and to spread the word to our remarkable guest that it helped in your life. If we didn't, let me know. Write me an email.

00:56 You can go to davidpasqualone.com, go to our Contact Us page, and let me know what you think. I got tough skin, let it rip. Anything you can think of to make this a better podcast, to help you grow and to glorify God, I'm in. So that's it. Thank you for listening to the podcast.

00:57 Thank you for sending us feedback. If we can help you in any way, let us know, and if you can spread the word about the Remarkable People Podcast, share the episode to your friends, your family, on social media, it would be a huge honor and blessing. Again, I'm not trying to be the most famous podcast in the world for my benefit.

00:57 I truly want a podcast that's the best podcast in the world to help as many people as we can to have a better life, come to know Christ, to grow in the Lord, and to have that salvation so they can be with God in peace and joy and eternity. And right now we're together on this earth, so let's do everything we can to work together and help each other grow.

00:57 Like the Bible says, "Love the Lord thy God" as a first commandment, and the next commandment is to, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." So let's do it together. I'm David Pasqualone. I love you, not as much as God loves you, but if I can help you in any way, just ask. And again, please share this with your friends and family so we can help them too.

00:58 Ciao and see you in the next episode! The Remarkable People Podcast. Check it out. Remarkable People Podcast. Listen. Do. Repeat. For Life! The Remarkable People Podcast