Getting Out of Our Comfort Zone & Using Our Fears as a Driving Force for Change | Nancy Pickard
Have you heard the story of the woman who had a great childhood, but burned herself with a lighter at five years old, endured 1st and 2nd degree burns, and realized years later the negative impact this intense moment had in her life? You know, the one where after being married for 26 years, her husband had a midlife crisis that shattered her world, and revealed the pain and insecurities of the past.
Our guest today not only intimately shares her story, but she talks about how we can get out of our comfort zone, grow as humans, and use our fears as a driving force to fulfill us, cause positive change in our lives, and achieve our dreams. Today she is an author, coach, entrepreneur, personal trainer, and as you will see, she’s part of our remarkable community and a friend. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Nancy Pickard story!
INTERVIEW Nancy Pickard Getting Out of Our Comfort Zone and Using Our Fears as a Driving Force for Change:
Hey Nancy, how are you today? I’m great. How are you? Oh, I’m fantastic. Welcome to the podcast. I just told our listeners about you and they’re pumped for your episode. [00:02:00] Before we dig in, I just wanted to ask you this question at the end of listening to your story.
If our listeners had one takeaway that you want them to be able to grow from and walk away with and learn from, what would that be? That you have to get outta your comfort zone. And you have to use your fears as a driving force for change. Amen. It’s great advice. So ladies and gentlemen, at this time, Nancy is gonna start off with her remarkable story and she’s gonna unpack a ton of gold and life lessons.
But if you listen through the entire episode, that’s just one of the great and main messages you’re gonna get. So, Nancy, at this time, Where were you born? What was your upbringing like? You know, mother and father in the house, divorced? Would you have brothers and sisters? Start from the beginning. Okay. I was born in Buffalo, New [00:03:00] York and I was the youngest of three girls and I had a really nice.
Childhood and honestly, I was the baby in the family and I was my mom’s favorite because I was the baby in the family. We were really close. I grew up with the belief that I could do anything I wanted. I could be anything I wanted, but I also was. Was really brought up to believe that I can do anything I wanted, but it should fit in with being a wife and mother.
So like don’t have a huge career. Have a career like be a teacher. Be something that you can be around when your kids come home. And not that being a teacher’s not a great job, but I shouldn’t go out and be like a full corporate person. It just wasn’t something that I was fed to. And so I grew up with that, really believing that that was [00:04:00] all I ever wanted and it really, for a very long time, it served me and it was what I wanted when I was five years old.
I was playing with a lighter and I put myself on fire and I was in the hospital for a week and I, my whole body was, had burns on it, but they were first and second degree burns. So I don’t have any burns that like, I don’t have any scars on my body. I didn’t get in trouble because I was still alive, and so I didn’t.
Really give that event a lot of meaning. But as I’ve grown up and then now, you know, fast forward as I started to become a shadow coach, which I’m sure we’ll get into I developed the belief in that moment that I wasn’t safe alone. And that belief buried in my subconscious played a huge role in my entire life, so I’m sure we’ll get into that.
But growing up in Buffalo, I grew up in a middle class family. My dad owned a [00:05:00] plumbing and heating contracting business. I was the third girl, so I was like the son. My dad never had, I was. Very athletic and I went to all the football games with him, and I was just the son he never had, but I also had a boyfriend from the time I was 12 years old because that belief that I wasn’t safe alone, ruled my operating system and kept me as a serial relationship.
and the promise or the underlying commitment that I made to myself at the same time was to never be alone. So I became everybody’s best friend, and I became a people pleaser, and I learned to twist myself up in a pretzel to be digestible to other people. And I always had friends and I always had a boyfriend, and therefore I [00:06:00] never had to be.
And it served me like all shadow beliefs do when we’re children, but as an adult, it helps you to stay small and so it no longer served me, which I’m sure we’ll get into later.
so you’re growing up, you have this traumatic. Experience where you set yourself on fire? How long did it take you to recover?
I wasn’t in the hospital for a week, so I don’t really remember. I was only five, but I think that, you know, maybe I was house, you know, in the house for like another week or so, but that’s it. It really literally, Never like hit my radar that this was a really big deal until I was almost 50 when I was working with a shadow coach.
I’d been in another, I’d been in a car accident and I had ptsd, and we started to work on that issue and uncover [00:07:00] something in my subconscious was really upset about the accident and what was in there. It was this little five year old girl saying, I’m not safe. Okay, so I went through, you know, high school and college and master’s degree.
I got married at 21 and married the love of my life. We moved to New York cuz that’s, he was from Long Island and I was really happily married for 26 years, which is a long time in today’s world for marriages to last. And so I felt special my whole life until. 26 years into my marriage, my ex-husband had a huge midlife crisis and didn’t wanna be married anymore, and that’s when my entire life shattered, broken.
I was on my knees just crashed because it wasn’t just that he didn’t want me, but I felt like the whole beautiful family and world [00:08:00] that I had built was also crumbling down. And I just didn’t have the tools or the strategies to know what to do next and to how. Overcome it to becom with you. So let’s do this.
There’s so many people who are sadly have experienced this or are experiencing it now, between your childhood and this divorce, was there anything else significant before we move forward? That happened in your life, or was everything, like you said, it was great, you had a wonderful life. Was there anything else forming or was it the car accident?
Was that catalyst then you went into the next level with the divorce? No, actually the divorce happened before the car accident, so, Oh. Yeah, so I think that I had, I had normally smooth sailing, you know, I went to college. I actually graduated in three years. I got straight A’s I got [00:09:00] married. I didn’t really work because about, I mean, I worked for like a year and a half, and then I got pregnant.
and became a wife and mother. And that was really what I did until my kids were in school. I be, I started, I had a master’s in education. I went and taught nursery school and then eventually I opened up a personal training gym and I owned at the gym for 16 years and all like, it was just really smooth sailing, I have to say.
My life was very smooth sailing and the thing I will say about shadow beliefs is, Some people have horrific childhoods and grow up believing they’re unworthy, they’re broken, they’re not good enough. Other people have really good childhoods and grow up thinking that they’re special. While you’re only special until you’re not, you know?
And then what’s that happens? You also feel unworthy. So [00:10:00] eventually, One way or the other, we all get to this place of just not feeling worthy, feeling broken, feeling like we’re not enough, and you get it. You come to that one way or the other. So let’s talk about this then. You’re in your forties because you said you got married at 21 and then your husband has this midlife crisis.
Was it something 26 years later? Yeah, 26 years later. Was it something you saw coming? Did you have signs throughout the marriage? Did it completely blindside you? What happened during your forties? It completely blindsided me. That’s number one. As my husband became more and more and more successful, he You couldn’t fill him up.
He needed more and more and more. You know, you couldn’t buy enough. You couldn’t spend enough, You couldn’t do enough. And [00:11:00] you know, I, I grew up this girl from Buffalo, so I actually grew up not. Needing all of those things, but that’s not what happened. What happened is his mom had a bipolar episode and literally we didn’t have a clue that she was bipolar.
But what came out in that episode was that he should have had a clue. She had been taken away in a straight jacket when he was. , two years old, I think, or three years old, and was gone for six months and they went to visit her every month in the hospital, but he had buried the entire thing. Mm. And that’s how a narcissist is actually formed.
A true psychological narcissist. Like, you know, there’s a million people out there that are calling everybody narcissists. When something traumatic [00:12:00] happens in your childhood and you bury it, there’s actually a break in your psyche and when later on in life something happens and you, it cracks you back open to that time in your life when you were a narcissist.
That’s where you get brought back to. Mm-hmm. and. So when he no longer wanted to be married, he didn’t wanna be stuck with a woman like he envisioned his father was stuck with his mother. Even though I have nothing like his mother, he didn’t want that. And so he, we got divorced and he ended up marrying somebody 23 years younger than him, thinking that would do the trick.
You know, now somebody would be taking care of him instead of vice. Yeah, and let’s go. That’s again, sadly such the story we hear, not your story is not important, but what I’m saying is we hear that story too many times and it’s, it’s so typical, [00:13:00] it’s so painful and it’s so, yeah. Traumatic. It’s the deepest, I personally believe that our society brushes off divorce.
But when someone love is a choice, you know, there’s different levels. Like God is love. Mm-hmm. . But when it comes to relationships, love is a choice. And when someone who makes a vow at God and us, Decides to break those vows. It’s damaging and it brings to even the most stable individual feelings of inadequacy questioning their own being.
So how did this divorce affect you personally? What were you going through? And I’m sure it wasn’t a month and you’re back on your feet. I’m sure it took a long time. Yeah. So what happened when all this shook out? Great question. So the thing is, I was very other referenced, meaning I saw myself through the eyes of my husband.[00:14:00]
So for 26 years, he loved me. He thought I was great. So then I loved me and I thought I was great, and when he no longer wanted me, then obviously I was unworthy and I was no longer. So for a very long time, I, I was dating, I mean, I was 46 years old. I would, I got back on that horse and I was trying to fix that picture and, but every single guy I dated, it didn’t matter how special they thought I was or how amazing they thought I was because my husband didn’t see me that way.
I didn’t see myself that way. You know how they’ll say, you know, any group that wants me must be not be a good group. Mm-hmm. , you know, because if they want me, You know, how good can they be was the kind of thought I had with every man I dated. And it took me a really long time to do the work. [00:15:00] It, it was much later I was, I had moved to Colorado and I started dating somebody else.
We were together for six years. We were engaged, we were living together. And when that relationship broke up is when I said, Wow, I don’t ever wanna be here again. I cannot believe I’m here again. And there is something that the universe wants me to know that I need to figure out. I need to do the work on me.
It can’t just be the men I’m picking. And that started this whole, I’ve been in this bus, this business, and this conversation for 10 years now, working on myself. Seeing what are the beliefs inside of me that attracted these people and these situations, and what are the lessons that the universe wanted me to learn so I wouldn’t be here again?
Excellent. So now, Our listeners are probably [00:16:00] like, Okay, get to it. What did you do to help? What did you do to heal? Before we get there, is there anything from your birth to when you got to this point that we want to cover and where does the car accident fit in the story? Like you got divorced at the same, so yeah, got divorced and then maybe two or three years later, I met my fiance. We were together for six years and within a couple of months of our breaking up, I had the car accident. And so that’s really when my evolution began. I hired a Heal in Your Heart Coach, which is one of the things that I am, which is amazing work with people who are suffering from loss, loss of loss from divorce, loss from a breakup, loss from death, loss from estrangement with a parent or a child.
And while I started this program, I decided that I wanted to get myself a, a healing your heart coach, [00:17:00] and I wanted to become a healing your heart coach. And so I’m not gonna say my childhood was perfect. I mean, I, but I will say that I was always in a relationship which met, met. Helped me feel safe.
Mm-hmm. , And that even in my whole 26 year marriage, I thought I was so successful and so happy, and so every whatever it was I was feeling because I was half of a hole. The reality is, and the big lesson I learned that I want everyone to learn is that I was whole. I was worthy just because I was breathing and I was whole alone.
I didn’t need anyone else to make me whole. And that’s huge. And I think that any woman [00:18:00] listening to this podcast probably doesn’t recognize that she also is whole all by he. Yeah. And all men too. I mean, women, men, there’s, this is a, as everybody, Yeah. I don’t think this is a, a gender. I think there’s definitely, Yeah.
It may not be, but it it, But I do think men inherently have more confidence than women and feel more worthy than women. I do. Yeah. And I’m not saying that there aren’t men out there that don’t feel worthy, and there aren’t men out there that are not confident. But I think that if you were gonna ask a thousand men versus a thousand women, there’d be a difference.
I agree. Cuz the way God built us were equals, but were different and similar does not mean the same. So we’re I agree with you completely. The needs of a woman and the needs of a man are different, and the way we’re built from the core out is different. [00:19:00] So now what were the steps that you took? To start your journey of healing.
So if our listeners like, Okay, I’m here with a pen and a paper. Where do I start? I went through that trauma. What do I do? Yeah, well I got myself a shadow coach, which is what I am. I’m an integrative life coach and we work on the shadow beliefs. So I’m just gonna give you a little background on what shadow beliefs are and underlying commitments.
So you, I was just gonna ask you that cuz not everybody’s familiar with that term. So definitely define shadow coach shadow beliefs. I didn’t know it either. So Yeah, so if you’re sitting there saying, Well what is that? Don’t worry about it, I’m gonna tell you. So under the age of 10, we all things happen and we’re really not emotionally mature enough to understand what happens.
So in my case, that fire and the belief that I’m not safe alone, it never even hit my [00:20:00] conscious mind. It went straight to my subconscious mind. And our subconscious mind is like way bigger than our conscious. So I may not have known at five years old that I wasn’t safe at lo alone, but that belief got buried in my subconscious.
And then the promise that I made, the strategy that I made to keep that belief alive was to never be alone and to be a people pleaser and to do everything I can. So people would like me and wanna be around. So other examples of shadow beliefs. Let’s say you’re eight years old and you stand up in class and you read a passage and you say something wrong, and the kids in the class laugh at you in an instant, you have a belief that you’re stupid and you need to stay quiet.
That’s formed to keep you safe. And so you go through your whole elementary and do your house, and you [00:21:00] never raise your hand. You never like ask to read you, you like, unless you’re targeted, you’re quiet and that does keep you safe. Nobody’s laughing at you. But fast forward, you’re 30 years old, you’re in a meeting and you still stay quiet and you still don’t give your opinions and your career doesn’t go where it could go.
because you’re staying quiet. So what first served you is no longer serving you? So similarly, beliefs sound like this. I’m unworthy, I’m broken. I need to be perfect, to be loved. I need to control everything to be safe. My needs don’t matter. My voice doesn’t matter. Spiritual or religious, people don’t care about money.
I’m not good with money. I’ll never be chosen. I’m unlovable. These are all real beliefs. that [00:22:00] so many people have and they’re formed because of things that happened. Let’s say you’re five years old or you’re three years old and your mom is late to pick you up. She got stuck in traffic. It wasn’t her.
You know, it was unfortunate that it happened, but in an instant, you decide subconsciously, my needs will never be met or I’m unlovable. or I’ll never be taken care of. So I have clients who were sexually abused at three years old. They may not even have remembered it. And yet they have this belief that they need to be invisible, or they have a belief that they’re a bad person because something bad happened to them.
When you’re so young, you think, Well, you must be bad for a bad thing to happen to you. Instead of being old enough to recognize this person just did a really bad thing to you and you’re innocent. So [00:23:00] all of these shadow beliefs really rule our operating system. And so when clients come to me and they’re unhappy or they, they say it, you know, I want, I want, you know, I want X, but what I’m experiencing is y.
You know, I wanna lose 20 pounds. I can’t do it. I don’t know why I wanna move across the country. I can’t seem to do it. I wanna be in a relationship like my clock is ticking. I wanna have a baby. I can’t. I can’t find a relationship, or I wanna leave my relationship and I’m not brave enough to do it. Or I’m unhappy, but I can’t leave because of X, Y, Z.
All of these things are being controlled by a belief that you’re not even aware. But it’s ruling your operating system. It is keeping you stuck, plain, small, unhappy, and not getting the exact things that you say you want.[00:24:00]
So to go along with the shadow beliefs. Our unconscious commitments, and those are the commitments that I said earlier that we use to keep our belief alive, and those commitments attract situations and people into our lives to make sure that the limitations that we set for ourselves. Our ego wants to be right if our ego thinks we’re not good enough.
It only, it looks through the lens of not good enough, and it attracts people and situations to prove to us how not good enough. We are over and over and over again. So, you know, you’ll hear people say, I don’t know why I keep attracting the same person, or I can’t believe I found out after I married him that he’s an alcoholic because my dad was an alcoholic and it was the last thing I ever wanted.[00:25:00]
But there’s a thing, it’s called cognitive dissonance. Our brain wants to be right and our brain knows what it knows and wants to be.
So we attract exactly what our limiting beliefs about ourselves are.
Now, how did you start breaking free from this? How did you start rewriting that program in your operating system, in your subconscious? Well, I didn’t know I had those beliefs until I started to uncover them with the shadow coach. And so just like what I do, I take you through a process by getting you into your heart instead of your head and having you close your eyes.
And like I start by asking you like where in your life are you stuck or dis [00:26:00] dissatisfied or not living the life you want? And. And then once we, we work on that. Well, what are the feelings that go along with that? How? How are you feeling? I’m feeling sad. I’m feeling disappointed. I’m feeling angry. I’m feeling unworthy.
Okay. And then we bring it back in time. Well, when else in your life have you felt that way? And then we start, we keep going back and back and back until we uncover an event that happened in your childhood where you felt those feelings. And then we talk about it, Okay, what happened? Who was there? What did you make it mean about you?
And then all of a sudden you’ll be like, Oh my God, that makes so much sense. I can’t believe that. And you connect the dots like, Oh, now I know why I’m afraid to speak up and my, I don’t believe that I had a choice, or that my voice mattered or that my needs [00:27:00] mattered. Now I see that, you know, I grew up, I was the sixth kid in a house and nobody cared about what I thought.
And you know, if I spoke up, my dad would smack me. And so you grow up believing that your voice doesn’t matter, your needs don’t matter. and then you know, now you don’t know how to set healthy boundaries because you don’t think you’re worthy of having your needs met. So that’s the work. The work is starting to uncover those things, and I keep taking you through process after process till you uncover it.
And then once you uncover it, the reality is it’s a childhood belief. And when you uncover it, your adult conscious mind can say, Oh, wow. I am safe alone. My voice does matter. My needs matter. I am [00:28:00] lovable. I should be chosen. All of these things. Start to make sense once you uncover them and when you uncover them and you bring them into the light, they lose a lot of their power.
Not all of it, but they lose a lot of their power. And then we start working on reinforcing it. Affirmations, etching, tapping. These are all techniques. Over and over again with action steps. So for me, for an example, an action step my disempowering belief was, I’m not safe alone. My empowering belief is that I am 100% safe alone.
And my action steps could be, I’m gonna put a sticky note on my mirror and I’m gonna look at myself in the mirror. Twice a day, look at myself in the mirror and look at my eyes and say, I am safe alone. And then an action [00:29:00] step would be, I’m gonna go to dinner alone. I’m gonna get on a plane and take a trip alone.
All of the things that I’m afraid to do, I’m gonna start to do to prove to my wounded inner inner child that it’s. You know, I tell all of my clients to get a picture of themself as a child under the age of 10, and start talking to her or him every single day. Let them know they’re safe. You’ve got them.
You are here. And that the wounds of the, of, you know, there is, there is a relationship therapist, his name is Terry Real, and he talks about the adaptive child. You know, you have your conscious adult and you have your adaptive child. And the adaptive child is the one that’s always getting wounded and is always getting triggered and is always in the arguments.
that child has learned to adapt to its own wounds from its childhood, but they get triggered all the time. [00:30:00] And so you have to catch yourself and recognize that that’s your adaptive child and that you’re in a conscious adult and you wanna, you wanna live from this position. Mm-hmm. . So when you keep having these thoughts that are really your adaptive child’s thoughts, you have to tell yourself, I’m not my thought.
You know, you can have a thought that doesn’t make it true, and you can, you can turn it off after that first thought. You’re not responsible for your first thought. It’s gonna happen. You can’t stop it. That’s your humanity. But you have control of stopping the second and the third and the monkey brain and the going, and going and going, and it takes work.
But it’s do. And you said you start that process by running down all the false beliefs and then replacing them with the truth, the truth statements, and you just keep repeating them to yourselves and even going as far as repeating them to the picture of your childhood, your, [00:31:00] your younger self. Yes. That’s one of, that’s one way of doing it, for sure.
Yeah. No, I’m just kind of recapping. Yeah. And then, Yeah, no, that is one way I. , it’s easier to do it with a coach. I have all of those in same internal processes in my book. So you can listen to them or you can read them and do the exercises yourself. It’s not quite as easy to really do it on your own and uncover what’s in your subconscious because your ego is very resistant and will want to hold on and be safe.
And so, It’s not impossible, but if you really feel stuck in your life, if you, if your listeners are really knowing that they’re stuck, they’re not getting where they want, they’re sad, they’re disappointed, they feel discouraged. I recommend them getting themselves a shadow [00:32:00] coach to do the work because it’s just a quicker way to get to where you wanna.
Yeah, and if you’ve already, so you have to do it alone. If you’re 45 and you’re listening to this, or 65 or 25, and you haven’t had victory over it yet on your own, it might be time to and to get help and to just take it head on with a guide. What do you. Explain as ego, cuz most people use ego as a superficial term just means arrogance.
It’s not really what the psychological definition of ego is. How do you define ego? I think that the ego is the part of your brain that. Is ruled by all of these beliefs that I’ve been talking about, and it goes for your limitations, and it wants to be safe and it wants to be right. So when [00:33:00] people think of it as arrogance, it’s because your ego does wanna be right.
But I think what people don’t realize is that although your ego wants to be right, it’s also being ruled by all of these wounds from your childhood. So, It’s actually fighting for your, your limits instead of your what you want. It really fights for your limits, and the ego is just a part of the brain that’s controlled by those exact wounds from your childhood.
And when people are struggling with this, everybody has a different reaction. And the way they medicate pain. So they’re hearing these lies and these false beliefs, these limiting beliefs, and they’re struggling. So some people turn to, I’m going to bed, they sleep. Some people turn to pornography, some people [00:34:00] turn to alcohol.
Drugs, which both are drugs, but you know what I mean. Everybody medicates the pain in a different way and it causes them real issues throughout life. So when you’re working. Clients and you’re trying to get them out. Is there a foundational starting point? Like you go back to the childhood, you recognize where the pain’s coming from, and then you build through it to get freedom from all of the addictions and all the medication?
Is that how it works? Yes, but it’s not like therapy where every single week I’m taking you, it’s not like a psychotherapy. I’m not taking you back every single week and relive your whole childhood. I’m starting with today and finding out what’s not working, and then reconstructing backwards to see what the belief is that’s got you blocked.
Gotcha. Now, when it could [00:35:00] be lots of belief. Yes. And usually there are, right cuz they compound on each other. Now what about from your divorce and when you started traveling and on this journey to healing, How long did it take you before you really felt, huh, I’m in a good place? Well that’s an interesting question.
So, I think that I used to think I needed to fix this, this picture so that once, if I was back in a relationship and I was on the track of being in a committed relationship and I had friends again, and I was living a nice social life and everything was working. I was being who I originally thought I needed to be.
I was back there. But in this work, after my fiance and I split up, I really got to [00:36:00] a place over maybe. I would say like within the first year I coached, I got coached for a year, and in that year I immediately, within the first few weeks, saw that I was not the victim in my story. I was the co-creator. Of my life and that everything happened, happened for a reason.
It happened for the evolution of my soul. It was meant to happen. There are lessons I needed to learn and that if I didn’t learn ’em, I was gonna get them over and over and bigger and bigger, so I might as well learn them now. And so it was, it was during the world of coaching. So within the first few months of coaching, I felt very different.
I learned to become the observer and not the reactor in my life, which was huge. One of the biggest things I learned to do, and we, we could talk about that again in, in a minute, but [00:37:00] it’s an evolution. I am always in the conversation because not only have I been coaching for 10 years, I have maybe seven or eight or nine different coaching certificates in different areas.
I became a mentor of coaches, so I was in two different programs in the last 10 years of helping coaches become coaches. And so all of that work, and it’s like an onion, and I was peeling away layer after layer after layer. and it’s not like I had this moment and now I was this new person. It’s an evolution and I am sure two years from now I’ll still be different than I am today.
So once I uncovered the belief that I wasn’t safe alone and then I started and I was, became a coach, [00:38:00] And then I was turning 60 and when I was turning 60, I saw such a big number. When I was turning 60, I thought, Oh God, this is like a bad number. And I used to own a personal training gym. So I really, a lot of my identity has always been around athletic.
You know, triathlete, you know, marathon runner set. Huge century bike rider, very athletic. And so when I was turning 60, I realized I wanted to do something really big outside my comfort zone that was gonna show me I still had it. Cause don’t forget, I had two huge breaks that really. Upset me, saddened me, made me question my, my worth over, you know, my divorce and my fiance and I breaking up.
[00:39:00] So I decide, so I started to train for team and training with, with team and training for leukemia to go and do Mount Kilimanjaro. I thought that was gonna be big, you know, 19,340. Feet and I was gonna be traveling alone and that was a whole big to-do for me. So I joined this group that was doing it and honestly it was a California group cuz I had been splitting my time.
But I really was doing all my living in training at that time in Colorado. So I didn’t even, I think I did two, two hikes with that group. So I really didn’t train with them. I really trained on my own and as. As a past personal trainer, I obviously knew how to train on my own, and so I was 61 by the time I just, I was like two weeks into 61 by the time the trip took place and I rocked it [00:40:00] and it was like this.
Huge aha for me. And you still got it. And you were amazing. And I was so overtrained that I couldn’t even hike with the other people in my groups. I had to get my own Sherpa’s because I was so much faster than on them. And I was like, I don’t wanna go at the pace of people who didn’t train like I did. I want, this is like my big thing.
I wanna do it my way and I wanna have the, you know, experience that I had hoped for. and I did and it was amazing. And so that was my coming into the mantra of bigger, better, braver, you know. If I don’t do this, I won’t be able to climb Kilimanjaro. If I don’t, you know, go to Tony Robbins thing and walk over a fire, I won’t be able to climb Kilimanjaro.
And if I don’t, you know ski down all the double black diamonds in Colorado, I won’t be able to do Kilimanjaro. It was like really my mantra. [00:41:00] And from that I really started to use my fears. as a driving force. If I can’t, I must. If there’s something I’m afraid to do, I have to do it. And then I climbed Kilimanjaro and then I decided to write a book.
That I originally thought was gonna be called, Well, what’s your Kilimanjaro? Meaning you don’t have to climb a mountain. Maybe your Kilimanjaro is changing jobs, getting married, getting out of, you know, getting divorced, moving across the country. Whatever, you know, starting your own job, whatever your KI jar is, I wanted to help people be able to do that and that’s what I do with my clients.
But not everybody can afford a cl a coach, so that’s my book became a how to a 10 steps. How to uncover your soul’s vision, how to get out of autopilot, how to uncover your shadow beliefs, your unconscious [00:42:00] commitments, how to have a growth mindset, how to become the observer and not the reactor, and how to take the jump, how to do it, how to really do it, and trust yourself.
That’s fantastic. Thank you for being so transparent, Nancy. Now, between your birth and today, is there anything we missed in your story or any lessons or thoughts you wanna share before we transition to where are you today and where are you heading?
Well, I think that I grew up thinking my mother was amazing and could do anything and was really, really strong. And so I always had that belief that I was strong and I could do anything. Although it was mixed up in this whole, I was strong and I could do anything as long as I had a partner and I had a lot of serious boyfriends that helped [00:43:00] shape me.
And I mean, I’m still, I had a boyfriend all through high school that actually was kind of abusive in high school, but I was, I still didn’t have that self worth. So I took it all. I took it all. I took it all until I didn’t anymore. And we’re still friends now. As a matter of fact, I even coached his, his partner a few years ago.
But I just think everything was forming me. Like I, I went to college and I had a BA in Psychology and Sociology, and then I got a master’s in education. Then I owned a personal training gym. So becoming a coach was sort of like an evolution that I wasn’t even aware. And so it’s really interesting for people to reconstruct, go backwards and see all the things you’ve done in your life that have [00:44:00] brought you to this moment.
And so each of those things actually helped me be who I am today, even though I never had any kind of aspiration to be. An international best selling author and a coach that was never in my, in my framework at all. So, but when you look back, each step helped me be who I am today. Even when I work with clients who come to me for, for one thing, but they’re, you know, 50 or 75 pounds overweight, I click right into, I’m a holistic lifestyle coach.
Let’s work on that too. You know, I can help you with that. So it’s like everything builds on everything else. I coach parenting while having a, a master’s in early education is so helpful. Yet, I never would’ve thought that those dots were gonna all bring [00:45:00] me to where I am here. That’s awesome. Yeah, and we just keep learning, growing, and when God’s done with us, he’ll take us home.
Right. We’ll keep growing until he takes us home. Yeah, Hopefully. Hopefully. Yeah. I mean, not hopefully he’ll take us home, but hopefully people don’t get to a point where they think, Oh, I’m too old. I’m too this. I’m too. You have to have a growth mindset. You always have to want the next step, the next step, the next step.
What are you gonna do? That’s not like saying, I want more things, I need more money. I need more toys, I need more this. It’s like you, What’s the evolution of your soul? Want for you? Why are you on this earth, right? I mean, I’m sure you didn’t start out thinking you were gonna be what you are. Yeah, a hundred percent.
I actually had limiting beliefs that said, You’re worthless, You’re a piece of crap. You know, you’re nothing. So I [00:46:00] look back and I’m like, Wow, God is good. God is very good. so well. How did you develop those beliefs? Do you, can you pinpoint why you had those beliefs? For me, it was during the whole process of life and the journey, Like I said, we all have quote unquote good, bad experiences.
Mm-hmm. , it was like, I believe deep in my soul that God is only a loving good God and he only allows things to happen if ultimately it will be better for us. So that’s my, one of my core beliefs. So I’d always look back and say, Okay, if this happened, I may not know why it happened, but what am I supposed to learn from it?
And I’m gonna keep trying to strive and grow and people may do it way better than me, but I can only do what I can do, right? So that was kind of my thing. Just keep set [00:47:00] a goal and keep working towards it. And if it’s the wrong goal, God will correct me and change it. But if not, we’re gonna achieve it or die.
So that was the mindset that I ended up with, even though the majority of my life was, You suck. You’re no good. Negative, negative, negative. It was like, No, no, no. That’s a lie. I’m not gonna believe saying I’m gonna believe God. Does that make sense? No, it, it 100% makes sense. But I’m just curious if, how did you get to that?
How did you switch from I’m a worth. I mean, did you always have this belief in God or did that come to you at some point and therefore that made you change your thought process? When I was 15, I hit this incredibly bad low, and there was a pastor in my town that would always come by and play basketball with the teenagers, knock on the door, invite ’em to youth group.
And when I was at this low, I just felt. [00:48:00] I need to go to that church and learn what he’s talking about. Mm-hmm. . So when I was 15, I went to church and I always believed there was a God, but at that point I learned about how much he loved me and that he’s real, and that when we, even the demons believe in God, but they don’t trust God.
So when you trust God and you give him your. He’s my father and he loves me and he’s gonna care for me. So that was the huge turning point in my life. And I’ve had some crazy, weird, rare stuff happen, a lot of our listeners have. But even through it all, it was always like, well, it’s happening for a reason, so we’re just gonna do our best.
So again, I hope No, I hope, I hope you listeners. Yeah, but I didn’t have. So like I didn’t have that belief when I got divorced. Mm-hmm. , I didn’t have that belief when my fiance and I broke up. But I have that belief now, and even when things happen, [00:49:00] and this is really important for anybody who’s got children, but even when something happens with your children,
If you have that belief that everything happens for them, everything’s happening for the evolution of their soul, you can relax. That whatever is happening is supposed to happen. If they fall, they fall forward. And if they fall, then there’s resiliency that they’re gonna get from that, that they need. And so my advice to my, my parenting clients is stop trying to save your children.
Don’t overtake responsibility for them. Let them learn to take responsibility for themselves. And that’s really hard for parents to do. We don’t wanna see our children hurt, we don’t wanna see our children fail. But those, sometimes the kids that have had the hard knocks actually end up being the most independent, you know, [00:50:00] strong human beings because they had to learn to be resilient.
Yep. So I have that belief and it’s actually done a lot for me because, you know, my sons are married and they’ve all had their own issues and, and the old me would’ve still believed, you know, there’s that saying, you’re only as happy as you’re saddest child. I don’t believe that anymore because I now know that when things happen, this is their journey.
and I’m on my journey and I, I support them and I’ll do whatever I can for them, but it doesn’t take me down. Their stuff doesn’t take me down because their stuff is their stuff. Mm-hmm. , and it’s their journey and my stuff is my stuff. And if something happens, So, I mean, I guess the, the, the best thing for me is that I’ve learned, which I guess you learned at 15, is that everything is happening as it.
and if I fall, it’s [00:51:00] a stepping stone to success. Stay in it. Don’t quit. And if you don’t quit, eventually, you’re either gonna get where you wanna go or you’re gonna get someplace different that you couldn’t even see until you got this far. Yeah, I agree. I agree wholeheartedly. It’s one of those things that God’s a loving God.
He’s not a vindictive God. And from the beginning of time, Satan tries to beginning of time in the sense of where the fall of man occurred, He’s always trying to trick us. He’s always trying to take the good and the pure that God does and twist it and corrupt it. And this gentleman that I was friends with, he made the best statement to me one day.
He looked at me, said you. Rat poison’s, 95% good food. He’s like, But it’s that 5% of arsenic that’s gonna kill ya. So I was like, that’s some good truth right there. He was a good old southern boy, and I’m like, it’s very true. You know? And I think there [00:52:00] is, and maybe you can help me with this and our listeners, we know the journey for our children is their.
But we don’t want to see them go through the pain and the hardships and be set up for failure. Be lured into failure. Mm-hmm. . So how do you recommend to our audience, myself to process that? We love our kids. We want the best for ’em, and we understand it’s their choices, but we only want what’s best for ’em.
So how do we, I don’t know what we’re gonna use the wrong term, but how do we let go of that? Or how do we accept that? Help us with that. I think we have the false belief that if they fall or they get hurt, that we’re not doing the best for them. But what if we could believe that letting them fall and letting them fail and letting them learn and become resilient is how we do the best for them.
It’s very different. Mm-hmm. , it’s very d. So if [00:53:00] you’re a helicopter parent and you’re on top of every single thing they do, and you never want them to have any adverse situations, they’re gonna grow up and they’re not gonna be really independent, confident human beings. So let them fall. Let them fall often.
I mean, I have four grandchildren and I’m always in the conversation with them. What did you do today that was bigger, better, braver? I don’t talk about what did you do that was successful? I talk about what did you do today that you were afraid to do, but did it anyway? And then I tell my clients to have conversations at the dinner table.
Oh my God, I tried this today and I. I can’t believe I failed. It feels kind of bad, but guess what? I’m going to use that and look at that and see how I can do it differently. How can I improve on it? Those are the lessons to [00:54:00] teach your kids. Don’t save them from having things happen. Yeah. The work is you.
Yeah. The work’s on us as parents to allow them to. Have their own journeys and to fall, fall often, and pick themselves up and talk to them about being brave and trying things. You know, the worst thing you wanna do is have a child with a fixed mindset. And a fixed mindset means they’re only gonna do the things they already know they do well.
And anything that doesn’t fit into that, they’re not gonna. So the whole brave, how do you be brave? How do you try something new? Who cares if you’re not good at it? Have conversations. Hey, I tried pickle ball today and I was horrendous. I can’t believe it. I’m such an athlete, but I couldn’t even hit the ball.
Talk about the things that you don’t do well and how you’re gonna stick with it. Those are the lessons you wanna teach. Yeah, I [00:55:00] think that’s well said. Now, if someone wants to get ahold of you and continue the conversation, Nancy, what’s the best way they can reach you? The best way to reach me is from my website.
So my website is nancy picard life coach.com, and you’ll have that in your show notes a hundred percent. I have. Yeah, I have. And so my email is Nancy at Nancy picard life coach.com. I do a free discovery call for anybody who wants. Just to even see if coaching is something you want or if coaching is not something you want.
Do you wanna go into one of my group coaching or take one of. My courses that are online. I also give you a 20% coupon for my life course, which is career Strategies for Achieving your Greatest Potential. I do bigger, better braver group coaching, and everything’s on my website, Links to my book. And my book is on [00:56:00] Amazon.
It’s on that, my book is on all, you know, Barnes and Nobles, everything. And I have a bigger, better braver course that’s very inexpensive. That comes, you buy the book and then you get the course and the courses, 12 audible lessons and a workbook to, to further do the exercises that are in my book. The first thing to do is to buy the book.
It’s $18 or 1899, and start doing the exercises. Read the whole book. I tell a lot of people, if you’re not gonna coach, get a friend. Both of you read the book. Both of you decide you are gonna be each other’s accountability partners and go through the steps so that, that you can have the changes that you want and you can uncover the beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
Excellent. Excellent. So I’ll put all that in the show notes. And if you’re listening to Nancy [00:57:00] now and you want to continue the conversation, if you want to get started, you know, go to Amazon, check out the book click buy 1899. You’ll buy that at a restaurant of fast food these days. So go ahead. Cup of coffee.
It’s Starbucks. Yeah, yeah. Build yourself and study your belly. Right. So anything else, Nancy? It’s been a great show. A lot of excellent information. Any other thoughts that you wanna share before we close the episode or anything else significant we missed in your journey to this point? The only other thing I’d like to talk about a little bit is setting healthy boundaries.
And to set healthy boundaries, you actually have to uncover the beliefs that keep you from setting them. So setting healthy boundaries helps you to say yes to you and not yes to everybody else. And that no is a complete sentence. And so, You [00:58:00] start with yourself. Self care, self love, self trust, setting boundaries with yourself.
What will you tolerate and not tolerate? What will you do and not do with yourself? And then you move that into other people. And until you uncover the beliefs that keep you, like, if you think your needs don’t matter or your opinions don’t matter, or you pe love and life means taking care of everybody else, you don’t set healthy bound.
And if you don’t set healthy boundaries, then you’re never gonna get to where you wanna go. You’ll never be as happy as you wanna be. Your needs will never be met because you don’t know what they are and nobody else will know what they are. And you haven’t learned how to ask for what you need with grace and ease, and that’s an important part of our evolution.
Excellent, excellent, and well said. Where’s Nancy today and where are you heading? What’s next on [00:59:00] your goal list? Hmm. I’m gonna start retreats. I’m actually gonna do a retreat next year. I go as a presenter. I go to Rancho La Porta for a couple weeks each year. And I, I teach these courses and I’m gonna offer a retreat in the next, in 2023 that I’m getting together with a woman who is a, you know a personal trainer and a dance instructor and a, you know, beach.
Instructor and we’re gonna do an inner and outer fitness retreat somewhere. I don’t know where, but that’s on my agenda. That’s my next jump. That’s my next bigger, better braver. Awesome. Well, I look forward to hearing about it. Send us the links when they’re ready. We’ll push it out to our community. We’ll shoot emails out and put on social media for you.
But Nancy, you truly are a remarkable woman. Thank you so much for your time. [01:00:00] Ladies and gentlemen, like our slogan says, Don’t just listen to this great content Nancy brought you, but do the work. Repeat it each day so you can have a great life in this world, and an attorney to come. So, I’m David Paone.
This was Nancy Picard. Thank you for joining us for the podcast. Please like it, rate it, review it, share it with your friends, not cuz we’re trying to make money or be popular. Because we’re trying to help more people. So Nancy, thank you again for being here today and being part of our community and helping the world grow.
Thank you for having me. It was a pleasure. Oh, anytime. And ladies and gentlemen, we love you. Reach out to Nancy, reach out to myself. We’ll do whatever we can to help you, and we just wish you the best till the next episode. Chow.