Did you hear the story about the girl who grew up in an abusive environment, carried so much anger in life that her heart almost exploded at age 21, but she learned to forgive and is now showing people how? Well if you missed that one, catch it here on The Remarkable People Podcast Episode 2: The Tabitha Christopher story!
Tabitha Christopher is a published author, motivational speaker, storyteller and health coach with 17 years experience in building lifestyle training programs for Generals in the Army, Marine soldiers, CEO’s of major corporations, and Hollywood elites. Listen to Tabitha tell her story and how it can help you grow!
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BOOKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED:
- HIS 30-Day Healing Journal
- HER 30-Day Healing Journal
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THE NOT-SO-FINE-PRINT DISCLAIMER:
While we are very appreciative of our guests, please understand that we do not agree with all of their views and positions. Thankfully we live in a country that protects our freedoms and allows us to practice the constitutional right of free speech, and the universal gift of God’s free will. That’s it, the whole disclaimer. Now go and enjoy another episode! 🙂
Read the Full Episode Transcript
SEASON 1 EPISODE #2 Tabitha Christopher | Anger, Illness, Forgiveness & Healing after Abuse
[00:00:00] David Pasqualone: [00:00:00] Hello friends. This is Dave Pasqualone with my cohost,for this episode,
Lynsyey Kmetz: [00:00:04] Lynsey Kmetz,
David Pasqualone: [00:00:05] and we are here for the remarkable people podcast. Episode two. Which is really one and our first. Guest, Tabitha. Christopher,
Intro/Outro Music: [00:00:14] the remarkable people podcast. Check it out. the remarkable people podcast. Listen, do repeat for life.
Tabitha Christopher: [00:00:36] Hello. Hello, Dave. Hello Lindsay. Thank you so much for having me here. I’m so excited about our conversation today.
David Pasqualone: [00:00:42] We’re definitely excited to have here and there so everybody knows how we met. A little backstory. Lindsay and I were meeting to go over some projects and as we’re going with these projects were just passion projects, as Lindsey called it, that we’d love to do.
But before I walked into that meeting, I saw this woman just passionate and talking into a web pad and using her hands. And I, first thing I said to Lindsey when I sat down. 10 bucks. She’s a coach and Lindsey like, exactly. So Lindsay noticed on her way in and she thought the same thing. And what did you say after that?
You want to meet her? She was like, I want to meet her so bad, but she’s like, I don’t want to interrupt her. She looks too much injury. It’s over. We see who we didn’t know. Then tab have a standing up to leave. And I’m like, Hey, now’s your chance. And Lindsay was like, no. And we were in the middle of our business meetings, and we’re talking.
So long story short, we finish up what we’re doing. We think we lose her. And I walk out to my car an hour later as I’m at the car, I’m opening the door and I see Tabitha sitting there and her car continuing to
ourselves. And I hear a amazing, well-spoken woman with a remarkable story. So in my mind and heart for years, I thought about doing podcasts for the last six months. It’s just been like, we need to do this. And then Lindsay shares with me some of her heart, so we ask Tabitha, Hey, you want to come on board and this is it.
We’re here episode one to two and a half 0.5, we’re glad to have you. One thing I want to do, we want to thank a sponsor Midos’s Coffee Company in Pensacola, Florida. Yeah, that’s right. The coffee. they are a wonderful coffee shop at the corner of crane and ninth AV. We know this is more of a national podcast, but for those of you in Pensacola or visiting us.
Great place to catch a cup of coffee. That’s amazing. And also how I became introduced with this place is they have a cigar humidor. That’s top notch. Now I only smoke the occasional celebratory cigar, but when I do, this is where I get it. Good stuff. So saying all that, let’s get started. pretty much let’s start off and go through the order of.
Your story, where you’re at today, where you’re going and how we can help you, and how are we gonna help the listeners connect with you? So tell, can you tell us your story?
Tabitha Christopher: [00:03:16] You know what, I always, anytime, I’m asked to speak or share anywhere. I start with this one story and, I asked Dave and Lindsay was okay for me to start with this story.
And I warned them I was going to get a little bit dramatic. Okay. So if your volume is all the way turned up, I’m going to suggest you turn it down. Okay. All right. So it was the fall of 1989 a violent storm hit our tiny Island to destroy everything inside everything we like. Everyone else was not prepared.
I was four years old and just started going to school with my oldest sister Tamarah, who was six. And my little brother Thomas just made to the weather forecast. Assure the storm would lose power before getting down to the lesser Antilles. It landed. As a category five or we came with wins more than 160 miles per hour, and just for our audience, where are you talking about?
Where are you? Virgin islands. St Thomas. Yes. I read her website. That’s okay. Interrupt the story. Anytime. Dave,
I could hear my mother call into my dad to come back inside to try to secure the windows and doors from within. My dad not listening makes his way on top of the roof of our tiny house, secure with the winds and field off as he worked in the Bain on one side of the house, the roof over us children’s bedroom peels off.
And the water come rushing down into our bedroom. We scream for mommy, let me what does into our bedroom. I [00:05:00] shared this. Everything was going to be all right as you frantically looked through our closet for clothes, shoes, but it was too late. The winds were too strong. The roof was coming off the front door or pinch.
It was daddy
that he runs into the bedroom. Don’t we don’t have time for that. Debbie, come to dad. He picks us up into his arms and looks for the best place for us to run for cover. He finds it the kitchen table. He places us down next to mommy, runs in holes, a heavy table, holds it up against the store and wall. No sooner as we get under the roof over, the kitchen
comes off and the torrential downpour falls to the kitchen floor. I felt safe because I was with my family, but there was a look of terror there, crossed everyone else’s face. As the story ends. We survive, but we lost everything like most everyone else did on the Island that we’re not aware of. The storm that storm, the natural disaster that took place paled in comparison to the storm that came two years later for my dad.
For the longest time, my mother was doing her best to keep. Normalcy in the home. We had no idea that daddy was struggling with hurts from his past. My dad’s strong, hardworking, smart, resilient, and an amazing provider, but yet he was holding onto a lot of stuff from the past and any little thing. What became to.
Come in contact with after the storm to set it off and when it got set off, it’s very dangerous. So I was six years old when the first time that I saw this other side of my dad, and I knew right away at six you gotta get outta here. This is, this is not safe. This is, this is very dangerous. And I remember I w I was in the bathtub when I heard the explosion from the living room.
And I thought it was a stranger cause I’d never heard my dad like that at all. So I was sitting in the bathroom, always been a fighter. I’m a little baby. I’m trying to get over the tub to see who this stranger is. It find my dad. They call it, let’s get, let’s get, let’s get him. As scary as the voice sounded, but I was, cause I knew my dad strong and he was gonna come in and protect us.
How could he. When he couldn’t even protect himself by himself. So the journey as it went forward, it became a very chaotic, abusive environment. Every day I, I’ll just say this, it wasn’t a day that I wasn’t thinking about the future. Trying to figure out what’s going to happen and how can I dispute the situation.
Before it even happened, I already had all these several scenarios in my head as a little kid and rest was not existent, couldn’t because if I fall asleep, someone could be dead the next morning. So I felt it was my responsibility as I made a promise to my grandmother, my mother’s mom, before she passed away.
She asked me to look out for my mother. She asked me to look out for my dad. She asked me to look out for my sister. My brother told her I would. I was one and a half years old when I made that promise to my grandmother, and then she passed away when I was three. Storm came hurricane Hugo. Two years later, the storm that she saw that we didn’t see as kids came.
And so my purpose of what I’d been living my life. Was already starting the preparation. The moment I was conceived as we know this, but when I was met with the pressure, the test, I was like, my goodness, I need to find out what my purpose is now because I might die before I make 13 so I started asking my mother, even before I saw that happen, I was about four years old.
I started asking her, why am I, why am I here? What’s, what am I supposed to do? She was [00:10:00] like, you’re a baby. You just started going to school. I’m like, well, there must be a reason why I’m here. Right? So she was like, yes, there is. Okay, you should tell me you my mom. She’s like, well, I, I don’t have the answer to that, but God put it inside of you.
I was like, well, how am I supposed to find? I’m like, how I, how do I look inside? You know, as a kid you’re thinking very literal. How do I look inside? And she was like, well. It’s going to show itself to you. So I’m like, Whoa, how do I get ready so I don’t miss it? She’s like, just calm down. It will come. How did my grand mother seen what it was before I even saw it?
This journey that I’ve been on, which be candid and transparent with you guys. Yes, it was pretty bad. Lost 50% of my eyesight develop a stutter, lost control of my bladder as severe panic attacks that would freeze my body for minutes on end and later on weaken the heart. So like I said, it was constant on itch.
I didn’t think that there was any other way to live in that environment. You had to be ready for whatever was going to happen, fight or flight, okay. which is not the way that God intended for family to be. And I gotta tell you, I’m so grateful and thankful for the opportunity that the way God set it up, because on my mom’s side, they were the happy, loving, care, free, hardworking.
But they understood the family. They were free. On my dad’s side, a completely different world, and I got to see both sides and I was like, well, this side feel good. She’ll calm, there’s peace, there’s love. The other side, I was like, I don’t want anything to do with that, but little did I know. That that very thing that I wanted to run from was a very thing that I needed to face in order for me to be able to do what I’m doing now to help family leaders know family better.
We’re told by culture, we’re told society, whatever you’re dealing with in your families, your business to yourself. We talked a little bit though. Yes, we did parking lot, right? Keep it to yourself. Figure it out in your own. It’s very dangerous to do, especially when you’re putting. Putting a task that that leader may not know how to search scripture to see, this is how you live life.
You know, people say there is no manual to parenting. I’m like, are you freaking kidding me? Oh my gosh. My mother, my mother was studying the word of God since she was a child, is the number one selling book in the world of all time. It’s the life giving book that tells you how to live this life, but what do we do?
We try to make things hard. You said to take my yoke, take my burden is easy. He’s liked, well, what do we do? We try to actually do a, Satan did try to elevate herself above God and when things don’t work out, blame God. I recently saw on social media something that said, you know, we can’t raise our children the way our parents raised us.
It’s a world that no longer exists. And I’m like, fundamentally. Come on, come on, come on. Fundamentally, be good to one another. Be good to, you know, I mean like,
wow, that’s amazing to me cause it’s, it’s a viral, I mean, I work in social media, it’s a viral post. And every time I see that share, I’m like, fundamentally though. You know, yes. The Bible does not explain how to use social media except that if it falls under, be good to one another, love one another, then yeah, it’s still in there.
It doesn’t say on Facebook, nothing in scripture. None of the scripture ends with on Facebook, on Instagram, on Twitter. It shouldn’t have to, and that viral thing is a virus. It’s a false lie. Dude. Say it again, Dave. I don’t know what I said. We’re recording.
It’s a lie from the devil right there. So with that, I was eight years old and it’s so funny cause I S I found school to be a sanctuary even though it was bullied every day. I was like, this is nothing compared to what I have to go and do when I read from the lead from here. So I look forward to getting out there [00:15:00] and, I was a tattletale, but I had good reasons.
And I explained that to the bullies before they rolled me down the Hill. was was one point. his name was Jeremiah. I’m not gonna say his last name. Maybe listen to this, but I forgive you buddy. I forget. So, We’re rolling down the Hill. I had taken my glasses and I gave it to him. I said, well, just hold these, cause my mom, she, she’s getting really upset that my glasses are getting, you know, getting broken every time this happens.
And my mother was so worried and concerned, but I told her, I said, but didn’t you teach us that Jesus says to turn the other cheek and we’re supposed to love our enemies? Mother couldn’t see anything because that’s what the word said. And I was living it out. I was excited to live it out. Oh my man. What Jesus went through, nothing compared to what is this?
So what are they roaming down the Hills? What? They bus up my glasses and bust my nose and my lip and is a little bit of blood. So what? They don’t know who they are. And so, so yeah. So anyways, back to the story. So. I gave him my glasses. I told her mom was getting upset with them getting broken. So just all these, and he said, he’s so wrong with you, you, you, you don’t love.
You don’t learn that. what does it, snitches get stitches. Snitches get stitches. And I was like, well, I don’t know what that means. What’s been happening to you? So you like this? I said, here’s a way you keep on telling and telling on us. And I said to him, sir, because.
I see that this is not you. I see that you’re doing this because of something that was done to you and I said, I’m a Christian and it’s just what’s the right thing to do if I don’t tell on you now you’re going to keep doing these things and it’s going to get worse. And then the consequences later is going to be bigger than just than just getting paddled.
So, and one of us didn’t make it out of here. One of us can make it out of here. So I was aware it’s culturally spanking wasn’t spanking, it was a whole other level. Okay. So I knew that he was getting some of the same dose. Of, you know, what was happening with us at his place. So I remember he looked at me, he was just shocked at what I said.
Like, cause he saw, I actually cared, I really care. And he was holding me and he was thinking twice about doing it now. And there’s one, Lija was his name, which. He and I had an altercation the next year, and he never will forget that in his life. So
yeah. But, so I just said, no, no, no rule. Roll a four. I rule a four. I don’t have so then, yeah, he went ahead and wrote me down. And, for me it was honorable because I knew that I wasn’t doing it for myself, you know, cause you’re making yourself a target. Everyone’s like, ah. She’s easy. I want to let out my frustrations, use her as a, as a pillow.
And I was like, cool, because I understood it’s not me. It’s you’re hurting, hurting. Jesus died for me and he loves you. So it became like a way to testify really quick. One occasion where they, they beat me a really bad and my mom was, how old were you? I was eight years old and, she was dressing the wounds and what she would normally do when, when that happened, she would just send me to bed early before my dad came because he wasn’t with that concept of turn the other cheek.
Well, this night, worst he comes home early. And we didn’t hear him come in like always hear the truck. I always hear the truck on the gravel. He didn’t, he came out a sound that walks in and it was too late. My mom was, and then she looked up, he was coming around the corner looking right at her. My back was to him, and so he’s taken in the whole situation, the gauze and this and that.
He comes around and he sees my face and sees my hands and. And I just, my chest started to tighten up, but going to panic attack and I was like, breathe, breathe. Don’t, don’t go into a panic attack because then you look weak. You can’t look weak. You can’t cry. You can’t show any emotions other than anger.
because love that stuff was weak and he didn’t raise weak children. So. I was trying my best disagree. Don’t go over [00:20:00] there. And then he, so what happened? I looked at my mom and she was like, just go, just, let’s just go ahead and go to go to bed. And he’d say, no, no, no, no tub still is. I told him I thought that maybe this would make him proud of me.
He said, you know what happened. Think he’s a, he’s a hold his happen. I said, well, I told the situation and told him that. I told him, well, are you open? Are you more turn on people? Well, I just want to help. You can’t help everybody. Okay? Can’t everybody this, this, this is what you call head is what you call, how you will help your photo if you get a question.
I said, but Jesus said, Jesus a wa. So Jesus was a turn. You’re the cheek. Were you crying? So try and keep my tears back. Another Jesus says, it’s really other cheap Tony the cheek. Jesus say yes. When you told me what a cheek and a mushroom that said your fees and then match up this thing you face who got paid a hospital bill.
She has got a bit of hospital bill too. And I didn’t know what to say and I just looked at him and he was like, listen to me. If you ever come back,
I want, and my heart sunk because I was more afraid of my dad that I was any of these guys. We haven’t tissue guys. I knew this was going to happen. I’m actually wiring just so we have an image of your dad described him. Yeah. Emotions and the aggressive physicality. But what was his stature? Physical stature.
Was he tall? Dad was tall. Fit woman. Imagine. Imagine a hundred times. Oh, this. Okay. So, so he wasn’t a wee little man? Not at all. Okay. My dad, I witnessed my dad make few men what their pants in front of us. And, without saying anything, just his presence. Wow. So, so I, I’m, I’m sitting there, I’ll just, he said, you know, who’s in a bit of hospital bill?
And he said, you know, if it happens again, he was in her, isn’t take care of me. So I became, like I said, a heart drop. And I was like, Oh man, what am I to do now? And so he said, Tom. Let me see a fist. I didn’t know what a fist was, and I was like, I, so I’m looking at my mom for some help. And so she’s there and she’s just looking so concerned because it’s not who I am.
None of this is who I am. And so I’m, I’m sure afraid to move to free to say, I don’t know what it is, but at the same time, I’m like, what it is. So I’m looking at him starting to shake and he’s like, Oh, we don’t know.
And he looked at my mother and then he looked back at me and I just, he was like, we raising here to my mother. We chose.
Yeah. So I gave my hand walk my hands to him and so he said he just put one hand down and took my right hand. He balled it up into a fist and he was like, this is a fist. Okay. Will you do with this tab? Well, anybody come and mess with you and you don’t tell the teacher. You don’t tell your parents to a time.
You take a fish and you go to town. And so now that I started crying, because now I’m doomed. And I was like, but I don’t know how to get to tell daddy and my desk back in the chair. Oh my gosh. Tom is a figure of speech. Okay. But I really don’t know how to get to doubt or, Oh my goodness, you get the fist and then you go to tone on them.
And I, he’s looking at me. He can see, I’m still so confused. He was like, don’t get the weights. So my mom was like, what? Weights my weights? She was like, Daryl, no, no, no. This is, this is your daughter. This is a girl. I don’t get. Oh, will have no, Richard get the weeds. So she goes in, [00:25:00] she comes and brings his weights, and she brings her weights with her.
She said, just start it with this one. And so he told me, he’s like, pick those up was his weights. So I get down and I okay.
And I just felt so embarrassed. So shameful because my dad didn’t let me. I wasn’t who he wanted me to be. So at that point I started shifting my focus from who my father in heaven loved me as I am to becoming someone that I wasn’t in order to just keep the peace at home. And so I couldn’t pick it up.
And then a mom convinced them to let me start on her weight. So he said, pick those up. So I got to my mom’s ways that I couldn’t even pick her zone up. He this what you going to do every day to have push ups and we get a heavy bag and you’re gonna walk in that bag every day. You better not let me come home and you ain’t do.
I put you. Do you understand? You’re steady his daddy. He said, let me see a pusher.
So he gets down and he tells me to get down with him and he shows me. And of course I can’t do a pushup. And, let’s see now. So then of course, now in my mind I got a really, I got to amp this thing up cause clearly doesn’t like me the way I am. I’m not good enough. Probably God doesn’t like me the way I am either.
Probably I’m not good enough. So these thoughts start getting into my head. So now I get back to school and I am even more quiet. I already was quiet already cause I had a stammer I didn’t want, he made fun of, but I learned from my school counselor. Chief discovered my gift of storytelling, and she encouraged me to use storytelling to communicate with my teachers and peers.
So I was telling the stories all the time, but then after that, I just was like, eh, not opening my mouth because like I could tell on someone and then something will happen. Then I’ll have to fight. I don’t want to hurt anyone, so I just got really quiet and the next year it got stronger. And it was very clear I could handle business.
I saw when you made that fist, you a perfect flat fist. Most people don’t realize how important that is as most people Crump their fist up like that. Again, hit with a brick and she has it. Yeah. Your dad did a good job. I was watching you three times. You should be in the UFC. You’re good to go. So with this, I say, I came across some situations, at school, and in on the streets that because of what my dad trained me in doing.
It saved my life, and it also prevented me from getting raped at nine years old. So, in retrospect, I’m like never wanted to hurt anyone, but I realize in those key situations, I had to do something, because of otherwise, what would have led to. and I was grateful that I had those skills to do so.
that verse in Romans, all things work together for good to those who love God. So even though it wasn’t the right maybe way to do it, but protected you, it did. So God didn’t cause everybody allowed it. Right. So it’s like, and even it’s, and, you know, I look at it as in, Hmm. All the lessons along the way.
When we look back at our situations, our story, our testimony as it becomes when you allow for the test, the trials and tribulations to shift, to grow you into the transformation through forgiveness. and no more running from it right. looking back, I said, my goodness, this journey has been one heck of a journey.
and and I was going to tell you guys at eight years old, this was when my purpose was revealed to me of why I was put here. And it freaked me out. I left the playground early cause this was after my dad and I had that. Talk and I just didn’t want to be, I didn’t want to be around anybody. I didn’t want any, I just, I was like, I’m not going to hurt anyone.
This is not who I am. So I just leave the playground early and get to get back to class and just wait outside until the bell rang and we, we got, you know, got to get back inside the classroom. So on my way up the Hill and it got to the very top, an audible voice [00:30:00] outside of me said, you are to tell your story.
I looked around, I’m thinking part of one of the kids who’s following me up there today. You know, he just taught me, and so I’m looking around. I’m like, no one’s here. Okay. So I get up to the classroom door and I just sit down right outside and it says it again. So now I’m phasing out and I can see that no one’s here.
I was like, okay, just ignore. And then it sends a third time. And then I, I remembered with the member with, what was Samuel when God spoke and he thought it was, you know, okay. Yes. So I recall that story and I was like, Ooh, say father. Oh, okay. So. I’m not going to do that cause
I know like I’m not going to do that. I can’t do that cause daddy said whatever happens at home stays at home. So I can’t, you said I can’t dishonor my mother and father. and don’t want to do that. So I’m not going to, I say what I will do is I’ll tell other people’s stories. Okay. And then that way I’ll still be kind of doing, and I never heard the voice again until I started telling other people’s stories as a career, as an actress.
And then the voices from the directors or my cast members, they would come up to me. You don’t tell us anything about who you are. . Wait, tell us a little bit what your story.
You don’t know anything about you. I’m alive and that’s all I was say. I walk away and they kept coming and I was like, what the heck is going on? And the small still gentle voice of God. Would you trust me? How am I supposed to share this? What good is it going to do? The mom is still living in it. It’s not safe.
I mean, I don’t mean to disrespect you, but have some can’t do that. So will you trust me? But see, I don’t know. I don’t know. Because when I asked her to show up, so I thought. But he did because my sister should’ve been dead. She didn’t die. She told me what she was going to do because daddy told him to do it, which is to kill the cells.
She was 11 years old. I was nine and
she told me. What she was going to do. Cause I overheard the conversation cause I was always in the shadows listening, watching out as I promised I would do. So I heard what he said. Then you rather a dead child than a disobedient one. So she went into do the job to make him happy and she had swallowed a whole bottle of Tylenol for adults and she showed it to me.
It was empty. She said, I just wanted to say goodbye. I was like, Oh my gosh. I ran out, got my mom, told her what she was doing, and my mom rushed out and she turned back to my dad. She said, did you not just hear what I’ve said? And my dad looked at her and said, I’d rather a dead child than a disobedient one.
And he turned his back and I stood there in the doorway, and at that moment. The hate that I never wanted to have anybody happened. And I said to myself, when I turned 11 years old, everything that you taught me, I’m saying this in my head to him and making a vow I will use on you, not take you out with my own.
And I made that promise to myself. And when I turned 11 years old, the opportunity came
that day, my mother realized her daughter had shifted to another way of thinking because I felt like we don’t have a choice here. And the, he goes, we go, I made a promise, unfortunately, yes ago. So tell my mom, that day [00:35:00] situation happened meeting session and I walked out and I said, mommy, Mark my words, I’m going to kill him with my bare hands.
And she knew that when I say anything, I didn’t talk much or whatever I said I did or they was good or whether it was back. And either way I did it. Well. So she followed me into the room cause she was thinking about it for awhile, how we were going to escape. And she was like, ah, how would you like to go to private school, a Christian private school and the States.
I was being homeschooled by a Becca Christian physical Christian Academy for a year. Yeah. Right. So that’s what brought you, brought us here. We said it was a storm. Because it was a storm second storm that came, destroyed everything again. We lost everything again and start all over again. That was gay before I was 10.
And so true was the storm. well, we all agree that’s what I was going to be. She and I, she said, if you say yes and no, you can get everybody else to go along with this. I was like, yeah, I want to go. I need to get out of here, please. And she’s like, okay. And my mother put her foot down and made it happen.
1998 I was 13 years old, and that was a number that I thought I wasn’t going to see, and it was 13 that we transitioned into a new place and a new chance to try life at a better freeing. Level. So when I got here, I got to work, came a paper. The speaker 13 years old, started working in the community, serving was up.
I was a part of so many things. and it was through leaders working in different leadership roles. Not intentionally. It just happened that organizations such as churches, businesses like, Hey, let’s get her to speak, started paying me to speak. And I was going all around and just talking about. How you can improve oneself according to what God says so you can better improve what’s happening at home that improve what’s happening at work.
Vegan food was happening at school and in the community without ever saying one iota about what we came out of and as I stood there before, the people I could easily pick out. Who was going home to the same deal. You can kind of identify, Oh, right away. Yeah. Yeah. And it was like, when was talking,
I guess I should never talk about it too. They’re not talking about it. Why should I? Right. So what does it have any with that is you hold onto it. You hear all these different messages, even in the church. You can forgive, but just, I mean, you say forgive and forget, but he not gonna forget it. God says that he forgets all of what we’ve done.
So how can I be like him if I can’t forget what has happened? And of course, even though we had three years of bliss, my dad, he joins us here. And when we got that phone call,
Hey, how are we going to keep this. Facade up and Nope. If you don’t mind me asking, what was your dad’s attitude to leaving? Cause I mean, I can’t expect that. I mean, for husband, father, to let their kids go, especially in the condition he was in. I’m picture has polarized one way or the other. Either. No way now my dead body or get out.
I don’t want to see you. That’s my gut. But what is the truth? He was absolutely against it. There was a point early on in my parents’ marriage that he agreed to relocate into the States to give them a chance to create their own family, have our own family traditions, and not be influenced by his side of the family who didn’t want him to get married and who was working so hard, his parents to destroy the marriage in every way that they could.
And so my mother saw. Before they got married at this is a potential this could happen. So they talked about it. He agreed, but then when it came down to it, after they got married, he got comfortable and he was afraid. He was afraid. He really was afraid of his dad, and also afraid of disappointing his family.
So she just generational general and pattern sins. How we [00:40:00] in the clinical, it’s called, it’s genetic time-released.
So there’s actually a term in, and so you have to consciously break.
It’s doable. Yeah. Come on. So it’s, so yeah, so he definitely didn’t want to, but my, my dad was committed to his family, regardless of how rough it was. Like we are his family, and he’d be the first to tell you, I’ll tell you, could nobody mess with us. You know, he could, but nobody else could. And no one else dared.
Threats would come, but they always are think twice. And so we knew that. We knew our dad always had our back, in any way. except for the way that he knew how he repeated what he saw his dad do. And so, but he figured if alcohol wasn’t in the mix as was in the mix with his dad, then he was better.
But the thing is, when you make vows. in judgment against another, you will, you will manifest even worse than what that person has done. And I remember as a kid wishing that there was. Alcohol or some form of drug, so we could blame that. Yes. Yeah. But there wasn’t, it was, it was just him and so on. The pain inside of the pain.
Inside of it. Yeah. Out loud because people hurt people. Yeah. It’s a full sentence. That’s a full sentence. Yeah. Okay. So. I, Oh, I always knew that my dad had this very soft, sensitive, gentle side. Because when you look at me, I’m actually like the spitting image of my dad. we’re twins. We look, we look alike.
And, so I, I was like, I was trained to leave aside that was naturally need to become something that I wasn’t out of fear. My dad was fearful of his child, children being taken advantage of as what happened to him when he was a kid. No one stood up for him, no one. So he was like, when I, I’m going to teach myself how to stand up for myself and I’m going to stand up for other people.
And so for him, that became the right way of doing it. But being in this realm. We’re taught by society. Stand up for your rights. Defend did do that, this and that. But Jesus says differently. He says that we’re supposed to forsake, we’re supposed to die, die to self edification in order for us to be free, free from shame, free from anger.
Free from malice, free from judgment free from condemnation of oneself and others. So all of these things that I knew from what. He put in his love letter, as I like to call it. The Bible was opposite to the life that I was becoming. Right? So in coming here to Pensacola, I was so excited. I said, Oh my gosh, I can’t wait.
I’m going to have friends. I want a smile. I’m going to laugh. Those things people think of really small, but those are the big deals because I wasn’t laughing. I forgot how, I didn’t know how to laugh anymore. Smiling never. Cause you didn’t want to appear to be. So you always carried a very solemn crossed face to try to scare people away in the event that they may not have good intentions towards you.
So what happened? I have any friends and I wasn’t trying to make any friends because I was like, I might hurt somebody because I’m starting to come in to someone that I don’t know who I am. And this might tip off and I know, I don’t know. So in getting here, I said, it’s time to change. And the change happened because I was willing wanted it and desired it so much, but it took time to unlearn those.
Why should I say. Those bad lessons. Okay. Those bad lessons and I think pause in that present. That’s a big thing that everyone needs to realize. Change. Well, sometimes God can change our lives instantaneously. Normally it’s a process. And what you said is change takes time. We all have to remember that and our struggles, because sometimes we get frustrated like I’m not [00:45:00] doing right.
I’m not good enough. I’m a failure and we further beat ourselves down. But like you said, it’s a process. Takes time, but you don’t quit. Keep chipping away. Yes. So that was very profound. Yeah. So with it, I’m, the browser revival was happening during that time and my mother, as soon as we got here, she got us straight in there.
And, I never seen anything like it. People hands raise and I’m singing loud. And cause where we came from, it was very conservative. And Yeah, this is very different. And people dancing Brownsville is a full experience. It is. I’ve never experienced that. What you’re talking about, I’ve heard of
it is powerful. It was, and it was exactly what for me personally, what I needed, because I never saw anyone interact with God that way. You know? And so then I remind me of the story about David and how he danced. And then, father God showed me, he’s a member of that story. I said, yeah, he was like, Jose.
So you okay with us moving? He was like the freedom to just do and be and feel and rejoice and celebrate. And I mean you, if you are seated. If it’s something you’re not letting idiots. Yeah. Something if you can sit, I mean, because I go, I have always been in the church that you had to be pretty stoic. We weren’t overly whatever, but you know, I mean, it was, yeah, no, you can’t.
Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yes. I remember the first time I’m standing there and I asked my mother if it was okay. To like to do what I saw they were doing, and she was just so happy to see the change in my face that I was smiling. Yeah. Yeah. And so she was like. Yeah. Yeah. So that I, you know, my sister was like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You get a rhythm.
And I was like, I’m going to do this. So I started doing whatever. I saw them doing it, playing in my hands, and people were like screaming, and I was like, Oh, can’t do that, but I’m going to do this. So, and it felt so strange. It felt so awkward. It felt wrong. But at the same time, I said it wrong. If wrong is this, which I see freedom that I want to be wrong so I can get to freedom.
What I didn’t realize then was that it was just the way you’re trained, what you see in front of you. I saw my whole life. You know, no clapping or crazy. Well, I very, very, you can’t do that. That’s sarcasm. Sarcasm. So, so fast. So fast forward to, to sports, getting involved in that. started young with that back in the Virgin islands.
and then Kevin coming up here, I had a love for track and field. And, was scouted by coach Paul Bryan who champion track coach for what in high school when it existed, my driver’s license, I took driver’s ed. They didn’t give it where my school was. And I spent a summer at what am high school. Yes.
And it was the. The coach called me breeze. He could never remember my name. I was the one from both freaks, so I would hear screaming all the way across that field.
This is so good. Fantastic, fantastic and hilarious. Yes. So I’m sure know your former coach. Hello. Hello. So from Pensacola Christian Academy, I was there from eight grade till, sophomore year. And then I was like, okay, I have experienced what it is to really be under the word. On a consistent basis for eight hours a day.
And it was amazing. It was great. I saw her mom, but I really want to get my foot wet in track and field. Literally that I know the coach Paul Brian was trying to get me on his team. The moment he saw me, I was 13 and I was at all a Baptist church and he saw me and my mom and my siblings, and he was like, I got to get that girl.
I had no idea. So finally we get over to what, in high school? First week there, there was like my second or third day, he walked up to me. He said. I know you, I remember you. I want you on my team. And it felt pretty special with someone to who he is and what [00:50:00] he’s known for. Justin Gatlin, by the way, was coached by this coach.
Yeah, Justin Gatlin. Yeah. So, so good resume. Come on, come on. So, he picked up on my passion for. For coaching and just naturally just running right alongside it. I thought I finished, ran my events. I’d be right there next to him screaming and yelling. It’s go, go, go, go. Mimicking everything that he was doing.
He finally was like. Okay. So he brought me a low side. It started teaching me techniques of how to unlock the inner potential within an average athlete, which he called me average to turn them into a champion. So within just one year, under his leadership, when I first came in, he said, nah, on tab, I needed you for at least three years and my program before I could guarantee you get to state.
And I was like, if you’re trying to say. He was like, I thought you had more going than what you really got. You really ain’t got it. As you wish to see, you try to tell me that I can’t make it to see and just one year of training onto you. Well, I’m good, like as you can see, but I don’t know about it. Just being realistic.
I said, tell me what I gotta do. Tell me exactly what I gotta do and I’ll do it. I’m going to state next year. Okay. So then he told me exactly what I had to do. And according to the bylaws, you can’t train athletes and off season, so gave me the whole game plan. I went out there, started training and culture show up.
He was show up and from the sidelines on the other side of the fence, dad pick it up
the following year, made it to state, was on a relay team and everything like that. And He, also got me, he was like, okay. He’s like, I have two schools that want you Alabama state choice state. What do you want? And I told him, I said, you know, I’m actually want to go a different direction, but I want to use everything that you taught me, but in a different way.
So I went on to study exercise science at Georgia state university, got accepted into a military internship, Fort McPherson base. and from there started developing training programs for the generals, lieutenants and soldiers. And, That was when the test of what I had been brought through as a kid came full force.
As I saw, I met so many leaders that were under a lot of pressure at home and was not dealing with it, not dealing with it at all, and it was showing up in their physical body. All right, so whether they had pain in their backs, joints were inflamed, chest pains, headaches. upset stomach in nursing, that emotions can affect your physical wellbeing.
Come on. Date, sarcasm. Again, some people generally don’t believe it. They pop pills. Now, I’m not saying there’s not a place for medicine in the world. That’s not what I’m saying. But what I’m seeing is a lot of people medicate Medicare, Medicaid, and they never get to the root. They just treat symptoms.
Right. And they don’t believe there’s a correlation between. I had a horrible childhood. I have a horrible marriage, whatever it is, and I feel sick every day and my back hurts, or my neck hurts and I don’t want to get out of bed, but I’m the press. I’ll just take, you know, happy pills. There we go. There’s people who are legitimately depressed if people just need to treat their real problems so they know what you just said.
If we’re going to travel down this.
On mineral Hill that is taking away from it is Mitt. Well, it is. we’re in a, we’re in a time where people are talking about mental health and we need to discuss mental health. But there are so many self diagnosises that are happening currently and you know, are you depressed? Are you having a bad time?
Are you ? Anxiety is, you know, I have so many people that I’ve seen say they have anxiety and I’m like.
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, okay. I can respect New York and is there other places?
We have 49 States left. Not to a fan. I love New Jersey.
I have some friends from New Jersey. They’re good people. I got family in New Jersey. I’ve never driven through that tiny state without getting a speeding ticket, and I don’t even speak. I’m like an old man
all, so go ahead. Yeah. I just, my, I grew up in a household.
That’s, that’s my background. And so, you know, as a, as a child, my dad, I took all of the [00:55:00] tests that you can practice, right? Dad’s doing all the tests and he was, he had a major in psychology and my minor in academics education. And so, and then my mother was educated. So I got it from both sides. But anyway.
so I know so much about the linical side of mental health that it just, it just incenses me when someone’s like, I, you know, I just, I have anxiety. I’m like, no, you don’t. You may have difficulty with your handling people’s skills at this particular moment. You may not have the skillset that you need to handle a crowd.
But that does not mean you have anxiety. Anxiety is physical as well. It is not, you know. But anyway, that’d be for, we just had friends who were weird and we loved them. Now everything has a condition, a name, and so they can make more money. But the thing is, is like there’s legitimate problems and everything needs to be treated.
And dealt with. Or like what you’re saying is you can’t just say, I’m depressed, or I have anxiety when it’s yours. You need to learn to deal with life better. Personal responsibility. There’s the word, Whoa, come on. But so personal responsibility, I feel like is lacking in society today and mind. But I think too, that it also requires.
Mmm. The ability to see oneself for who you actually are, and there’s no training in that. There’s no, you know, I mean, I think the, in the education system, like we don’t pay for each. We don’t teach ourselves how to be ourselves. If you think about the core life skills, I’ve talked to my kids about this. If you talk about, if you were to write down what you and what I, what you and whatever he uses most or needs most in life, almost none of that’s taught in school.
Right, right. No, it’s our responsibility as parents to raise our children our home. No, no, no. It’s a breakdown everywhere. You know, parents not being taught themselves so they don’t know what to teach their children. Right. Yeah. So we didn’t want to distract, but that’s okay. This is good. This is all finished.
Finish your thought. I didn’t want to cut you off.
We need to back off. We need to talk about mental health in the way that actually is not the way people perceive it. Not the way that makes it accepted to just say, I have this. Yes. Because it detracts away from the people who truly do. And when you see someone saying it. When they don’t have it, but you do.
There’s, it’s not shameful. I don’t know what the word is that I’m looking for, but it’s almost . It takes away from who actually does and it minimizes what that what is real for the person who thinks a perfect example of that. That’s a serious condition and people joke about all the time. That one has.
Different levels, so to speak. so yes and no, but you don’t want to slap people in the face. How many of you will say that?
you like your shoes lined up, your knee just shut up.
Right. So you have great attention to detail. Okay. Thank you. Very good. Cause my mother is also an educator as well, and now she’s obviously been working with children with, on the extreme end of autism. Right. So. So she has, you know, she, she says she is totally enjoy her role as a mother and being able to bring all those aspects in it with the teaching, teaching of the Bible and then teaching was happening in school and bringing it all together, how it all works because without the foundation of life, whatever it is, recreating from our own limited view of understanding as mankind, it would.
It won’t be able to stat. We keep finding new things. We keep finding more things and more things, but it’s God’s like, it’s already here. Just search is a seek and you’ll find knock. The door will be open to you. The information of which you are seeking, the things of which you are lacking in. If you’re lacking in wisdom.
He says to what? Ask, he says, my wisdom is available to all. Freely, and he won’t withhold his wisdom from us. He said with wisdom, he created the universe. All of this was created with his wisdom so and so. So as we move forward into the [01:00:00] journey, I think the best part about this whole story is for everyone to know that, yeah, there was a period in time where as I was helping everyone work through to get to the other side of the issues they were facing.
while never talking about my own, my clients, they’re all, all my clients are so awesome. They would always inquire. We always share with you what’s happening with us, and then you help us, but you never share with us what’s happening with you. But as I grew up, I always saw put out, put out, put out, put out, deflect, deflect, deflect, flight.
When she wants, you’re taken care of and run away. Move onto the next thing, right? Cause you want to take a chance of this thing turning on you and then memories of the past rushes, rushes in and you get all freaked out. Okay, they’re good. I’m out. And so with that as a journey moved forward. it was 21 years old, 2007.
I was at the base doing some training drills. And by the way, you were in the military, you know, it wasn’t, there was no, it wasn’t orange. As he focuses his internship that was set up, his name is, you would be enemy. This guy, you can look him up. U. L R. I. C. K. V. I. E. N. A, I. N. E. so super smart guy has like five different degrees in all different sciences, biology, kinesiology, chemistry.
I mean, just, yeah. So he made sure that he understood the body and so to be training onto him was like, like, Oh, this has been in the one I’m getting at the university. Like they don’t even know this stuff. And so, so that’s how I got in to being, to working on the base. Was under his program. That was, yeah.
So he was part of the whole, he worked for the military and all that good stuff. So he had me out there running some drills, and this was one that I had some challenges with. And according to him, I collapsed three times, but I got up each time. I didn’t even realize that I collapsed because in my mind, I, it’s been drained in.
It’s been drilled, drilled in. I’m not weak. I’m strong. And even when something is happening that I should pay attention to. Don’t pay attention to it as a weakness by through it. Push through it, get to the other side no matter what it looks like. So good. So collapsed, got back up, collapsed, got back out of class, got back up.
He calls me off. He said, Christopher, I need you to go see a doctor. And I was like, but what sir? He’s like, yeah, I need to make sure that you’re, you’re checked out to be out here. Yeah. My, I turned in my physical before I started the program, I was like, I’m good.
you just look at me and said, okay, let me come on. So then he was like, I need you to go see a doctor. And so there was also mind drills that were run often. So I thought it was a mind draw. I’m like, I’m gonna just, I’m gonna, I’m a working on a working on this one. I’m like, so I’m like, sir, I’m good. I can finish the drill.
He said, you just collapsed three times in my field, Christopher, and I was like, I’ve never fainted in my life. Okay. I did not collapse. If I collapsed, why would I be standing by here? I’m convinced this is a month, so he’s not flinching. And he was like. You’re not allowed back on this space unless you have a note from the doctor stayed in that is okay for you to do this program.
So I’ve sensed he was, you know, very, very serious about it. So I was like, wow, he’s really playing this role really well. So I left. I was so upset cause that wasn’t last year I needed to do to get to the next level in the internship. And I was like, all right, I’m going to go home, practice a drill. And when I get back next week, so I get home and park up, go inside, drop myself off, head back outside and went to practice, drill in the sidewalk.
I didn’t make it up halfway up the block and my legs gave out. And I think, God, God is so gracious man. Cause I could have collapsed, knocked my head a bit, a whole different situation, but instead of my legs gave out and I was conscious when it happened. So I remember I was, I was charging down and it wasn’t going to go into the drill and then couldn’t feel.
And I was going down and a freak. I got a false eye. I fell forward. What’s going on? So I’m freaking out on some of these wrong. So I scoot it off the sidewalk. There was a corporate building off to the left, so I got into, I got into the parking lot, got under some trees, and I just sat there and I was like.
okay, father God, I promise I’ll do whatever he said. I’ll go to the doctor. [01:05:00] So I said, just, just, just, just give me that feeling in my leg so I could go and about 10 minutes or so, got enough strength so I could walk back home, got home, and I called my sister and I told her what happened with the whole day and the things that I had been feeling in my body that I just thought was, I don’t know, I ate something weird.
Stomach pains, all with the tightness in the chest. You know, since I was a kid, I knew that, I knew if it got too tight, panic attacks, when what happened, I knew I had to stop what I was doing and just get low and wait, so I knew what to do with that. So I was like, okay, that’s consistent with the kids on a problem.
But I had a headache, never had headaches. All right. And then the soil pain really bad. I felt like I threw up. And, but I wouldn’t throw up. So I was like, man, that’s almost as all these things all day I collapsed. I said, the guy said the class three times, I don’t remember, but then just now my legs gave out and she was like, why are you talking to me?
Call the doctor. And I was like, want to go see a doctor? I’m 21 years old. I’m an athlete. I’ve always been healthy. It doesn’t make any sense. She was like, well, I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. I don’t want to tell you. I was like. They just want to tell me something crazy and then they want to put me on some drugs and then I’m going to be
Then that’s going to be it for me. I’m just not going to go. She’s like, you know what, call grandma. Grandma,
my grandmother, my dad’s mom had a massive heart attack. the year that I graduated from high school, so four walls blown out. But she had all of the signs to lead to that. She wasn’t taking care of herself. So I’m like, it doesn’t match up. But I called her anyways and I told her what happened and she was, and I was like, hello?
She was like, I know you don’t want to hear this from me. Is that what you listed? Every single sign. I was experiencing three weeks before my massive art day. So you need to go in to see the doctor right away. And I was like, so I did. I did go in and they confirmed that, that my doctor was amazing. Like he was a godsend.
He’s a guardian angel came in after all the tests, which I could barely stay awake. I had a lot of fatigue, constant fatigue. Couldn’t drive more than 20 minutes. You’ve without falling asleep at the wheel. couldn’t stand, couldn’t sit for more than 20 minutes without falling asleep hard, you know? And I just thought it was just, I convinced myself, I’m like, I need to be active at all times.
If I’m not being active, I’m not being productive. If I’m not be productive, I might as well go to sleep. That’s what this is. And it wasn’t that your heart was swollen and it was, yeah. So he said, Tabitha, your heart is larger than what it should be. And if you would have pushed through that drill that you described, that you were doing when you collapsed, those three times you say you get it clearly as I’m looking out for you because your heart would have exploded.
You would be dead. That’s where your heart is right now. So me been in denial most of my life with a lot of stuff I’m looking at him. Didn’t blink, just I said, okay, so can you please write the note so I can take it back? Ang finish up what? I couldn’t finish up today. Sure. If you want to die tomorrow. And I was like, no, seriously, this is, this is part of my, my major.
He was like, Tabitha, you, you’re not, you don’t understand the seriousness of this situation. You are breaths away from a heart attack and not one to where you can come back from. That’s where your, the condition of your heart is. He said, but the great news is all of the other vital organs are in great condition, which is why we’re confused, because there’s no, we can’t figure out like, why is this this way?
But then yet everything else is functioning amazingly well. So I was like, exactly, that’s what I’m going to hold to. And so he said, I’m going to ask you an unorthodox question. Are you upset with anyone by chance? And like what does that have to do with anything. I didn’t say that, but I was like, I would say, I said, no.
Mom said, anyone, I love everybody. I’m good with everybody. And
so then he was like, okay, well I’ll see you in a couple of weeks. We have some more tests we gotta run. Oh, there’s so what am I supposed to do? I was, I saw you tell me I can’t train. He was like, no. You say, what you can do is, since you’re so adamant about wanting to move, you can walk. What? Yeah, you can walk on flat surfaces at very slow paces and when you start to feel your [01:10:00] chest clinch, stop, get like how you’ve been telling you get low and wait.
How long will do this for? He said until, until we figure out what’s wrong with you. Cause I, well, you gotta be kidding me. Exercise was my drug. Oh, that’s interesting you say that because everybody has a drug to medicate. Exactly. Exercise was my way. To fight the pain inside. Exercise was my way of distracting from all of what’s happening.
So at home. And putting a lot of stuff on my plate, serving in the community, working 30 hours at the job, taking 21 credit hours at school, doing seven to eight hours in the military base. I pow the plate up. And there was training in between all of that, six, seven days a week and hardcore stuff. So instead of heroin or alcohol, the Medicaid with work and with exercise.
Right, exactly. So from there, I felt. I felt desperate. And so I said, what am I supposed to do now? And he’s told me what I was supposed to do. He said, well, he’s a, he asked me some other questions of other things, other hobbies that I have. I was saying this, this is not going to work. I got to feel pain. I have to feel pain out here, otherwise I’m going to go crazy in here.
so I left out before I left out, his office, he was like, Hey Tabitha. Whoever it is, let them go. It’s not worth your life. And I left more upset than ever. And so from there, took five years before I said yes to. I’m tired of always feeling tired. I’m tired of feeling this pain in my chest. I’m tired of this upset stomach.
I’m tired of not being able to train my, I’m tired of. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of suppressing all of what’s taking place and tired of lying. And I felt like I couldn’t be myself. I wasn’t being myself, trying to protect other people, trying to protect my family. I thought protect my family, wasn’t protecting anyone cause this stuff was still happening.
And, ironically one of my clients became a mentor to me. And she was adamant about learning about my story. I remember one training session and nearly blew up and I was like, well, you keep on asking me about above who I have, it doesn’t matter. And she was like, it matters to me. And just so we know, what were you, what was she coming to you for?
Originally she was coming to me for, for training. She wanted me to go training, physical training. And this was at the time, like I skipped a lot of stuff. But this is when I transitioned from, Atlanta cause I moved from. When I left from Pensacola, went to Atlanta, Atlanta, went out to California. So this is when I’m out in California.
And, we can’t give them everything they needed,
right? So this lady, hardcore, incredible. She was a part of the whole table, you know, typo brand and all of that help with getting him to where it is, right? So if my mom thinking this is me, he says, why is she asking me. To train her. She was part of the most popular exercise program that took over the world by storm.
She doesn’t need me, the teacher or anything. In fact, if you look up any of the old type of videos, she’s the only one, only woman in the video that was extremely ripped and red hair, and I remember seeing her when I was a kid. I was like, I want to be just like her. Little did I know that I was going to be training her face to face.
That’s awesome. Come on. So, I finally asked her, I say, why this isn’t making any sense. You don’t need my help. She was like, no, I do. I do. I need your help. This woman’s mission, God put on her heart. This woman here, Tabitha Christopher, has a purpose that she’s running from, get it out that her season to be afraid of that pain.
That pressure was to push her forward into the process to meet the promise in order to fulfill. So this lady did just that. So that was, 2013 when we started working together. Year later, she helped me to release my first audio book called the love circle secrets in paradise that’s on Amazon. From there.
She’s like, okay, let’s get the story in a show. People can come and hear, well, I did the first one and I ended abruptly at a very, ah, very suspense. So suspenseful plays a cliffhanger because [01:15:00] that was where I was. I didn’t get past that yet. Do you want me to put 10 like Blake? Like we had closure. We’ve had, it had closed it.
I hadn’t seen my dad. In years and talk to him years and didn’t want to and want to, and it was dead to me. That’s what I said to myself. It wouldn’t be like that. Everyone, people, people literally thought my dad was dead. And so Julianne is her name. my client who became a mentor, she was like, I didn’t get to see, you can’t end the story like that.
And I was like. That’s where the, that’s where it ends. She was like, okay, we need to work on this because people can’t just come to the show and then they don’t leave healed. I said, well, I can’t. I can’t help them. I’m not huge yet. I don’t get a for them. She was like, Oh, and they finally, one day, it was 2015 like she was hearing the story again and she pulls me to the side.
Afterwards. She was like, you’re going to have to go see your dad. I said, no, we didn’t talk about this as, this is not part of the whole thing. She was like, no, you’re going to have to go see him because this right here can only be healed when you face what you’re afraid of as a, you understand what you asked me for me?
And she was like, yeah. And then she told me her story and I was like, Whoa, okay. So 2016 I closed my personal training business, drove across the country, and it was end of October. Got here back to Pensacola. And I’m surprised my dad hadn’t seen him in 11 years and he collapsed. Thank goodness, as a chair behind him.
We were in the Sears one when they just ripped down. And, Started crying. Dad never showed any emotion like that. And my brother was there with me and abroad, my brother right after me, and he was just standing there in shock cause he was like, no, never shows this. And I saw for the first time the hurt that was masked by the anger and my heart softened.
And I can literally feel this often. So we started working on our relationship, and then I started to go, and then I went back to the story to put it in because I might now, this is true, I’ve come to this point. Were you still sick? Were you physically struggling still? No. Like my fatigue had improved greatly.
I don’t want to cut you off, but I do want to know the timeline. So of course you went from ill and then 2013 through 2000, top of 2016, I was still struggling with the fatigue, not being able to drive without falling asleep at the wheel, tightness in the chest, upset stomach and just that stuff and, and, and horrible cycles.
I had really bad periods where. Lots of bleeding and lots of pain, and I would lose between eight to 10 pounds every single cycle. So we went in for tests, and that’s not a good way. It’s, it’s really not good for you at all. Okay. So, so I was losing a lot of muscle every single and an athlete, so try to, so injuries came from that were all so, but once again, mindset is whatever, suck it up.
Buttercup. So that’s just the way it was at. I said, this is just the way it’s going to be. I’ll just deal with it. I would just, such painkillers, painkillers, and email pain was still there. My mother, my mother, my family, they witness it. It would take me down to the ground where I couldn’t move for days on end.
I would miss a week of school and I hated missing school, you know? But there’s all of these things, that we don’t take into consideration of when we run. From our issues. Instead of learning how to engage in a proactive, powerful way from light God’s way, not the way you think and not the way man says try this and that.
And I was like, cause when people say forgive, I went to the word of God and I saw what God said, but I’m like, I don’t see anybody else out here doing it. Is it the reason? Is it possible? Is this, is this something impossible? Cause I mean clearly you can do it, but your God. I’m a mere model. How do you do this when this stuff is still happening?
So you just keep forgiving and then make the person think that is okay to do it again. No, I’m not going to forget. So he needs to know this is not okay. Right? So we take that, I thought I had a right to prove to him this is not right. I’m gonna teach you. But that’s not the way you teach anybody. Right?
You teach them by [01:20:00] becoming, becoming what they aren’t. So they can see. What is possible to be free from their pain. So my thing was though, I owe the, but he’s dad, he’s a leader. It should be him first, right? If we wait for that person to make them, to make the move, when they’re in their hurt, blinded in their hurt, drowning in their pain, you’ll be waiting a long time and you’re gonna be drawn, drowning, run along with them as we both were on separate sides of the country, drowning in our pain.
So, so top of 2016 as I was, as I was battling with what Julianne had told me in 2015 that I had to go see my dad at top of the year. I’m like, how am I going to do this? I said, if I go see him, he’s going to find out that I’ve been talking about this. How’s he going to react? How he’s going to respond?
This is a safe, is this okay? I don’t want to be, I will reshape to my family. I don’t want him to be hurt. That was very, cause I didn’t want any more hurt. So, and let me ask you a question, and I don’t want to be too transparent if you don’t feel comfortable, but as you’re an adult dealing with this, did you also almost feel like a child again, thinking about facing your dad?
Terrified like that I find myself with certain people or some nothing. Again, you’re like so MTN until you go through it, Lindsay, right. And because, and you, but you’re still afraid cause you don’t know what your mind. brains are wired to protect us. So it comes up with all these scenarios of what if, and then takes us back to remember what happened then.
So who’s to say this is going to be worse this time? So then you’re like, yeah, you actually write this up. This is not a good idea. Let’s not do this to get to the point that you’re willing. What is that quote about? Like the pain too. The pain of blooming becomes more than the pain of staying closed up.
It’s a quote or something and I can’t think of it exactly. But yeah, I mean, I went through that with formidable relationship, and once you get to the other side of it, but you know, you, you either go into it like, you. Like I went in expecting a fight and mine wasn’t like mine was, but it was a breaking point and it’s never, we have been wonderful ever since, but when I walked in, I was, one of us was not going to walk out or we were both going to walk out and you don’t know which way it’s going to go.
So that’s, you have to get to that point that you’re willing to walk in because not walking in, not facing it becomes worse. Come on. So you walk into Sears
there’s a little too late. So at Sears, major dad, he drops in a chair. You, your brother, nobody’s ever seen this before. What goes on from there? So, he says he can’t even look at me. He’s looking down and he’s crying and I’m standing there, I’m stiff with shock. And, my brother, he’s, he’s behind the clothes and he’s looking over and he’s surprised.
He’s like, he just really happening. And I was like, okay,
is it really you like, yeah, dad. It was really me
that was like, Oh, dad, really? Here. He took a deep breath in and then he said,
but I always loved you. Then I started to, I mean, come on, I just started to just release. I was like, Ooh. I said, okay. And then I went over and I just, cause he couldn’t get up. He just couldn’t physically stand up after, I mean, c’mon. He knew that how I was, did I say a McGlynn? See you again. Nice. And that’s where I was.
And so over the law pay the taken. His reaction was allowed for me to take in and, but we took it in together and just held him and he just wept, body shaking and everything. And so from there, my brother afterwards, he was like. When are you going to tell him that you tell him the story
of freak out again cause I [01:25:00] realized,
cause I ain’t invited him to come to the reading of it. The pastor of the church where we’re having it at. She asked first and she was like, does he know what this is about?
She was like, that was it. That was it. Just like that. And and then so I got back after talking with them and they prayed and they were like, you know, you got to, and I was like, yeah, I know. They said, and I got home. And then. My brother was like, have you told him? I was like, bro, I don’t know how to do it, man.
He was a, he cannot come and you don’t tell him. And I was like, so then the moment came where I cried out to God and I said, father, I’m scared. I don’t know how to do this, but it is your will for me to tell him before the reading and let him show up. About an hour later my dad comes knocking on the door, come see me.
And I was like, okay guys, we’re telling him right now. And I told him and he was quiet. He didn’t say a word, which I knew what was coming. He wasn’t gonna do anything there cause he didn’t see me in a long time and really want to be really careful cause he knew, he knew what drove me away. So, and which is just so beautiful that he’s coming to this place of.
Carry and awareness. So, but I knew he was gonna call me the next day and he did next day. And, the yelling Fest went off for 90 minutes that he stayed in, listen that night or did he just didn’t know you listen, we walked, he didn’t say anything. It was quiet the whole time. And, but I asked why. I knew. I was like, he’s not saying anything, but I know my dad.
Yeah. So then the next day. Call came in, I knew that was gonna be it. And yeah, my mother was actually in the other room and she got so concerned cause it was a really, yeah, that she came in and she was like, now is that, she saw me crying, but I was cleaning and seeing. but I was crying not because of what, what was going on.
I was crying because I wasn’t running. I was crying because I wasn’t reacting the same way. I was like, Whoa, I’m healing. Healing. His reaction isn’t getting in the way that it would have a few months before, maybe a year before. And so I let him, I put it on speaker phone, I put it on mute so I could clean, and then, and then, and then he, he said this, he was like, you say.
So I’m like, okay, if I come over, I mean your dad. He was like, Ooh, tell me one time what I did wasn’t justifiable. I was at one time and you only want one time. Yeah. And one story. What I did, it wasn’t justifiable. I said, okay, that. Only one if you can say, all right, so I went through my memory law and pulled out one that I felt he could handle this one and went into the story and cut me off.
And he’s a, he’s a Oh was I see that as, that’s what you do. Like anytime I tried to have a conversation before I, because you know what time, because you have your, you have your own way of seeing things. I was like. I lived it. I mean, as a kid, I, I could only say what happened. Yeah. Yeah. What happened?
And so that was like, Oh, it’s a broken speaker phone. Put it on mute and we might to cleaning and singing. And, a few minutes later, my dad picks up right where he cut me off from in the story and finished telling the story as if it just happened. And then he went into violent crime, I mean from the tummy, the whole body, and I run over.
I was a dad, daddy, it’s okay. That is okay. You don’t have to see yourself. He’s like, yeah, I did all of that. I did all.
It’s okay. I forgive you. That’s why I’m here. I came back for you. I came back for me.
[01:30:00] I’m here for us. I’m not running anymore. You said, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle this in any of the shows. I said, I understand you don’t have to live it again. I’m sure you’re okay with me not toying. Find that.
I’ll see you.
So are there. The one woman show came my secrets and the power of forgiveness and it tells the story. So did that reading it, that one little church a pastor showed up for the church that I ended up going to as a teenager and he had no clue. No one had a cool of anything, and he was like, you all are really good at hiding.
So he said, I want you to bring it to the church and this is the glory to God ministries. And so I brought the show to the church and afterwards it was very impactful. We had, had a dad who I’m also a grandfather afterwards, I saw him a few weeks later and he said. You have no idea what that this is.
This is my family. Cause I was married before and just watching the story, I saw myself and I never, I never could see what anyone was talking about. I just didn’t want to cause, I mean, why would you, you got to take time to deal with all of that. It’s like when you got to live and pay bills and. Take care of what you got to take care of now, the autonomy doll doing all of that, but then what?
I had to sit down and go through this journey. I was like, Whoa, what damage has been done to my kids who had not been talking to him for years? Just like, so he said that same night after he saw the show, he met with his second family and he asked them, he says, what we saw tonight? Have I done any of that?
Are you afraid of me? And they were too afraid to say, and when you saw that he broke down and he’s telling me this, he’s like, he said, I was doing the same thing that I grew up with, the same thing I said I didn’t want to do, and I apologize to my family and I said, I want you to be able to come to me. I want you to feel like I’m a safe person to come to.
Huh. Otherwise, I’m not being a dad. I’m not being a husband. And they had a heart to heart and they talked about things that he said I would never been comfortable to talk about. And then that same night, he called his other kids from his first family and left voice messages cause they weren’t talking to him and he apologize to them for everything.
He said the very next day, his oldest call and was crying and she said, dad, you got grandkids.
Yeah. And so he was telling me he was, he was like, they were, they were in making plans that he could meet grandkids he’d never met. You never knew yet. That’s awesome. Yeah. And God used it, used you as the catalyst in that, who knows how many other people, Oh man, look right now to date over 7,000 households.
So this story, this show went to 12 different cities in 2017. And I was just doing it as a test to see if this is a message that is needed, if this story is going to be helpful to anyone. and it turned out that it was had children that were suicidal because of SIM situations. Similar situations, some, some of them worse.
it was like, man, what’s the point? Let’s just get out of this world. Let me ask you a question. You mentioned you were an actress at one point, and you keep using the term show. Is this more of a theatrical yashuah rendition of it? Yes, it is. Oh, okay. So it’s not just telling your stories, showing it. Yeah, exactly.
Oh, I take them on the journey. so I was telling you guys earlier, hurricane Hugo, it’s. It’s amplified if, but what I fought, I’ve learned for me since a kid, the best way to learn was through storytelling. If you can make your lesson, whatever it was, your presentation, and bring someone into the world, take them on the journey.
People remember more of the story than they do. The. Right, the bullet points. But if you put it into a story, no bullet points.
so, but I do have four pages. Oh, good. [01:35:00] Listen, man, this is, so that was something for me. I said, if I’m put in the position to teach, to coach whatever it is, whatever it is to speak. I want to be able to give it in a way where it goes beyond the surface. It goes into the blood where people can actually feel them blood curling when it gets to certain parts of the story and they are in there.
They are so bad at that youth students, they’re like, it feels like we’re watching a movie, but it’s just, I don’t know why. I don’t know why. It’s like you don’t know what’s coming next. I’m a, this is life. But it’s how you choose to react to each situation or determine the results. Are you going to have peace or you’re going to have pain?
Say that again though. How you choose that you choose. You have a choice. You have a choice. How you choose to react to the situation. Regardless if it’s danger or the oil, whatever it is. It could be nothing. It could be having a good time, but someone could choose to not have a good time. Someone could choose to be complaining about all the sun is just ball.
I barely not in my back while I’m eating this ice cream. What about the moment? Well, sharing the ice cream, but the sun, you can easily choose to have a reaction. That could create peace within the family or pain within the family. So, so bring us to 2019 2019 yes. Great. So right now where I’m at is what has brought me to this point was actually taking the show on the road and having family leaders asking, what’s the followup like.
Clearly we know where they help. Okay, now what do we do from here? We’ve gone home, we talk to our families. You apologize. We’re working on healing the brokenness. So what do we do next? So I was like, Oh, I forgot a crush. Oh my God. Come back to you on that. So it coming back to them on that is where these came in, right?
The 30 day healing journal, which contains. Very simple yet powerful mind shifting exercises with clear and bold action steps to teach the individual how to forgive. So I take them through the three phases that I’ve gone through, which was first rebuilding up. One self image because it was broken down for me to think that was someone else that I wasn’t.
So first is who are you reestablished in the the powerful, magnificent being that you were created to be in the image of God first there. Then you go to the second phase, which is forgiving yourself for all the things that you’ve held on to all the things that you’ve blamed yourself for. That whether you think it was your fault or not, you’ve got to forgive yourself first before you can go to phase three, forgiving the person who aren’t you.
And so that’s where they go on the 30 day journey, the healing journal, those first two steps on really exciting
it doesn’t, that’s not what our flesh wants to hear. I gotta forgive somebody who hurt me, and these are available on Amazon, don’t Amazon right now. So I have a question. Yeah. We have our tribe. and do you think that interesting. There’s, there’s a point to that. There is. I think that’s interesting because I feel like, I feel like women, yeah, come on.
Get our tribe men. It’s a lot more. Yeah, it’s totally, it’s a totally different, you know, and one of the things that, that I, that I think has to happen in all of this process, like when you were talking about your dad and you’re telling the story of your experience, and he’s like, that’s not how it happened.
What being able to understand that your ex, you can be in the same place at the same time, see the same thing here or the same thing and have two completely different experiences and the longer time from when that experience happened to the time that you are bringing it up, it is clinically been shown.
It’s almost like that movie at that game telephone. So much of it has changed and there are pieces of the story that some have minimized the part that hurt them and other parts that [01:40:00] have maximized and the maximum is the part that the part that you were good, the part that you either felt good or felt like you were bringing.
Power or wisdom or whatever into that scenario. So for you to have these conversations 20 years later. You know, it’s like telephone, telephone, you know, you say a full sentence telephone has to be a full sentence. And it’s because of this concept, because a sentence structure, you have people who pick out the different pieces of the sentence, and so by the time it gets all the way around and if the same thing is true, that’s it.
That’s the psychology of how it manifests, kind of. But how it also, you know. Is implanted in your memory. We pick and choose which pieces of the memories we want to hold onto. I saw sarcasm rising. Well, we pick and choose what we want,
right? Exactly. We pick and choose what we want to remember and use those in order to either justify. Good or bad. We can use it as good or bad. You know, I am a jerk because my dad was, or I am a good person. I am doing because my dad taught me how not to be. And again, it goes back to that choice. So, so good.
So let’s tie this back up. So now you have two books, one year for men, one geared for women to help through the journey of the healing. Right. What kind of response have you seen? Well, you said 7,000 homes. That’s a lot. Check us out. Well, this book came out after the tour. This came up last year. Right. Okay.
And so for me, it’s been such a learning experience having. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never done this before, and so I was like, I’m just going to go out there and do it and see what happens. So I didn’t have this in place. What I had was my audio book, the love circle secrets and paradise, which I felt really bad about that one because I had just started my healing journey.
So it’s rough. That audio book is rough and raw. My brother encouraged me. He said he’s a tablet. That’s part of the journey though. People can actually go back and see where it started and see that this was a process for you. It wasn’t a overnight thing where you said, okay, I’m done with this. I’m going to go fix it and deal with it, and now you’re better.
No, this is where it’s, this is how it started. And now this is where we’re at. So now, now having these journals, I’m looking forward to going back to many of the same places where I was that were impacted by the show. And, By the audio book as well. but now those who were able to pick up on this, I want to share a powerful testimony that came from my aunt on my dad’s side.
And, as I had mentioned to you, the rough side on that side, and she had been following me on social media and I didn’t even know it. And when she saw the book about, she was one of the first to get it. That’s a good feeling. It is. And then, she responded, she reached out to me and she sent me a text saying, Hey, you don’t have to respond.
Understand if you didn’t. Mmm. We just want to let you know that I got the journal and this is powerful. I’m seeing things I didn’t see before. By the way, tell your dad, I’m sorry for what I’ve done. And if you wouldn’t mind on blocking me so we can have a conversation. So that’s huge because. I mean, they were raised on pride, strong pride, strong pride, and which we know is not strong in any way.
Right. It just mad. It just, just pride. Come on. It just produces more pain. So
yeah, it’s a shield. That shield isn’t real. So from, from, from there, we also had, well this kid didn’t even go through, he didn’t even get the book. He just saw 45 minutes of the show. He was failing. It was attending Pensacola school of liberal arts here. And, He got kicked out of other schools, and this was the last resort I was going to say, which, that’s kind of one of our last chance type.
You guys are native.
[01:45:00] Listen. So, so I showed up and this kid was sitting in the front row. I had no clue. I’m like, any kid, this isn’t a front row. They’re amazing, is what I’d say. Right. Whew. Well he is. No, he is though. I was, I’m right about, he was amazing cause I, I saw that, but I didn’t know what was going on with him at the time.
So did the presentation and what I, what I do is I do it and I come back and I check in on whatever organization that is, where there’s a church where there’s a school to college, business, whatever, come back. So I came back, popped in a few weeks later to open house and this lady comes up to me and she, she’s like, Hey, where you at?
My son’s school, I’m talking two weeks ago. I was like, Oh, it depends on what happened.
So she was like, Mmm, my kid was a demon.
I was like, I have no friends, but I didn’t see anyone that fit that description that the time that I came. She’s like, yeah, you can say that because live with him. I live with him. I’m his mother. I know. look, I don’t know what she talked about, but my kid came home and was different and he asked if we could do something different for dinner.
And I was like, no, we’re not. He said, what he didn’t know was that I had, that was going to be the last day that he was going to spend in the house. He didn’t know that, but she had, applications to military schools. And the last choice that he was going to make was to choose which one of the three he was going to go to.
Hmm. That day that I came to the school and I’m standing there like, I’m like, I’m like hoping that he gets just waiting for him to tell me. I’m like, Oh my, what happened is so she was like, yeah. So he asked, you know, can we do something different for dinner tonight? I was like, no, absolutely not. We’re going to have music.
We didn’t have Zach, as my husband walks out and said, honey, just listen to him. So. He said, it’s something on YouTube I want to listen to. So she was like, okay, she’s going soon. So then she was like, she’s said, well, I need to see it first. So they walk over and she says that he pulls up a story of you, you, you, you’re telling a story.
And he made us listen to that same story. You didn’t even finish the story. I want to know what happened, but he made us listen to the story every night for dinner. For the whole week and later that week, my son failing causing me all kinds of hell. I have two younger sons. I wasn’t about to let him and influence them.
So that’s what he had to go, and this was his last chance and he wasn’t working out. And so where did that week, he goes back to school, he does whatever he does. I get a call from the principal and says, Oh, your son has started the first robotics team. And I was like, I’m sorry you have the wrong number.
My son is so-and-so. And the principal was like, your son has started the first robotics team at this school
said, I’m sorry. my son, what. So, so she’s telling me this, my mom, I’m like, what? And so she’s like, yeah. And then he started to come home and ask me, Hey mom, can I help you with anything? Can I do anything around the house? And I would tell them no, because I thought it was, you know, I’m like, cause you know, motivational speakers would come in like, I don’t know what you are.
I don’t know. You’re a motivational speaker, but you know, but you know, they would come in and talk, but then there’ll be all excited and then go back to their old ways. So I was just racing myself. I was like, no, I don’t want you doing anything for me cause I wasn’t about to get used to this. And so you know what he did?
I would go do whatever I was doing. I would come back, kitchen would be clean, my house, the chores would be done. I didn’t ask him and then he’d be helping his brothers to do homework and I’m like, okay, I’m not going to get used to this. She’s like, it’s been almost two months. He’s doing the same thing every day.
Then he walks in as she’s talking about her. And I see it and I recognize it. He was a kid sitting in the book and I was like, wait a minute. It’s like, dude, who was sitting on the front, and he was like, I was like, Oh my gosh. And then I looked at him and looked at her. I was like, just your mother. Yeah. And she’s like, she’s like stiff cause she’s hoping they heat a hair.
And so he, I said to him, I said, your Maga, share some things with me that were kind of disturbing if you read about that. And he was like, yeah, and she’s not looking at him. She’s looking at me and then he looks at her and he says, well, I’m sorry for everything I did, sir. Everything I put you through, you forgive me.
And then she looked at him sideways and it’s like, yeah. And then he reached in and he hugged her [01:50:00] and she started to cry. And when you walked away before you walked away, he looked at me, he said, I heard you. And I got it. And he walked away. And then she just started crying. And she was like, that was the first time I’ve touched my son in two years.
Oh wow. So these are the types of stories, testimonies that have been coming from just. The show. So now the next phase, my biggest dream is to impact 1 million families worldwide, to do family better. and that would be through these books here, his and her 30 day healing journal. but what’s been most impactful is sharing my story in that form, the form that I do best, which storytelling and taking them on the journey.
So that they can see if you are willing to say yes, if you’re willing to see yes to forgiveness, if you’re willing to say yes to healing, if you’re willing, there is freedom on the other side. My dad and I now, like if we butt heads, we work on it right away, but it wasn’t the case before you, I would run, he would run not face.
And then try to justify. But now it’s been, it’s been the most amazing, most beautiful thing that I could ever imagined to have. Even in the imperfectness of the pain is sometimes comes to the surface. We let it come up, we face it together, and then we work through it together. And that is what family is.
And that’s what I’m here to help do. Wow. Thank you so much, Tabitha, for being here today. Your story is truly remarkable. we’ve had the privilege to sit down with you today and go through the past. We’ve talked about the present, and you’ve touched on reaching those million people to help them in their lives for the future.
Yeah. But let’s say that our audience is listening to you right now and they want to connect with you. What is the best way for them to do that? Well, the best way to do that is to visit my website and, that website is www.tabithachristopher.com. Forward slash. R P. P. now, the forward slash is for what?
Explain to the viewers RPP for remarkable people podcast, but as our audience tab of the one to offer you a special gift so you can learn more at your own pace, at your own leisure. And I’ll let her explain. Yes. So on that page, I’m going to be giving you all the free gift where you’re going to get to experience the first seven days of the 30 day healing journal.
So you can get started on this journey towards healing. Now I get it. It’s really, really tough, this topic of forgiveness, but the way in which this book has created, it helps you to be able to get on that path with ease. So the first seven days is completely free to you. If you go to that link, you’ll be able to get access to that right now.
Another great way of getting in contact with me directly is going to email me. At contact us at dot com they make, is it going to contact me but contact me guys? Okay. At email, contact us at Tabitha, christopher.com that’s contact us. What we’ll do is a Naval personality disorders, but none at all. Okay, guys at all.
So once again, email at contact us at Tabitha, christopher.com on social media. You can follow me at book Tabitha now. Awesome. Thank you so much. So again to our audience. You can visit her website, you can check her out on social media. You can email her directly. While Tabitha, it’s been truly an honor. You are a remarkable person with a remarkable story, and it’s honored to be your friend.
Thank you so much, Dave. So I’m Dave Pascoe alone. And we thank you for listening to the episode two of the remarkable people podcast. A special thank you again to our sponsor metos coffee company and cigars. You would, or if you are lucky enough to be in Pensacola, check it out, get a great cup of coffee and celebratory cigar, and that’s it.
Until next time we love you, have a great day and go do something for God with your life and that’ll make you joy and peace filled forever. The remarkable people podcast. Check it out.
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