So how does a painfully introverted person overcome rejection, loneliness, and the feelings of worthlessness and shame while learning to build strong relationships, find acceptance, and become an internationally known public figure? Find out how Kyle did it and you can too on this episode of The Remarkable People Podcast- The Kyle Winkler Story!
Kyle Winkler is a practical Bible teacher, author of Silence Satan and Activating the Power of God’s Word, and creator of the popular Shut Up, Devil! app. As a sought-after speaker and frequent guest on Christian media, including TBN’s Praise the Lord, Sid Roth’s It’s Supernatural! and 700 Club Interactive, Kyle is known for using his own story to boast in the power of God’s Word for victory over fear, insecurity and issues of the past. Kyle holds a Master of Divinity in Biblical Studies and resides along Florida’s Gulf Coast.
“Instead of being interesting (in conversations), be interested.” – Kyle Winkler
LINKS, BOOKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED:
- Shut Up, Devil! app
- Thursday Night Online Bible Study with Kyle
- Book: How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie
EPISODE PROUDLY SPONSORED BY:
CONNECT WITH KYLE:
CONNECT WITH DAVE:
EPISODE CORE THEMES, TAGS, AND MENTIONS:
- Keywords: loneliness, insecurity, rejection, lust, shyness, shame, hope, outcast,overcoming shame, insecurity, identity, introvert, stories, podcast, rejection, feeling worthless, perfectionist, scheduling, healthy fear, Christianity, catholic, turning point, God, acceptance, confidence, being intentional, Love, fact not feeling, tithing, change is usually over the course of time
- Mentions: Dale Carnegie, TBN, 700Club, Shut Up Devil app
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While we are very appreciative of our guests, please understand that we do not agree with all of their views and positions. Thankfully we live in a country that protects our freedoms and allows us to practice the constitutional right of free speech, and the universal gift of God’s free will. That’s it, the whole disclaimer. Now go and enjoy another episode! 🙂
Read the Full Transcript
The Remarkable People Podcast Season 1 Episode #13 Kyle Winkler | Overcoming Loneliness, Rejection, & Building Relationships
[00:00:00] David Pasqualone, Host: [00:00:00] Hello friends. This
is Dave Pasqualone with The Remarkable People Podcast.
David Pasqualone, Host: [00:00:04] Season one episode 13 the Kyle Winkler story.
Intro/Outro Reel: [00:00:10] The remarkable people podcast. Check it out. The remarkable people podcast. Listen, do repeat.
David Pasqualone, Host: [00:00:32] Kyle. Thanks for being in today.
Kyle Winkler, Guest: [00:00:34] Thanks so much, Dave. This is great.
David Pasqualone, Host: [00:00:36] Yeah, man, it’s good to have you here. Good to be here with you.
Kyle Winkler, Guest: [00:00:39] Yeah.
David Pasqualone, Host: [00:00:40] Just, you know, as our audience, you have a special treat today. Kyle and I have been friends for, Oh man. How long now?
Kyle Winkler, Guest: [00:00:46] I was just trying to think of that. It’s 2009 maybe. I was thinking it has to be about a decade. Yeah. I mean, time flies and that was in when we met was in, you know, something different than I’m doing now, but. It almost seems like a different life ago in some ways. But, this is so exciting to see you grow in this and everything you’re doing as well.
David Pasqualone, Host: [00:01:05] And likewise, and just so you guys know, as a listener, Kyle today, you know, he’s a teacher. He’s an author, he’s a content creator. He has a killer app that you’re going to hear about. He’s a speaker that goes around to churches and even corporations to inspire people. And especially with a focus on teenagers, teaching them how to victory. We’re fearing security and anxiety in the past. but when I met Kyle, he’s like a tech genius mastermind.
He’s got a thousand things going on in his brain. Probably forgets more and processes faster than I can. Try to get all quiet nowadays. Yeah. So don’t, don’t run with that questions, but, but what I wanted to let you guys know is. Today, we’re going to go through the same format as normal cow. What we’re going to do is you’re going to share your story, okay?
The problems, the challenges, the obstacles you had to overcome, and then there’s no time limit. It’s as the spirit leads, as you see fit, and we’re not going to go into those dangerous for we speakers. Yeah. We’re not going to go too long. We’re not going to have to shore. We’re going to give the practical steps to have not just what you faced, but how you overcame it.
So myself and all the listeners. We can do it too. Yeah. And then we’ll transition into where you are today and where you’re headed tomorrow so we can help you grow. I love that. All right. And once you’re ready, let’s do this. Let’s do this. So tell us about the past. We’re, where was Kyle Winkler for now? Go back as far as you are.
All the way back to potty training. Basically, it was a two 30 I was born. I was born at an early age, but as I said, I do, I go back to potty training because. So much of the childhood issues, even things that we can’t always remember. Sometimes I think they, they make up a lot of the issues and the insecurities that we face in our adult lives, but I was always just very shy and very timid for whatever reason.
I can’t really pinpoint why, except for just . Personality things. And so what, what happened was when I was in preschool, I was a preschool dropout. I mean, who’s ever heard of that? You know? Actually I did. I was scared. My grandmother and mom were going shopping with that man, and I refuse to go. Well, you, you were about the only other person I met that claims that title as well.
That’s where we get along. Good company. That’s right. But I cried and I cried. So my mommy let me out of my first year of preschool and then. In kindergarten, first grade, because as I said, all the timidity and the shyness and everything just made me always kind of feel like an outsider. I always feel like I didn’t fit in and kids didn’t want to be friends with the kid that didn’t talk.
And so I was the one that was the loner and the one sitting alone at the lunch table and pick last for just about everything, all the groups, all the sports teams, everything. So what ended up happening as I got older is it went from feeling like. I’m dealing with feelings of shyness or feelings of insecurity too.
I took it on as an identity. This is who I am. I’ll always be the outcast. I’ll always be the reject. I’ll always be the misfit. I’ll always be the one that just seems too weird or too different or whatever, and so what you believe about yourself ends up dictating how you behave. And so because I believed this was the kind of person I was, therefore I held myself back.
I didn’t put myself out there and friendships and social situations. So what I expected continued to just be replicated in my life. Okay. And that ended up causing, you know, all kinds of issues. Well into my early adult years until I started to really figure out how do I deal with this stuff and how do I overcome this stuff?
And so it really plagued me with a lot of fears, a lot of mind games, as I said, a lot of insecurities [00:05:00] that just kept me back from what I believe, or at least tried to thwart and delay what I believe was the call of God on my life from early on. Let me ask a couple of questions about that. Where did you.
Grow up. I grew up in Southern Missouri, Southern small town, 6,000 people at the time. I think it’s exploded 8,000 now. Today. It’s huge growth. Yeah. But so, yeah, in a very, a real traditional religious kind of community where everybody did kind of one of two things. If you were younger as you, you played some sort of sport.
Or are you farmed or something like that. And so neither of those I was very interested in. And as you said in the introduction, I was always kind of a techie person. My nose was in the computer, and in those days especially, that was not. The popular thing, you know, I was, I was computers and technology and internet and all that stuff before any of that was cool.
Yeah. And so that labeled me on top of everything else, a nerd and a geek, and you know, so there are all kinds of labels that people called me and I eventually took on myself, which just created all kinds of insecurities. As I said. Yeah. I always think about the dire street song. And he talks about the moving.
Do you remember that song? No, I don’t. straight dire straits. A band from the 80s they’re talking about a rich, geeky guy with a ponytail, and they say are in the song. I don’t want if anybody, but today we’re so sensitive to all the words. But back then in the middle was like, you know, that guy’s a faggot.
He’s sitting there on his computer and he’s making money and he’s rich and I’m sitting, you’re moving furniture. That stuff, the message, like I’m manly moving furniture, and then that’s the kind of thing it would have been. Yup. Yup. And that’s the kind of thing that, you know, I faced all the time because I didn’t.
Excel and certain things that were popular amongst my peers. They called me all those names and they, they said, you know, they’d called you a girl, they call you a week, they call you all kinds of things, which is humiliating to somebody, especially at that age and at that time. and so that just further put me back into my shell to where I was just determined, well, I’m never going to pursue friendships.
I’m never going to put myself out there, because when I do, I’m just going to be rejected. So I had an identity of rejection and rejection. Complex that, as I said earlier, I expected to be rejected because of what happened in the past. So therefore. That’s just kind of what always happened. Now, what was your home life like?
Home life was fine. I had a great home life actually. Yeah, my parents were great. Then mom and dad both very present, very good people. Three older brothers, which always older brothered me and they were, they were quite a bit older. My oldest one 12 years older than make. The closest one to me is like eight years older than me, so there’s quite the gap there, but.
For a number of years after they left the household. I guess you could say I was kind of like an only child in the household for a while except on weekends or holidays. But I think that also created kind of a maturity into me as well that I had at a young age because they were coming home and they were always talking politics or talking business or something like that.
So I was always around that kind of conversation as well, which only fed into the. Not feeling and fitting in to everybody else my age, cause I was always thinking kind of 10 or 20 years above, you know, kind of what they were thinking at the time. So it’s just, you know, a lot of things went into creating all of the things that I was dealing with and it made you who you are today, right?
Back then, you didn’t feel like you fit. Right. And that’s, I’ll say today is do I, would I want to relive some of the things that I went through back then. No, but do I greet them? No, because they did make me into who I am today. So God used it all. As he does, he takes the bat and he turns it into good. And I can certainly say a lot of the, so much, probably 90% of the ministry that I have today comes from the things that I’ve faced back then and helping other people who are dealing with those things, find the freedom and the victory like I did.
And then, and then at that time. One more question about the past. Did your mom and dad and brothers, did they try to help you be less shy? Did they tease you? Did they understand or was that just, again, the norm was, Hey man, why are you shy? Talk up. This is the interesting thing with that is yes, they would see that I was timid, just a classic introvert whenever we’d go to family things, but they didn’t know the extent to which I dealt with a lot of this stuff because I would hide it at home because there was shame involved.
because I believe because of these insecurities and because of things that people said about me, that I was someone who is wrong. And that’s the classic definition of shame, by the way, as you take that on as somebody that is wrong, this is who I am. And so I was so afraid of them figuring that out, realizing that nobody liked me at school.
Nobody wanted to be friends with me. I was so embarrassed about that, that I didn’t let them in on it. [00:10:00] For an example, I would not tell my mom on days that parents were invited to school, special parties, class things, parent days. I would keep that from her so that she couldn’t come in and see me in my pitiful condition.
See me all alone, see me so shy, nobody wanting to talk to me, and she used to think that I was embarrassed of her. So she ended up taking that on as herself. Something was wrong with her or that created shame in her when really she didn’t learn until, I think I mentioned it on a TV program of all things years later, years later, like a couple years ago, maybe five years ago maybe, or so that it was, I was ashamed of me.
I was afraid that she would see who I really was. . That’s interesting. You say that. I’m laughing you. Obviously we can’t see you on the camera, but, Kyle and I were just talking about before this interview, we were catching up and talking about some things and I was saying how I, I podcast and there’s no video involved consciously.
And that’s something that like Kyle and I were joking about. And then now what’s really funny is the introverted kid. Who was so shy that you couldn’t even tell your parents. Now your whole calling is that, that’s exactly, it’s a classic of what God does when you go into the scriptures and things you see, he takes the people that felt like they were nobodies or they were nobodies in the culture, and he turns him into somebody and he gives them a voice and it gives them an influence and it’s not really anything that I was seeking out for myself so much.
Yeah. You weren’t trying to compensate. It’s just the path God had. Right, right. And, and he totally flipped the script and now it is. It’s just something now that I, I tell God now, even today, anything that I go through, I say, okay, God, if I’m going to have to go through this, use it as something that can help somebody else out later.
that’s a dangerous prayer because then you’ll go through things because God wants to use your story to help other people out. That’s a primary way that he. Uses ministry is through stories, but, but that is what happened from my past has God has used the story when I got not afraid to talk about it, when I overcame the shame and he’s now raised up that voice to be an influence to people who are going through the same or similar things.
And so I praise God for all that. And like I said, I can’t regret the past anymore because it’s made me who I am and it’s given me something to say. Amen. Amen. All right, well, so now your typical introverted teenager. That’s right, and you’re growing up and high school’s clicking through and every kid’s thinking the same stuff.
Pretty much. What am I going to do? Who am I going to marry? Where am I going to live? You know? Where am I going to college? Yeah. So in your mind, this must be just exponentially more intense. Am I correct in that? Yeah, that’s right. Yeah. And I also put a lot of pressure on myself just because of who I am, and I think there was being often rejected.
You do have a craving for acceptance. You often crave what you didn’t get as a child. And so I had these wounds in me that were craving for acceptance and craving. Certain things. And so I put all this pressure on me that I had to have the perfect path, the perfect purpose, the perfect everything. So especially as a teenager, so I’m, I’m really racking my brain to figure this out and make sure that everything is lined up correctly and maybe that I can do something that is going to.
Get people to accept me or to like me and fill that void that I didn’t get as a child. So where do you go from there? Well, what happens to me is, this is really kind of the turning point, the kickstart to the turning point in my story here is I’m 16 years old, and just as you said, dealing with all the added insecurities of teenage life, but some friends.
Of mine, and really they were acquaintances at that time, but they invited me to their church youth group. I was raised a very liturgical tradition. Like I said, small town, traditional town, 90% of the people were the same thing that I was and in, what were you defining was Catholic. Okay. Yeah. And I’m not a Catholic basher or anything like that.
It’s just where I was. No, my family’s from Italy. I grew up in America. I mean new England, you’re right. Our town was. Literally established to be a seminary for priests. There’s a big seminary there. It’s no longer really active. It’s now retirement community for the priests. But that’s what it was established for.
So [00:15:00] everybody was that. So that is what we knew. I always say I was Catholic born Catholic bread, and my parents, they had their way when I died, but Catholic dead. No, that’s, that was the path they wanted. But. I was in Southern Illinois right along the Mississippi river, so Illinois was 15 minutes away. Hey, can we pause one second?
There’s listeners of all sorts of backgrounds and worldviews listening. Sure. And what Kyle and I are talking about casually, I want to make sure we clarify. We’re referring, we’re not saying Catholics are evil and bad. That’s right. We’re referring to the religion, the church religion as a whole. Not the church of God, not God himself, not that are not the people.
There’s good and bad in all kinds. You can. Absolutely. So I just want to clarify that if you are Catholic, we’re not saying all Catholics are evil and horrible. That’s no great Catholics. Yes, I know. Great Protestants. I know bad Protestants. I don’t, you know, there’s, there’s something in everything I’m talking about really the religion and the structure yet.
I just want to clarify that because some everybody, like if I said the word church. Every single human on the planet will have a different, that’s right. Emotional field, just from that word church. Some people are thinking very positive things in relief. Some people think in man, it’s a horrible place, but the fact is, it’s just a word.
It’s the emotion from our history that carries through. That’s true. That’s why I didn’t mean to disrupt you, but I don’t want to quit. No, that’s good. I like that. Often I won’t even say what it was because I don’t want to come across in any, any particular way, but it is part of my story, and as I was saying, some acquaintances of mine at the school at the time, they were going to another kind of a church across the river in Illinois and they invited me to the youth group and finally after like the fifth invite, but didn’t have any more excuses.
And I was like, okay, I’ll go. And so I went and that, as I said, was a turning point because I experienced something I didn’t experience in the structure that I was in before, before how I saw my relationship with the Lord was more like God was up in heaven and he was just. Looking at every which way that I was making a mistake and going to zap me dead for my every mistake.
I’m laughing cause that’s how I grew up. Yeah. And Jesus was just the extent of it was he was this past plaster of Paris figure that hung up on a, on a wooden cross that had an awful scowl on his face. It looked like he was ready to take out his bad day on me. And so I was afraid of God. More than anything, not a healthy fear of the Lord.
It was something that God was at a distance from me. So I go to this church, which is just a classic nondenominational church, Christian, and there is a vitality and energy and a life to how they talk about Jesus. That in the structure that I grew up in, I didn’t have before. And they talked about this Jesus as if he was somebody, as I said, alive, but he was somebody that had power to help change me, had power to help me overcome the things that I was facing, the fears that I was faced in, the insecurities that I was facing, and so there was no warmup period for me.
Some people, it takes them a little bit to get used to that kind of thing. For me, I was like, all in. I wanted everything that this Jesus they talked about had to offer, and I went in full speed ahead. And so at that point I say that that was a turning point, a major, the pivotal turning point that things built on after that because I started to hear what God thought about me.
I started to hear his truths. I started to hear that I’m not what I feel. I’m not what I fear. I’m not how I fell. They elevated God’s word in my life to be my reality. And so I learned that God loves me. God has a plan for me. Ephesians two 10 God calls me his masterpiece, all of these things. So instead of.
This wasn’t an overnight process understanding. I have to tell people that so that they don’t beat themselves up and think, what’s wrong with me? I’m not getting this overnight. This was an overtime process, but it was kickstarted here. Just by the understanding, God’s word is more real than what I feel.
as I said, I’m not those old things. It changed my identity from I am a reject. I am an outcast. I am somebody that [00:20:00] no one will like to. First and foremost, the most important thing in my life is that I am accepted by God. God calls me part of his family. As a matter of fact, even knowing the good, the bad, and the ugly of my life.
Before I was ever born, God still decided to bring me into existence and adopt me into his family through Christ, and so I made that the foundation of my identity. And from that basis of knowing, as I said, that I am accepted and loved by God regardless of what everybody else had said in the past, regardless of everything that I felt that build a godly confidence, that really started the change in my life and it was a change that.
Was a decade process of building upon that, but that was the beginning. That was the turning point of it. A relationship with Jesus. Yeah. That’s where things just like, let me apifany the catalyst. Right. Let me ask you a question about that then. So you’re 16 you’re introduced to Christianity in a way that you’ve never experienced before.
You immediately saw. Something different in it and you embraced it and it began to change your life as that was happening. What was going on in your home? How are your parents responding? They were not happy. They were not happy because as I said, this was a community that only knew Christianity within a certain construct.
Everything else was taboo. everything else was unknown. And so I come home that night from the youth group. It was a Wednesday night, end of January, 2001 I’ll never forget it and I’m all excited that I’m wanting to grow in the faith. Mom and dad are going to be happy. Who doesn’t want their child? You know, a Christian parent who doesn’t want their child to be more interested in the faith.
Well, they were not happy because. It was bucking the old family tradition. Like that old Hank Williams, jr sign wouldn’t ruin the old family tradition or however it goes. That’s, that’s what it was like to them. They were afraid, Oh, what if this gets out? What are their brothers and sisters? My aunts and uncles gonna think, what are my brothers going to think?
He’s off the deep end. There are things now that he doesn’t want to do. There were things that I said and I don’t want any part of any more things I wouldn’t touch, you know, all kinds of stuff that, that come with a transformation like that. And so they just. They just thought that this was really the worst thing in the world.
I was probably the best behave of the brothers, and suddenly I was the biggest black sheep in the family because I had turned my back or was turning my back on everything that they knew in their faith, everything that was important to them. Yeah. I’m laughing because you know, again, the camera can’t see this smile.
It’s just. I remember at one point in my life, very similar when I was 15, started going to a church, pastors always in the basketball courts telling us, Hey, come on in and playing with us. knocking on our doors, inviting us to youth group. And when it finally went, it was like, like a complete change. The one 80, 100%.
but I remember there was one point in my life where I’m probably closer to, I mean, I was. So close to God and love with him. I like what you quote unquote, a good person. No problems. Like I’m doing everything, but like a parent would be, this would be like ideal situation for a parent, right? Yeah. Yeah.
And I got grounded to go to , but I could go out with my friends till 2:00 AM if I wanted to party. Yeah. That’s hilarious. Because that is how it, that’s how it felt. Yeah. They would at that time. I think my parents would have loved to see me take on some of the ways of the world just so they could think that I’m normal.
Yeah. Yeah. It’s crazy. And the thing is, I was, when I was living in the world, I was miserable. When I was with Christ, I was joy and peace and happiness, sincere and real, and I’m like, wait, I’m getting grounded for this. I don’t understand it. And they’re like. You’re being brainwashed. My mom, I remember that.
Yeah. And I’m like, I’m not brainwashed and blood washed. And I’m like, what are you talking about? I’m like, I feel joy for the first time in my life and you’re telling me to stop. I’m like, wait a second here. Something’s not right. And then, you know, things change. And my mom started coming to church. And so what happened with your family?
Have they. Ever embrace Christianity or they still have, yeah, they have in their own personal ways. I mean, they’re still all part of the same structure they were before, but they have, they’ve experienced the faith to levels that they hadn’t before. . I drug them along the things over time that probably stretched [00:25:00] them as well, but instead of take your mom to school that you’re taking her away, it was take them to church.
There were all kinds of things that would be probably a whole different interview really, that I could, I could talk about as they were trying to, I think is, is kind of especially the first year in it, when when they’re like, okay, this isn’t really a phase. He keeps going back to this, and then there were certain nights, I remember there was a music night where.
It was nothing but a Friday night where they were singing songs in the church. And I invited them to that cause I thought, Oh, my mom likes music. Surely she’ll like that. Well, that was a little bit more of energetic worship than they were probably used to. So I think their eyes were a little bit more open at that point and just different things over the years.
But I’ll say that as it went on and I learned how to talk to them. And. Get out of my overzealousness of beating them down on everything that I thought was wrong with what they believed. Cause that’s, that’s what happened is I came home, they rejected me here, I was rejected by my peers in school and now I’m rejected by my family and now I get defensive and I react immediately as well.
This is what you believe. That’s wrong. and then they don’t take that well. Of course, you know, then they put their walls up and everything and it just kind of spirals out of control for there. So eventually I learned how to talk to them and dialogue with them, and they start to see the fruit in my life that it was actually helping me they started to see me come out of my shell.
They started to see, wait a minute, these people that he’s hanging out with, there are things, events that he wants to go to now. So I said, I didn’t do that stuff before. I was afraid to be around people. So now they see that, okay, something is changing in my life. And it was the fruit that did the talking.
And that was the biggest change. And the biggest way that really I reached them to get them to kind of experience God in their own ways and have more of a personal relationship with Jesus than they ever had before. And let’s stop there. So that is, that was my first real interview question is right there.
And I’m so glad you just said that. So your problem at that point in life. The obstacle was you had her dramatic life change and your family was rejecting you. You guys were not on board. Right? So for the practical steps for the teenagers listening now, for the adults, for the people who just trusted Christ, or you know, they’re not communicating with their family well, what practical steps, looking back, would you tell the young Tyler, what can you tell our audience?
How do you deal with that kind of change. Well, the first thing that I would say, and I’ll preach on this sometimes, is be a witness. Don’t be obnoxious. I thought I was being a witness by beating down everything that they believed by, you know, pinpointing everything that I thought was wrong. When in truth, I was coming against them and everything they, they knew what could I expect except for them to get real defensive and be worried about suddenly what I was getting into.
So the best thing that I could have done at that time is to shut my mouth. And what eventually happened is to let the fruit do the talking. We get. Born again or saved on fire, filled with the spirit, whatever you want to call it. And we get all excited and I get that I was there. We get passionate. We think everybody has to know and hear and experience what I did.
and then we get overzealous and that’s where we get into making mistakes. They weren’t there. They didn’t hear what you heard. They didn’t see what you heard. They’re there. They’re probably not going to understand that that moment that changed you. So the best thing that you can do is, is to live out that change in front of their eyes in a way that is not offensive and defensive to them in a way that doesn’t come against them.
but let the Holy spirit do the work in their life. The Holy spirit is 24 seven working on people he sensitive to know the right timing and the right ways that are going to work for them. Let him do it. You don’t have to force it. And so that’s always step number one for me is just I said, close your mouth, wait upon the Lord, let your fruit do the talking,
and then just watch. Watch what God does. He’ll work and change on the hearts. Whole lot [00:30:00] better than you can. I always say that God will do in 10 seconds. What you couldn’t do in 10 years of arguing, persuading and defending yourself, his timing is always worth the wait and for you, you’re saying be who God made you to be.
Be consistent. Be loving. That’s right. And just basically actions speak louder than words. That’s right. If you love them, love them, but leave it up to the Holy spirit to metal where you shouldn’t and change what you can. It’s just that simple. Love them throughout it and be patient with it. And yeah, when this, when God prompts you to say things, absolutely you have to be obedient and there’s a time for boldness.
There’s a time to be courageous. There’s a time to say things, but there’s also a time just back up and just as I said, let God do the work in their life. You don’t have to force it. And that. Was really where I saw, as I said earlier, the biggest change in my parents is when I backed up and I let God do the work and just be who God made you to be.
That’s right. Receive my acceptance from him. And again, for the listeners, we’re not seeing condone evil. If somebody’s going out getting drunk and beating, we’re not saying, Hey, that’s okay. God loves you. Right? But we’re talking about every day. You know, someone does something that we wouldn’t necessarily agree with.
You don’t have to say that’s wrong. That’s between them and God. You just keep being who you are. Is that correct? Huh? That’s right. Yeah, and don’t take it honest, personal rejection. God is your vindicator. That was something I learned very early on, which helped me in my rejection issues. It helped me with my family.
It still helps me today when somebody doesn’t get what I’m doing or they don’t agree with me or. They reject me for some reason because of something that I know isn’t true. Something I know isn’t right. I say like, David did God, you are my vindicator. To vindicate means to show somebody right, reasonable or accepted.
And so first and foremost, my vindication, my acceptance, my rightness, it comes from God. I don’t really, it’s great to have it from other people. Of course. I’m not going to lie. I’m human. That feels good, but you don’t need it. When your foundation is God, my acceptances in you, you will show me to be right.
If I am right, you will show me to be right in your timing. I don’t need to beat somebody else down so that they see it my way or they accept me. You’ll bring me acceptance and favor with the people that I need it from in the right timing, man. So now at this point in your life. You were shy and felt isolated and alone.
And now you have this peace in this relationship with God, but now you’re getting isolated a little bit from your family. So it’s a different type of all directions. It’s a different type of aloneness. So at this point, where are you able to form a bond and have that sense of community and fellowship.
With the youth group or someone in the church, or was it still your even outside from them? Like now you had God and that’s really all we need, but was that was a bridge being made anywhere or were you still alone? No, there was a bridge being made. Of course, rejection from the family and your loved ones going to be even a more hurtful rejection because they’re the ones you expect should love you.
And so I did have that feeling and that did cause me to clean all the more to the Lord, which was good for me probably at that time because I developed a maturity and a character because of that, that I wouldn’t have had before. Our alone times with God can be very good for us when we’re especially, we look back in hindsight and we’re on the other side of it, but at the same time, there was a community that was developing.
God created us to be in relationship with other people as well, with himself and with other people, and that church. That youth group. That community was also affirming me in ways believing in me in ways that I didn’t even believe in myself. And this is kind of, I’ve told them this before, when I’ve spoke back at that church, they didn’t even realize they were doing it, but there was a power in it is when I was shy and insecure and I did a decent job of hiding.
And as I said, because I was ashamed of it. So they didn’t really always see it in certain ways. I covered it up, but they saw something in me as leaders, as youth leaders, they saw something in me that I didn’t see. I didn’t believe in myself, and they pulled it out of me. And that affirmation that I got from them did wonders as well.
because then they invited me into leadership roles. They called on me to do things. They asked me to do things in just the type of person that I was. I ended up rising to the level of those things, [00:35:00] and so now I had a foundation of confidence in who I was in Christ. Loved, complete, accepted in him, but I was also getting belonging and acceptance and affirmation from his people.
which is an incredible con con combination when you know God accepts you and you also experienced that belonging from his people, then the growth really started to happen at that point. Yeah, 100% and then I don’t know about you. I remember when the change was going on me. The the what God used was a man who wasn’t necessarily like it wasn’t perfect by any means.
He had issues. We all do right. But he took the time to spend with me and answer my questions. And that was that somebody loves me, somebody cares about me, somebody wants to spend time with me. Right? And they’re not getting paid and they’re not doing your return. And that really gave me a sense of worth like, wow, why is this guy pouring his life into me?
What’s he seeing me? Right? And that, yeah, I can totally get, and for the listeners out there, some of you have had that happen, and you know exactly what we’re talking about. And some of you are thinking, you know, I wish that would happen to me. and I have my own thoughts on that. But how, what do you say at that person?
Listen, right now, they’re totally discouraged. They feel alone. They really don’t feel like they have worth. What do you say to them right now? Well, the first foundational truth is you have to understand who you are in Christ, because that will give you confidence when nobody else has given you confidence.
As I said, and I can’t say this enough. God’s word is more real than what you feel. And he says that you are accepted. He says that you are complete. He calls you his masterpiece. Build your foundation first on that. And then the next thing is, is to find a community of likeminded people that you’re going to experience belonging in.
And yeah, that is gonna take some intention. That is going to take some diligence. You’re going to click with some people in, you’re not, and it doesn’t need to be. A lot of people. I still am. I mean, my personality is still naturally an introvert, but I have learned that it doesn’t have to hold me back, and I have learned that it doesn’t have to be something that I’m ashamed of or something that has to be cast out of me or whatever, that God can use that as a gift.
He gave me a personality. And so he can use that and it ends up glorifying him all the more. But you don’t have to have a lot of people just find one or two people and thankfully, God brought that for me and I found that. And yeah, I had to take some steps. I had to step out of my comfort zone. I had to go to some things eventually that I had to go to, afraid I had to do things afraid in order to find some of those people.
I was able to do that cause I knew what God believed about me. Yeah. And then I took the steps from there and it took time. Yes. It was a process. Absolutely. Okay. You have to be willing to go through the process. Yes. And if it was easy, everybody would be, everybody would do it. It is not easy. And I don’t try to sell people some sort of easy thing.
I mean, yeah, I would love to tell you, you’re going to get your drive through breakthrough, your microwave maturity or whatever it is. You can sit on the couch. And you can just wish for it, but you don’t get it by wishing it takes diligence. It takes effort. It is going to take getting out of your comfort zone.
There is no way around it and doing and doing. Yeah. The Bible says that talk in the lips tend to throw only at Penry. Yeah. Most people are like, what the heck does that mean? It means talk is cheap. You’ve got to do, you know, commensurate works into the Lord and they thought shall be established. what Kyle is saying to you as a listener, listen, if you’re 1444 or 64.
Even if you’re 94 if you feel alone. I know personally in my life, I remember as a teenager, never even as an adult, never feeling like I fit. I didn’t fit with people who are wild. I didn’t fit with people who were Christian. I didn’t fit with anybody at scene, and I remember not just praying a couple of times or for a couple of months.
I remember praying for years. To have Christian friends that I fit with. Yeah. And the, you know, we’re friends and like, people I could trust, and I’m not going to lie to you. I prayed for years at some points. I thought, God, you’re a loving God and you’re not a liar and you promise, but when’s this going to happen?
And then, man, I had some good friends and were wrong and in high school, Hi my neighbors and like people, I was real close to like brothers, [00:40:00] but I never had that group of friends that I see other people having. And then now I thank God I have so many friends, good friends, not friends. They hang out when times are good, but friends are there to pick, not just pick you up and protect you when your BNB pick you up when you’re on the ground and help you get back on your feet and then celebrate together.
Yep. So. Sometimes we don’t know God’s reasons, but there’s a plan, so don’t quit. Don’t give up. And I want, Kyle, I want you to chime in on this, what I’ve learned, and I want to see if you agree, the more extraordinary a person is, the more unique you are, the harder it is to find your people. Absolutely. I still today.
We’ll catch myself saying, Lord, I just don’t feel like I fit with anybody. I mean, I could probably last week I was saying that even in some of the Christian circles, because I tried for 37 years to be normal, and I realize it wasn’t really working out for me. So finally I decided just to be me, you know?
But, and that’s something that God impressed upon me a couple of years ago is I was looking at people, I said, I wish I could be more like this, and I wish I need to be like this. And I started to take some of that on. and maybe take on some of their personality or their style or whatever. And God just really impressed upon me to stop that.
And one thing he said is, he said, use the gift of you. He said, I have given you a personality, a style, and a story to reach people that others can’t with theirs. Use the gift of you. I want to say that to whoever’s lifting or listening. Have you thought about that? That who you are. Is a gift. Your personality, your style, your story, your uniqueness, the very things that you think are too different, too strange, too weird, won’t make you fit in.
Those are the very things I’m telling you. I’m a testimony of it today. Those things are what God will use to help out other people. The bring you influenced to raise your voice up and yes, to bring other people around you and even bring you. A community. You touched on an important point, Dave, that I would do every time I went somewhere new, still do it today.
When I graduated high school, as I said, boldness was a rising up in me and I was starting to learn who I was and there was that transformation. So I got bold. I moved like 1100 miles down South to South Florida for college where I knew nobody. So there were some fears there. Of course. But I prayed. I said, God, I just pray that you just bring me a couple of friends.
Just bring me some people that I can click with. And he did. It wasn’t a huge group at that time, but it was a quality group. And then from South Florida, I move up here to North Florida, where we’re talking now here in Pensacola, Florida. Yup. Beautiful. Pensacola. That’s right. And it was an eight to nine hour drive up the road.
I didn’t know anybody up here either. I came to take a job to help out an organization. At the time, I knew nobody and I was afraid again, but I said, okay, God got me through back then. He got me through before God. We’ll do it again. And I prayed just a simple prayer. Lord bring me friends, and within a couple of days I met one of my best friends, still best friend to this day.
We talk all the time. And so God will do that. And it starts out with just a simple prayer. just ask him, pray. And then after that, take the opportunities that he opens. You have to step through the door. He’s not going to push you through. When God opens opportunities for you to connect with people, take those opportunities.
So as we said, there is something you have to do. But it starts as simple as a prayer. Yup. A man who has many friends, my show himself friendly. That’s right. You have to take that step. And Kyle, I don’t know if you know that, like I was introverted. I’m, Oh yeah, I do. Yeah. It wasn’t until I was 17 and went cross country and saw the whole world wasn’t like my hometown that I realized, dude, what are you doing?
Just be you. Right. I still struggle with that. Like people don’t understand, like when I go to a party or a event. Even restaurants. Sometimes I just want to go alone and be like by myself. Or like have two or three friends. Yeah. I am not that guy. So if you’re listening, listen, God loves you and God has a sense of humor because two of the most introvert guys, if you could actually see who we are, we have some of the most public ministry, you could call it public careers.
I remember seriously. Being afraid to speak publicly at any level, even to stand up in class and in college. I got this crazy idea that I know is God led, but it’s [00:45:00] take a voice class. Ah, and you know what’s crazy about that? I cannot sing. I am terrible with directions, and there’s certain things in my life that’s like, dude, absolutely.
I’m deficient in. So I took a voice class with like 20 beautiful college girls and me and like three other guys and embarrass myself three times a week. But when that class was over, it’s, if you can embarrass yourselves, and I still teach my clients this and my friends. Find out what you’re terrible at and go do it.
That’s true. And then when you’re done, you’re so callous, then beat up that you guys do it. You’re like, you’ll do anything at that point. And now I am still getting nervous when I speak, but man, I can do it. That’s right. So for you, it’s crazy. We’re sitting here and you’re on video and you’re on audio, and you speak nationally, and even internationally.
And we’re both two guys who would stay in the corner and type on a computer. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I’m energized most when I’m by myself really? And that’s a classic introvert. Yup. But I actually now will take opportunities to speak. The more people, the better to me now because God has arisen me out of that and helped me overcome all of those insecurities that once held me back.
So let’s do this. Let’s stop here. Another key point for our listeners, people like us listening right now. How do you overcome it? The Bible says a man who has many friends, Michelle himself friendly, right? It also says, greet that friends in my name. You know, there’s a big deal with the, like Dale Carnegie.
You say the sweetest sound someone can hear is then their own name. So for you as an introvert, and for our listeners as introverts, how do you break free from that? How do you, how do you make it happen? There was a couple of practical things that I learned and I was intentional. About, I wanted to figure this stuff out because one thing that I really didn’t enjoy doing with small talk, I think every introvert hates that and going to a dinner.
Yeah. I feel like you’re wasting time. And often I just thought I wouldn’t even say things or ask questions because I thought, well, those are stupid questions. Yeah. What’s a perfect, that would be conversation starters for everybody else. And so I just kind of sit there feeling awkward. And if you’re listening and you don’t know what we’re talking about, you’re not an introvert because as an introvert, you’re thinking, let’s do something with purpose.
Let’s help each other. Let’s solve problems. Right? You’re like, I don’t want to talk about something stupid. No, it’s not that we don’t care about you, it’s just, that’s just not how you’re wired naturally. So that’s where I break free from this. I just learned the art of asking questions. One thing, just as you said, the sweetest sound.
To somebody as their own name. So I try to, when I’m first meeting somebody first, it helps me remember their name, but also it gets you on good rapport with them, is to repeat their name and to call them by name. The other thing is is instead of trying to be interesting, be interested, and I asked them about their life, that’s the thing that people like to talk about the most is themselves.
So I just learned really how to ask questions about their life, and that kind of ends up being the small talk. It makes them feel good. It keeps the conversation going, and hopefully if they’re a good communicator, they’ll ask you questions in return and you’ll just go back and forth. But don’t set your set up.
Don’t set yourself up for that. That’s right. I said, hopefully if they are eight or nine times out of 10 people won’t get your feelings hurt. Right. And I had to learn that. Yeah. And so I’m just, okay. Oftentimes I’ll, I’ll sit with new people and you know, I’ll leave thinking, well, you know, they just talked about themselves the whole time, but it’s because I opened that up.
I’ve had conversations. Where I’ve just listened. Yep. And people walk in. It’s the best conversation I’ve had in mind. Like I talked like three words. How are you? Had the same thing, but that’s a trick and that’s it. That’s, it is something. It’s so easy to do if you’re an introvert, because it doesn’t really require a whole lot from you except just to be interested and you do care.
There’s no manipulation. It’s not anything like that. But you do care. And it is just a way to break the ice and to keep conversation flowing and to keep it flowing for awhile in some cases. Yeah. And be genuine. Whatever you’re doing, be genuine, be real. We’re not telling you to be fake and just ask questions and nod your head.
We’re not telling you to be like Charlie sheen from two and a half men. We’re, we’re telling you to legitimately ask questions that you’re interested in, right. And listen. And they ask follow up questions. And that’s what I’ve learned too, is when they’re talking. Whereas I used to think if they would say something that I didn’t understand or I need clarity, I pre-process things in my mind before I say them.
Usually that helps me out. Not always, but, and then I’ll think, Oh, I’m not going to ask that because that would be stupid. That was where I was coming out with all those are stupid questions. But [00:50:00] now I’m like, if it pops into my mind, practically, I’ll ask them, well, what do you mean about that? Well, what does, what does this do?
What do you do in your job here? What does this role mean? What does, you know? And so there’s nothing kind of too shallow. that that I won’t ask them. And that just keeps things flowing and helps me, as I said, as an introvert. All right, so that’s great advice. If you’re an introvert, you’re struggling to form relationships, ask questions, listen, use a person’s first name.
What else would you suggest?
Well, I would say that the next thing after that, and this is something that I continue to. Work on in my life is, is building that relationship beyond just the first meeting. My personality is, if I’m not careful, is that I’ll go to the very next thing in my life and I’ll kind of forget about who I met and what happens.
So I have to be very intentional about following up with people and just saying, Hey, just sending that text message say. Just casual stuff. Just building that relationship. just casual conversation. Find things that they’re interested in. Notice things from their talk. Notice things from what they’re wearing, just whether it’s sports teams, whether it’s TV shows, just various things that can help build that relationship, build that rapport.
Just build that human connection with people. Yeah, I mean, Kyle, so, right. If you’re listening, and this isn’t making sense, just trust us on this one. Let’s just do it. Just do it. I’m thinking just one of my, I really consider the man a close friend now based on statistics, based on light environment, based on every aspect of social relations.
This gentleman, I shouldn’t be friends. But man, one day I’m walking out of a ballpark and I see this guy with his son and they’re both smiling. I just said, hi. Struck up a conversation professionally, we had something in common, so we’re like, Hey, can I get your business card? You know, like we switched business cards when I went there and met with him, there was not any interest in the professional.
Man, he loved his son. And that stuck out to me. Yeah. And he talked about his son. His son was super into baseball. Yeah. And then bone, a month later, I’m shopping, which with my wife, which I hate doing shopping, and we’re at a thrift store, which even we’re all, yeah, that’s the worst. Or no, I know. This antique store, thrift store.
To me it’s all the same. Yeah. I want it that way. Sorry if you liked that stuff, but, I just don’t like that. Well, I see this old wrapped up. Baseball, like background for a wall, like I know they’re usually pretty expensive and it was brand new on use and I thought, I bet his son would look that. So I just bought it.
It’s like 15 bucks and I gave it to him. I’m like, Hey man, just thought of you, your son. I just want you to have this no strings attached, anything that literally opened the door to such a great relationship. And to this day after this interview, I’m meeting with him this afternoon. And we’re friends and we hang out and we share life together.
So it’s crazy. Exactly what you’re saying. Listen, find something they’re interested in and find something they care about and take the time to go out of your comfort zone. That’s right. And you know what? We all, most of us, you’re listening to me. You have probably a smartphone. You have $1,000 computer that could launch a rocket to Mars.
Put the freaking birthday in the phone. Such a good tip there. Put notes about when you meet somebody. Yes. There’s a note section. Yes. Open up your contacts. Put has a wife named Bertha as a dog named Sam likes toast with Jolie. Put those notes in there. It’s not cheating. It’s helping us remember important facts about our friends.
That’s what I do professionally when I’m, you know, I run a ministry and so we have donors and I like to call my donors and thank them for their generosity. And I take notes on the phone call because first of all, I want to go back to those notes so I know how I can pray for them. But when I call them back, I mean, if I’m calling so many people, when I called that person back, I want them to feel special.
So that I remember their prayer requests some a year later, if I call them back. So I can ask them and say, Hey, how did this situation turn out that I prayed for some months ago? And that just builds a connection and it builds, it builds a relationship and it makes them feel special, make people feel special.
And that will go [00:55:00] so far towards your relationship and towards what people think about you and how they talk about you. That relate to you and it’s Jay. Again, just because you’re keeping notes doesn’t mean it’s ingenuine. It’s genuine. You care just, we have so much going on, we can’t remember. That’s right.
So use the tools God’s given us. That goes back to your point about being serious about this stuff, and I think that’s what that means is it’s not a manipulation trick. As I said, it’s, it’s not cheating. It means that. You have gotten beyond being so self absorbed and thinking about yourself all the time that you were actually taking notes, that you actually listening to what somebody else is saying because you care about them.
I think that shows the ultimate that you care about somebody is when you’re willing to take that extra effort and do those things. I agree 100% I have wife wife’s, I have lists for my wife, for my kids, for my friends. I use it in business. I mean, I remember one time I was in, I’m just going to say Portland, Oregon, not going to go any more specific than that.
And I’m crossing this giant intersection in across the intersection. I saw a guy and I’m like, I know him. And all I remembered at that moment with 50 million things going through my head was I know him and he was with this organization. So I went into my phone. I typed in that organization, went through the 18 names.
I of him, boom, that’s him. I’m going to call him Bob. That’s Bob looked at the notes. I’m like, Hey Bob, what’s going on? And it lit his face up in the middle of a crosswalk in Portland, Oregon. So listen, everybody wants two things, I believe. They want to be loved and they want to feel special. Right? I don’t think there’s one human on the planet that doesn’t have those needs, and the real definition of love is gone.
That’s where all the true fulfillment, joy piece comes from. That’s right. But we also are giving each other to share, to help get in weird way to love each other. Right? Right. Yeah. I’m not going down that road, you know what I mean? But, but it’s huge. And to make someone feel special, man. I tell my kids this all the time.
I’m like, we get beat up all day, every day by people trying to take advantage of us, by people just being negative by people in situations that are hostile. I’m like, Oh, it’s just be nice to each other. Yeah. Yeah. That’s why so much of the ministry God’s given me and what I do. There’s a lot of encouragement in there.
I’ve got my bold times and I’ll speak very freely and openly and directly when I need to, of course. But I think people are walking into our lives are walking into our churches and they’re asking, will you love me? Yup. And I think what Christ is asking us to do is wherever they are, whoever they are, is to love them in that place and let him do the changing from there.
But just love. Just as I said, if you love them, love them. But no, let’s do that. Let’s talk about your ministry, but let’s, let’s fill the gap in. So we went through your introverted starting going to this youth group. Your life change, you trusted Christ, you start moving, you go to South Florida for college, you get some good friends, you move up to Pensacola, you meet friends here, and then your careers building at this point professionally.
But you’re working for a ministry. So between there and now. Fill in any gaps you want to expand, but that’s a big span, but where do you think, where’s God leading you right now to share with the listeners that’s going to help you continue to heal and grow? What’s going to help the listeners healing grow?
That’s where we’re at right now. It’s like every major step that was going to be another change in my life. There was something that I had to face and overcome. I’ve heard people say before and I like how it put new level new devil. I’ve never heard that there’s just every new level that you’re going to face, there’s probably going to be some sort of new devil that you’re going to have to overcome to get to that next level.
And so just as I said, for moving to college, far away, I had overcome something from moving from South Florida up to here to S to start my kind of ministry career. There was things I had overcome there, and largely that was behind the scenes kind of ministry stuff. And then God starts to elevate me, and I started to have a voice and more of a public presence, and he calls me to step out to do my own thing, which is ultimately what I’m.
Doing now some seven or so years later, but at that point when God called me out into my own ministry and to leave the behind the scenes and now have a voice and have a presence, that was kind of on the front lines of things. There was that new devil that showed up. And suddenly I started to be reminded of my, ever since since potty training, I started to be reminded of every word that was ever spoken against me.
Every reason why I shouldn’t be able to do this, every reason why I can’t do this, why it was impossible, why I don’t [01:00:00] have the right personality, why I don’t have this, why I’m too much of this, and I’m too little of that every reason in the book. And that’s where I had to go back once again. I can’t stress this enough.
I had to go back. To looking at what God says about me and to looking at his truths that old things have passed away. All things were made new
that I am the righteousness of Christ Jesus. Second Corinthians five 21 and to build my confidence in his truths. To know that I’m not my past. I’m not what people said about me. God’s word is my reality. Things that I had learned back when I was 16 in that new church that I found myself in. But now I had to go back to that foundation and I had to step out and overcome all of those lies and all those insecurities and accusations that were being launched out at me telling me, I can’t.
Do what God is asking me to do because of the us. And so I had to say no. Shut up devil. He who knew no sin took on my sin. I am the righteousness of God in Christ. Jesus. Old things pass away. All things are made new. I’m not a slave to fear, but I am a child of God and I had to talk to myself like that. It was a mental warfare for a little while there as I was saying, okay, God has called me to do this.
I’m stepping out, I’m going to do this. But I had to encourage myself in the Lord using his truth, and that’s when I came up with what really was the launching point of the ministry God’s given me today. And that was the shut up devil app. Well, let’s pause here for one second cause that’s, that’s where we’re going to go and pick up after this quick break.
So we’re talking about living in Pensacola. We’re talking with Kyle and he’s sharing his story and he brought us up to this point where he launches the shut up devil app. Awesome app. I personally got it and used it. so after this quick break, we’re going to talk about that and continue with the conversation.
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What’s their purpose? Why am I here and how do I get saved or what is saved for the answer to these questions and more checkout creation today. Dot org all right, man. So we’re back. Tell us about your app sod’s app. Like I said, I’m getting ready to step out into my own ministry. All the insecurities, all the fears, all the reasons why shouldn’t, couldn’t wouldn’t.
Popping up in my mind, trying to hold me back. I’m having to go back to the truths of God’s word. At this point, I had learned to carry them on me. I’d write out his truths on note cards that related to the things that I was dealing with. So if it was fear, it was second Timothy one seven I’ve not been given a spirit of fear, but I have love, power and a sound vine.
I keep those things on me so that I would renew my mind with him. Speak them out loud, declare them out loud. To keep myself built up that I can do what God’s asking me to do. It was a source of boldness for me. So devil’s advocate here, but Kyle, come on. Do you really need to speak truth to yourself? Do you really need to write it down and read cards where you brush your teeth?
Absolutely. Because that’s sarcasm. If you can’t pick up on it through the like, but people think that way. Some people are not going to do it for you. Yup. But we’re hearing constant negative, negative, negative, negative, negative. We need the positive. We need to have it. You have to have it. And now psychology actually says that you believe more of what you hear yourself say even than what you hear yourself think.
So that’s why I’m so big on speaking, and the Bible speaks to this truth. Faith comes by hearing and hearing from the word of God says to build yourself up. If somebody is not going to speak it into you, which most people aren’t, you’ve got to do it yourself. As I said earlier, David encouraged himself in the Lord, so find God’s truth.
There’s a lot of great things God has to say about you. And think on those things. Speak on those things. Keep those things running through your mind in your mouth at all time. And so the way that I did it at the beginning is I had note cards on me, but I realized that I would get lazy about it or I would just leave them.
And that doesn’t do any good. So I thought, this is where my technology background comes into play here. My mind starts spinning. I thought, wouldn’t it be nice to have God’s truths personalized in a way that speaks directly to me. On me at all times in a way to remind me to keep my mind and my mouth running his truths.
And I thought an app, and this is when apps were not common, right? This is kind of the frontier of it all. Yeah. It was new to this, and so a mobile app could have a reminder system built in it. Of course, a catalog. That was categorized by just about every issue. Humans face, loneliness, insecurity, rejection, lust, you know, addiction, all kinds of stuff that would, when you click through it, have a truth from God’s word that’s personalized to you.
So I had it built out. And the name even came up to me pretty quickly is what would that kind of thing be? Well, if there’s all kinds of nagging accusations and condemnations and fears and insecurities that are always whispering in your mind that are ultimately rooted in the enemy. And you’re using God’s word to confront those things like Jesus did when the enemies spoke to him in the wilderness.
The best thing to do is just to say, shut up devil. But that’s so offensive. Vile. He’s, he’s not afraid to come after you with all his negativity. What did Jesus say? Get thee behind me saying exactly. Yeah, guys, listen, if, if that’s friends you, you need to toughen your skin. I’m going to say it. I’ll be the bad guy.
I’m not advocating for you to tell other people to shut up necessarily, but I think you can tell the devil to shut up. Yeah. The person who causes all of our pain problems, I think he can handle a good shit up. And I think I always joke that when Jesus was using God’s word against the enemy, cause that’s what he did.
There in Matthew four I think it is, when Jesus, after he’s been fasting for 40 days and he’s weak and he’s famished, and the enemy comes to tempt him and and convince him to do things or not to do things, or he uses God’s word ultimately to silence Satan. And so I say in the Greek, that was shut up devil.
Yeah. And the enemy fled. That’s what God’s word did. And so that’s what God’s word I found in my life over all of the years did for my insecurities and my rejections. It shut the enemy up and it built confidence and who God said that I am. And so that was a crucial time for me. I had the app made for me.
And surprise, surprise, a lot of other people [01:10:00] face similar things and it’s helped. Now, I think. Few hundred thousand people have downloaded the app up to this point. It’s been on all the major Christian TV networks and things like that. So God has really breathed on it and it’s helping a lot of people. Oh, absolutely.
And if you, I’m going to put it in the show notes, a link to the app, so you can click on and download and you have it for, I know iPhone and Android, correct? So both platforms, you have it. And again, I didn’t go into the credentials to beginning, but I mean, Kyle, he speaks for TBN and the 700 club and all sorts of different platforms in the Christian circles.
He has, you know, a master of divinity and Bible study. but there’s one thing that, I mean, I’ve never heard this preached and I don’t want to ever speak heresy. But you told me what your thoughts on this when scene was being tempted in the garden and disseminate. I mean, Jesus, when Jesus was being tempted by the garden, the assembly, I got you.
I’m following. Yeah. All three times. He was tempted. He verbally came back with scripture and in flight. That’s right. So there is power in speaking truth. Yeah, and I go through that. I’ve written a couple books, silent state, and activating the power of God’s word, which is really, I hone in on teaching. Why.
It’s not your words that have power. It’s God’s words that have power. But they’re spoken through you. Absolutely. And where I was going with this though is on one of the temptations of Satan is it says in a moment he was shown the nations of the world, like in st and saying, you could have all this.
That’s right. But this is where I always went with it. And tell me if I’m wrong, but. They didn’t have the internet, they didn’t have TV. No. I believe seeing, put the thoughts in his head and real fast. Yeah. Jesus saw everything. And that’s what he does. And that’s what he does. So in the Bible, Satan could put thoughts in Jesus, you know, in head and show things and just like he can do to us today.
But the difference is, you know, I had a guest, a couple of weeks ago, say, you can’t. Oh, how did he phrase it? I don’t want to butcher so beautiful. You can’t stop a bird from landing in your hair, but you can keep them from making a nest. That’s exactly right. And when sane puts a thought in your head, he can do that to everybody.
But Jesus kicked him out immediately and that’s what we need to do. And that’s what you’re saying and what shut up seeing that does. That’s what it does. Yeah. You cannot keep every thought from entering your head, but you don’t have to swallow those thoughts and get them into UC. That’s what the enemy wants.
To do. He wants you to entertain those thoughts, swallow them, digest them so that he can send his deceit and insecurity and all of those feelings and fears all throughout you to effect the rest of your life. There’s a popular quote, I write about it and activating the power of God’s word, but it goes
What’s your thoughts? Because they become your words. What’s your words? Because they become your actions. What’s your actions? Because they become your habits. What’s your habits? Because they become your character. What’s your character? Because it becomes your destiny. So what starts in the mind goes through the mouth and then trickles down to effect the rest of you.
So what you have to do, so that doesn’t come out of you and go through the rest of you is you have to kick that thought out as soon as it comes in. You have to evict those thoughts. Don’t let them take up residence in your mind, and you do that by confronting them with truth. The father of lies has no power when the truth of the father, father God is present.
That’s what you do. Whatever thought it is, whatever feeling it is. As I said, insecurity, fear of rejection. If it’s lust, loneliness, struggle, whatever. Find truth related to that issue. The Bible has it for just about everything. person your mind in your mouth. Yeah, I agree. Get out loud. It will do wonders, I promise.
And I agree completely. So let’s continue in the journey. You launched this app, and of course you mentioned, I love that you said. Seven years later. Yeah. So you went and you followed gone. It was instant success. You know, money and wealth and notoriety and ease. Right. I’ve been shutting the devil up all along the way.
Let me tell you, but no, but people have this, this ms. Oh, what’s the word? How would I say it? They believe a lie. They think if I’m doing what God says, it’ll be easy and everything will fall in my lap. So then I quit when it doesn’t happen that way. And I am very careful to tell people that it is not the case.
Exotic. Want to set them up for. Failure. I went into this stuff just as you said, thinking various lies. I know instantly everything’s just going to be a success. I’m going to have all these speaking engagements and the videos are just going to get 5 million views overnight, and it just, most of the time it doesn’t happen that way.
Nope. You have to be intentional and it’s little by little. There’s a scripture even, I can’t think of it. [01:15:00] Offhand, but where God is telling his people as he’s going up against some other nations or they’re going up against other nations, he says, little by little, I will drive them out. And that’s often how you beat the battles, how you find the success, all the things that we desire in life as it happens little by little, it’s one foot after the other.
It’s one obedience after the other. And then eventually, you often don’t realize it in the process, but you look back and you realize how far you’ve come, consistent forward, progress, consistent for now, seven years later, I’m looking back and I’m saying, you know, I’ve made some progress here along the way.
Sometimes I felt like, is anything growing? And now sitting here talking, I can praise God really? Because yes, the work paid off. It’s paying off. Of course, there’s more to do. , but God has made it happen in his timing. I just had to be obedient to him and I had to wake up in the morning and do things, especially when I didn’t feel like doing them ways.
Are you seeing fact over feeling, Oh goodness, if I, if I had to feel everything before I did it, I wouldn’t do anything. Yeah. We’d be binge binge watching Netflix and that. But real growth and progress happens when you do something, especially when you don’t feel like it. The hardest machine to work to get into that gym is the door that’s cured.
It’s, that’s the hardest I, most of the time I tried to go to the gym every morning. It’s just a discipline that I have, I have learned has been very helpful in my life, but most of the days I did not want to get out of bed and do that. But the progress has come because I did it when I didn’t feel like it.
In the progress in this ministry and where God has taken me has come by doing it, by writing, by speaking, by recording the videos, by, you know, everything, doing it. When I was down, when I was insecure, when I was fearful, doing it, afraid if I had to. There’s a story I often tell Elizabeth Elliot, maybe some of you know of her.
She was the wife of missionary, Jim Elliot. He was killed by a tribe. He was evangelizing after his death. She was struck with fear, as you can imagine, but God called her back to that same people group, and she was so afraid to go back, which she faced the same fate that he did. And finally, a friend of her spoke to her.
Very matter of fact, Lynn. Said, maybe you just have to do it afraid. Great, and that’s what I’ve had to do. That’s what you’re probably going to have to do too. If you’re going to do anything worthwhile. You might just have to do it afraid you can have butterflies in your stomach shaking legs, knots, but just do it.
The fears will work themselves out over time. Agree. 100% that’s great. Godly, biblical advice. So thank you. Cow. Mmm. People are sitting there now and thinking like, Oh, and I know what God’s calling me to do here, but I’m afraid, you know, like, okay. I agree with what he’s saying, but I’ve done so many things count contrary this, and I’ve literally honestly worked against myself for so long.
I’m buried. I mean, it seems impossible. . How do I even start at this point? I’ve made such a mess of my life. Where do I go from here? Well, you’re going to have to start with the belief and who God says that you are, that all things are made new and in an instant, things are changing. It doesn’t mean there’s not going to be memories from the past, from the regrets, from the mistakes, from the things that people said about you, but those things can lose their influence when you are convinced.
I know. Maybe beating this horse horse to death a little bit, but when you are convinced in what God says about you, and the only way you do that is by diligently getting into his word and into his truths, and then you have to do, as I just said, you have to take that step and you have to do it. Afraid, take small steps.
You know, you’re you. You can’t wait to feel like it. You can’t wait to sit on your couch and have seven angels in the vision appear to you and say, go do this. You’re never, that’s never going to happen. If it does, you might need medical health. That’s right. That’s right. And sometimes you just have to step out to find out.
a lot of where I am today, I found on a path of discovery. It was a path of trying things, trying things as I’ve been saying, afraid, but I tried things, and from there I learned what resonates with me, what God breathed upon, what worked with me, what people [01:20:00] resonated with. Hmm. And the things that didn’t, and that has honed the way.
So wherever you are and whatever you’ve done, know that God loves you. It’s a new day for you. And listen, if God has called you to something, there’s no devil in hell. There’s no past that’s too big. There is no person that stands in your way that’s too big that God won’t get you through if you’re willing to go through it and step through it.
And so don’t be afraid. He might just actually use those things you went through, flip them on their heads. You know, Jesus was known for turning tables and he still does that today. He will take the things he did it in my life. All those things. The enemy was saying, God can’t use you. You’re too much of this.
You’re too little of that. You’re too dirty. You’re too messed up. You’ve made a mess of this life. You can’t. Change that. No, God will take the things the devil meant for your defeat, flipping them on their heads and used them to defeat the devil instead in. The way he does that is they’ll use your story to help somebody else out who might be going through something that you went through.
Yeah. Don’t be afraid of opening your mouth and letting God use your story if you had to go through it, if you made a mess of it, if the devil tried to use it. Then, Hey, utilize it and turn it into your ministry in your message and use it to help somebody. It’s the best way of overcoming shame. It’s the best way of overcoming fear.
It takes a pin to the pressure. It takes a pin to the shame, and it helps other people relate to you as well, which is one of the best forms of ministry. Yeah, and whether you’re 16 or 86. It’s not how you start life. It’s how you finish. That’s right. So if you screwed up the whole time to get back up and try again, just man falls seven times and rises up again.
So if this is your 59 million mistake and choice, that was bad. All right? Make it go. And right now start moving forward. Thrive. I mean, you could go through all the scripts and you’ll see just about every Bible hero that’s in there had to overcome something from the past. Even something from the present.
They had physical difficulties, speaking difficulties. They did horrible things in their pass. I’m in goodness. Look at the apostles. Look at Jesus’s disciples. They denied him. They fell asleep when he was praying there. All kinds of things. They persecuted Christians. And yet in an instant when God said it was their time, it was their time and they Rose up and nothing from their past could hold them back.
Very true words. All right, so you launched this app. It’s been seven years. Okay. You’re, Oh, it’s been longer than seven years now, but we, in the storyline, we brought through seven years. You transitioned from full time employment to self-employment, and that’s scary, right? Yes. Tell every step of this was something was a fear that had to be overcome.
Yeah, and I’m sure there was moments where in your head you’re like. Am I making the right decision? Should I just get a full time job? Should I? Oh yeah. I’ve wanted to quit probably three or 400 times and gotten really close. You hear that people, you’re not the only one, you know? And if you’re letting dot many extreme highs and extreme lows, that’s what one of Angeles, when I first started, youth of Angeles speaks to big conferences and he’s been in this for 27 years.
and he said, people that do what we do, we will face extreme highs and extreme lows. And I’m. Not immune to that. Yup. And that’s why I have to stay planted in God’s truths. Yeah. Every day. Every single day. Yup. The days that I have the most issues of the day, I don’t spend time with God. Yeah. When I was a teenager, I used to end my day every day.
Like I talked to God throughout the day. Sure. I really want, I pray, I, you know, try to do all the right things. But at the end of the day is when I spent my time with God. I don’t load the day. I’d read my Bible, I’d pray and read, pray, read back and forth. And that worked for me then really well, but now as an adult, now I got to start my day as God.
Me too. You feel that way? Yup. I completely, about a decade ago, I completely changed my routine. I used to hate mornings. Yup. Everything I did and including my time with God Bible reading, all of that was in the evening. And I’d sleep till, you know, when I didn’t have a job or on a weekend, I’d sleep till noon if I could later.
But finally I got disciplined. Like I said, the gym was a big part of that. I got disciplined in one area and that kind of helped me in other areas. But now I wake up at like four or five. I’m going saying this is a recipe for everyone, but I treasure that part of the day. Yeah. Or I wake up and I have that first hour or so, and I have that for my [01:25:00] devotional time.
It’s my writing time, so most of my thinking time. Then I get into the gym after that and then I go on with the day after that, but I will not, I could, I work for myself so I could get up whenever I want to. If I, you know, I can make my own schedule, but now a decade later, it is still very important for me to spend that first fruits of the day with the Lord.
Yeah. And that’s an interesting he made. I mean that everything you said I agree with does a couple of interesting terms. You use like the first fruits of the day. people usually think tithing. Yeah. And they think I get 10% to be thankful to God for what he’s given me. I keep 90. He’s just asking for 10.
And it’s not like he needs the wealth, it’s that he just wants you to acknowledge his goodness. Right. But there was a point in my life where I said, well. If today’s a gift, you know, we call it the present. Yeah. Every breath I take is from God. Why don’t I tie my time? Yeah. And you just mentioned that. What are your thoughts on that?
I mean, we are the Lords, our bodies are a temple in every part of us is the Lords, but we think we just punch our clock in America. The overwhelming whatever denomination you are, as you show up. For the service. You punch your clock, you quote unquote try to do the right things during the week and everything’s good.
Talk about that for a minute. Well, you look all throughout scripture and there is something of great importance that God puts on the first of things. Dedicate the first born, give the first 10% your first fruits, and so in time, I think that there’s something there too. I’m always very careful. Not to create a law out of anything.
I don’t want somebody to listen to this and say, Oh, I don’t do that. So I must be wrong and put themselves into condemnation and all kinds of things like that. But I’m just saying that I’ve experienced in my life, and maybe God shows you something different if that’s fine, if there’s a different way that you do things, whatever.
But in my life, I have found that there is something very special about giving God the first part of my day, the first part of the things that I do, and he ends up. Maximizing that and maximizing the rest of my day. Right? It’s just, you know, if I spend two hours with God and I might fear at the time, Oh man, that’s going to be two hours of less of productivity that I could have.
Well then the next six hours that I am productive, God just doubles practically. And I don’t know how he does it necessarily, but I know that he does, and he does it with your finances. He does it with anything that you give to him. He ends up. Making a whole lot more out of it than you could have ever if you were striving and whatever on your own.
And so I’m just, I try to be as dedicated as I can to offer in the first of things to God and I just encourage people to try it. I absolutely echo that 100%. the other thing you said that listeners, people don’t like this, but your friends tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear is we all have strengths.
We all have weaknesses. Most of our weaknesses are based on choice. Right. Some experience, a lot choice. And what I mean by that is this, and I’m going to use a physical analogy. If I go to the gym, we all who go to the gym, there’s exercises we love. Majority of them we just do. But then there’s always a few exercises you hate.
Yes. And you make every excuse to ignore them all amount of time. Oh, somebody is on the machine and this that. Yup. But usually the ones you hate are the ones you need to do the most. Right. So some people are physical individuals and working out. Yeah, man, I’m all for it. Some people like, you know, I don’t want to work out, but you mentioned how that was a catalyst for the other areas of your life.
Right. And people think, well, physicals one and spiritual is one, and relational is one, but no, they’re all combined. Talk about the importance. Of the just integrated, holistic being. God made us study. We are body, mind, and soul. And your soul means your mind, your will, and your emotions. So that’s kind of a fleshly part of you and your spirit is what you connect with God with, but it’s all God created it all to work together.
And so how you affect one or what affects one ends up affecting the other. If you are not keeping yourself in good shape, I promise you, your lack of discipline with your body will affect. Your spiritual disciplines. And if you get your spiritual disciplines right, that will trickle down and that will make you want to have a better physical discipline as well.
So it ends up all connecting. But I just found in the idea of discipline, and if I can get one area disciplined in my life, that usually helps me with everything else. So I found as I got my time with, when I wake up and my physical going to the gym as I got that disciplined. And as we’ve talked about earlier, doing [01:30:00] it when I didn’t feel like it, that helped me for when I needed to write a chapter in one of my books.
I didn’t feel like writing and I like, okay, I got to go down. I got to conquer this blank page. Waking up at certain times, going certain places, making that phone call, whatever it was. I learned how to conquer that feeling of not wanting to do it. By conquering it in one area of my life, because this is same fundamental, fundamental core truth.
Right. You can use any, any radiation. Yeah. That’s good. So practical. So people who are fit, it’s easy to go to the gym and force yourself to take, no, it’s not easy. You know what I mean? Right. What I’m saying is you can physically go to the gym, pick up weights, and make yourself work. Yeah. But the more effort you put in, the more results you get.
Right. But mentally, same principle, right? Yeah. Well, and a lot of getting into the gym for a lot of people is a mental thing. I mean, absolutely. It’s more conquering your mind than anything else. Yes. Cause physically doing it. But I guess the illustration I’m talking about is you can physically see your body change.
Right. But you can’t see your mind change. Sure. But we should still always be growing, mentally learning, reading, applying. So what Kyle and I are talking about the fundamental of, not feeling it, but you go to the, get up at four 30 and go to the gym for Kyle. That discipline is what he did to grow physically.
But for all of us, the same thing. Likewise, he talked about writing. He had to have that discipline to write on a schedule, and I forgot who was a famous author. Do you remember? They said if I ever waited till I felt like writing, I would never have written a page, not a book. I would never run a page. It’s so, it’s very true.
Yeah. So you just have to schedule time and make it happen. It’s big most of the time. I don’t like writing, but I love having written. Yeah. I don’t like going to the gym, but I love having worked out. Yup. The reward that you get after the effort you put in is worth all the pain and suffering that you went through in the process.
Yup. In the resources that I create, we’ll film things and record things, and sometimes that can get to be believed or not drudgery. I mean, I can think. I really do not want to put in the discipline to write out this message, to outline it, to get it down, to record it. All that goes into something. But I always love having the finished product.
Yes. And how that can be timeless and it can go out and it can reach an impact people. So the rewards are worth it. So keep your mind focused on those rewards. That’ll help you get through. All right, cow. Bring us to today. Where is Kyle today? What’s going on in your life? Well, today I am. I think, as we said, seven years in now, if Kyle Winkler ministries, it’s a media and a teaching ministry where get to do various broadcast online television, broadcast TV appearances, write books and articles, great resources like the apps all to help people live in the victory of Jesus.
I like to call myself a shame Buster and a hope dealer. Oh yeah. I just believe that whoever you are, wherever you are, God loves you and God can use you. And I want to help instill confidence in people in the same to overcome all the things that try to hold you back from being used by God. So he’s really blessed it now, and he’s using me, taking me different places, and I just praise God.
There’s nothing more. There’s nothing more rewarding to me. There’s no greater honor and privilege in my life to be able to do what God has gifted me to be able to today, and that’s to speak into people’s lives and to help them and to really redeem all of the years of suffering and pain that I went through to help somebody else out.
The Bible gives a promise. He really spoke it to Israel. I believe it can transcend time and speak to you too. He will redeem the years. And restore the years that the swarming locusts have eaten. So all the stuff that tried to keep you down and hold you back, God will restore those years if you’ll give them to him and let him do something with them, he’ll make them into something that you couldn’t even imagine.
And so really that is praise God what I’m seeing him do through my life and what I’m getting to do. We’re just, this year particularly, I’m just really doubling down on the media, online media, creating videos. We do a weekly webcast. You can get in on it, Kyle winkler.org/live where I get to preach and pray with people, and like I said, going to different churches and speaking different television programs, and so I’m just.
Just determine that I’m going to keep moving forward until God tells me to stop or change course on something. So that’s kind of kind of what’s going on in my life. [01:35:00] And then, man, all right. Now I appreciate you being here today. Absolutely. Thanks for having me. This was fun. Oh, man, dude, we just did this on normal talk on recording, right?
Yeah, that’s right. That’s right. Okay. So we went through your past. You gave a lot of great content and information for people to dig themselves out of the hole that either they’re in or they put themselves in. you’ve given them a contact. You know, all of these will be in the show notes, ways to get ahold of you, resources you’ve put together that helped you to help other people, and it will help the listener.
But how can we help you? Where are you going? Like, what’s your next goal? What’s the next thing on the, on the map for Kyle. Yeah. How can we help? You will come to my website, Kyle winkler.org check out my articles, check out my videos, and we’re gonna put some on my website to buy the perfect download, the shut up devil app.
It’s a free app. Get it iPhone or Android and stay tuned in. Connect with me on my social media. Let me know if something that I’ve said or written has impacted you. Of course. We all need encouragement and that helps me stay encouraged. But as I said earlier, there is no greater joy in my life than just to know that I’m able to speak into you.
So just having this opportunity, just you utilizing the resources, if they relate to you on some topic, really keeps me going, gives me joy, and that is my reward. So please take advantage of the resources that I offer. That is one of the greatest things you can do for me. All right. And we will do that, man.
And yeah, if you’re out there listening, content creators, speakers, authors, they put a lot of time into building these resources and the good ones care. They like Kyle, he truly cares about you. So if you can take literally 30 seconds and write a comment or shoot him an email. You have no idea what it means to Kyle and guys like us at that moment.
We get the email. We might be literally about to quit and throw in the towel, and there have been those moments in my life. There have been those days I’ve woken up and I’ve said, God, I’m going to write my resignation letter to you. If you don’t show me a sign that somebody is getting this, and that’s a threatening guy.
You’re saying, I need help. It’s just Lord, come on. Yeah. And he’s been faithful there. There will be things that just people will send in and write to me that they would never know it. It can literally be, man, that was really encouraging. Thank you. But to us at that moment, it’s kept me going, yep, it is. And think about us.
Think about your friends. Think about people work. Just look around you for opportunities to encourage. And if you’re an introvert and it’s out of your comfort zone. Man, you could do it anonymously, right? I mean, it don’t do it where they think you’re a stalker. You’re, you’re a secret. what does that mean?
Somebody follows you and they’re in love with you or whatever. Nothing like that. But man, you know, I saw your work today. It was really great attitude. Thank you. It really encouraged me to be a better person. Whatever it is, just do it. Don’t just think it. Do it. Some people that eat comes easy too. They have a gift of encouragement.
Some of you, and it’s not as easy, but please do it for not just Kyle and myself, but do it for all those around you in the circle God’s placed you in. Also, feel free to share this podcast. Feel free to share Kyle’s information. we’re not saying this just selfishly because we want to be more popular.
The more you share it, the more you hope people grow, the more you hope people grow, the more they go, the more they change the world for Christ, and they have joy and peace and so do others. So I don’t think Kyle and I are in this for the money, that’s for sure. If it was, I’d be in a different industry.
Yeah. There are much faster ways to get popular, accepted and rich than what I’m doing now. So that is not the motivation behind any of this, I promise. Exactly. This is literally ministry. We’re here because we love God. We love you. If we can help you, please write, please, you know, reach out to us. but other than that, Kyle, is there anything that’s on your heart or mind that you want to talk about that we skipped or missed?
No, I think we covered it. We, we went deeper than I’ve been able to go on most programs, Dave, so I appreciate you giving me that opportunity to really lay it out and take the time to do so. Oh man, we appreciate you and truly for the listeners out there. I thank you. You are the reason we’re doing this.
I mean, we’re doing this to help you. So hopefully it helped. If it didn’t help, if it helped you go on Apple and Google, leave me a five star review, put a quick comment in there. Taking 60 seconds max, and I appreciate it. If you can’t give this a five star review and you’re like, Dave, you’re not really helping me.
This is what I need. Shoot me an email for my website, go to the contact connect page, shoot me an email and say, Hey, dummy, do this better. This is what I need. This is what will connect, and that way we can be better. So that’s it. Thank you for being here, Kyle. You truly are a remarkable [01:40:00] man. And to all of you listening, thank you.
We love you. Have a great day and go do something with your life for Christ. The remarkable people podcast. Check it out.
the remarkable people podcast. Listen, do repeat for life.
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