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David Richman | Processing the Emotional Side of Trauma, Avoiding the SAD Wagon, & Forming Meaningful Relationships

EPISODE OVERVIEW: 

Have you heard the one about the guy who was raised by parents with a 38-year age difference between them? You know, the one that was held at gunpoint, robbed of everything, and left for dead in Las Vegas at 18?  The young man who became a single dad raising his twin children alone, lost his sister to brain cancer at an early age, but yet still managed to work his way from labor at fast food restaurants to managing hundreds of financial advisors on Wall Street. Ladies and gentlemen, all this and more on this week’s episode of the Remarkable People podcast, the David Richman story!

 

GUEST BIO: 

David is an author, public speaker, philanthropist, and endurance athlete whose mission is to form more meaningful human connections through storytelling. In his first book, Winning in the Middle of the Pack, he discussed how to get more out of ourselves than ever imagined. With Cycle of Lives, David shares the interconnected stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer.

He continues to do Ironman triathlons and a wide range of endurance athletic events, having recently completed a solo 4,700-mile bike ride. He is married, lives in Southern Nevada, and has twins who are in college.

 

FEATURED QUOTE(S): 

  • “We either mirror the past, or reflect it.” – David Richman

 

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EPISODE CORE THEMES, KEYWORDS, & MENTIONS:

Cycles of Life, forgiving yourself, forgiveness, forgive, imposter syndrome, fear, safety, catalyst, guidance, physical fitness, loneliness, Vegas, robbed at gunpoint, Wall Street, Financial Advisors, Parenting tips, fostering close relationships, Gratitude, SAD wagon, brain cancer, Dealing with Trauma, goal setting, Audible

 

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While we are very thankful for all of our guests, please understand that we do not necessarily hold, or endorse the same beliefs, views, and positions that they may have. We respectfully agree to disagree in some areas and thank God for the blessing and privilege of free will.


Full Episode Transcript

David Richman | Processing the Emotional Side of Trauma, Avoiding the SAD Wagon, & Forming Meaningful Relationships

Hello friends. I’m David Pasqualone. And welcome to this. Week’s truly remarkable episode of the remarkable people podcast, the David Richmond story.

this week, Dave’s going to talk to us about how he grew up with a dad who is more than 40 years older than his mom and whose mom was on the other side of the spectrum at 18.

What that was like growing up, the things that he. In turn and his sister in turn experienced and felt because of it, the personal [00:01:00] obstacles and restraints that were placed on him and then how he overcame it, how he went from a fast food restaurant employee being held up at gunpoint twice, losing everything he had to then.

Starting over from scratch and working from a fast food attendant to a restaurant attendant to then he got involved in real estate than mortgages than financial advising, the managing 300 people. And then more so enjoy this week’s episode. We’re going to talk about overcoming fear. We’re going to talk about.

All sorts of things to help you grow. But at the end, we’re going to talk about cycles of life, how to deal with trauma, how to adapt and overcome how to make sure we’re pressing forward and being a little bit better each day. So David [00:02:00] Richmond is a remarkable man. You’re going to hear his remarkable story and I sincerely thank you for being here.

Please enjoy this episode and like our slogan. Don’t just listen to this great story from Dave, but do it, repeat it so you can have a great life, share it with your friends and family posted on social media and whether you’re listening through your podcast player or whether you’re watching on YouTube, take notes, unless you’re.

Make sure you’re applying those notes. And if you have any questions, contact Dave and I. So I’m David Pascoe alone. I’m so glad you’re here. And now listen to this remarkable episode, the David Richmond story.

RPP E77 David Richman Episode: Hey David, how are you today, brother? Fantastic. David, thank you for having me on. I really appreciate it. Oh no. I’ve been looking forward to it. And [00:03:00] so our listeners know David’s already been super patient. Not only have we had great conversations prior to today, but he actually waited a week cause I was in the middle of moving.

So thank you for your patience, David. And then today, because everything’s set up new, it took 30 extra minutes. So David is the example of just a class act. Super kind. And you’re going to love this episode, ladies and gentlemen. So David, at this time, like our listeners know we go through the past, the present and the future.

So start off with your story. Where are you from? How did you grow up? Where did you start forming my friend. Oh boy. Okay. Well answer the back, working backwards, forwards where I start forming was when I was pretty much 18 years old and my car broke down in Vegas is where I started forming, but I grew up in Southern California [00:04:00] you know in a quiet little nice town in the San Fernando valley.

I had parents who were 40 years difference in age. Almost so when I was born, my mom was 18. Well, no, and they were married. She they were 18 and 56. So 21 and 60 when I was born. So the dynamic that I was raised in was a mom that was too young to have kids and pretty much didn’t want them. And the dad that was too old to have kids and pretty much didn’t know what to do with them.

So it was pretty much just me and my sister. You know, a little volatile childhood, but not. Terribly out of control. I’d say the biggest takeaway from my childhood was besides that dynamic of, of, of that massive amount of. Was that I had kind of had like a, a dichotomy I had on one side of me, I was pretty much take care of [00:05:00] myself.

Right. Like at eight years old, Hey, what do you want for dinner? Or what are we having for dinner? And my mom was like, whatever the heck you feel like cooking because you know, you’re on your own dude. So it was that, but then the other side of it was without any mentorship or guidance or kind of, you know, like an environment that taught me anything, I pretty much was very, very unaware of the world.

And so when I set out on 18 at 18, I had one skill set was I knew how to take care of myself. The other skill set was I had no idea what the world was going to put in front of me for me to handle. So it was those two things that kinda help for me. You know, starting when I was, you know, a teenager now to go.

We have listeners from all over the world, all different cultures. And from what I understand, and most cultures, that’s a huge age gap between your mom and [00:06:00] dad. What kind of things did you experience as a child and how did you learn to just adapt? Because, you know, I remember we had friends who had older dads and they got picked on a lot, you know, did you experience that?

Or every pretty excited. Yeah, no, I definitely experienced that. And I was I was not, I was not equipped to handle it. My sister and I kind of lived in constant fear of, is my mom going to be really angry today for no reason? Or is she going to be happy today for no reason? She, you know, she was really a really volatile person.

And you never knew from one day to the next, if the same thing you did was going to elicit a positive response or. The response or we’re kind of always walking on, on eggshells. So that was the hidden thing. The more visible thing was, you know, I mean, listen, I can’t tell you how many times people assume that I was being toted around by my [00:07:00] grandfather, not my dad.

You know, if I visited in the hospital, they like, oh, you’re going to see your grandfather. No, that’s my dad. So it was a situation that was really weird. Very self-contained, you know, for me to deal with because who am I going to talk to about it? Well, other than my sister. Right. And yeah, so I was not the most calm, accepting, understanding, you know, kind of grounded kid.

I was on the one side, you know, living in fear and the other side living in embarrassment. Yeah. And you know, what’s funny, you said that like kind of angry that two kids that I can think of specifically growing up with an older dad. They were very angry. Like there’s just some kind of frustration. So let me ask you a question when you’re a child, you know, like you said there, you don’t see, you need somebody to teach you these coping skills.

If we have listeners now that are in that situation, they’re still young and they’re still struggling with [00:08:00] it. What tips would you give them looking back that could help them adjust through this? That’s a great question. And the prob the problem with the answer is that when people tell you how to think or how to put things into perspective, it’s, it’s usually really hard for you to apply to yourself.

Right? I can look back and go, geez, David, you know what? You should have been a little more patient. You should have been a little bit more understanding that perhaps he was trying to do the best he could do. Maybe he was a little diminished capacity, or maybe he just does. Wasn’t a good communicator or didn’t know how to communicate with somebody 40 years, his junior.

But when you’re living it, it’s really hard. I, I think that the most important thing that I can, I can say is just try to be as patient and aware as possible, and just be as in tune with your own emotions and forgive [00:09:00] yourself for not being perfect and kind of try to forgive the other person for not being perfect along the way.

If I could go back and say something to myself when I was, you know, 15, 16 years old. And I, I never once talked back to either parent, like I, I, I was. You know, th that was not an environment that would have been allowed, but but I certainly wasn’t open and friendly and, and accepting. And if I, if I could sit back and say to myself, which would be answering your question about what I say to others, I would say, just be patient.

I realize that they’re probably trying to do the best they can do. And you are you trying, the best you can do, are you, are you really giving yourself the best shot to make the best out of the situation? Or you walk around with a chip on your shoulder, close minded and expecting things to be perfect, you know, just laid out for you or don’t, you have to take a part in that.

And, and my part in that would have been to try to be harder or try harder rather to, to be patient, to be [00:10:00] forgiving, to maybe understand, ask questions to me, you push boundaries a little bit. Right. You know, those are the things that I probably would have done. Yeah. That’s excellent advice. And then you said, To be forgiving to them and understanding, but also to yourself, you know, it’s not a natural situation.

So if you’re a little frustrated at times, that’s natural, you accept it and you overcome, adapt and overcome. Right. Well, okay. So you go through your childhood, you go through your teen years and we got to your 18 and in Vegas, before we pick up this story there, is there anything else significant that you want to share with our community about the past things you learn, things you grew from, or, you know, something that changed your life or even influenced you to this day?

Yep. Prior to that time period, I’d say no, I, I mean, I I’d say that the thing that influenced me the most was again, that dichotomy of, you know, really just being on your own and number two [00:11:00] You know, kinda, you know not being aware of what what’s going on and the only pie, the only other dynamic that really affected who I grew up as a kid, as an adult is as a kid, I think because I was so always in fear of what was going to happen with my mom from day to day.

And because I was keenly aware of what was, what was happening with my dad and how old he was and how that affected me. So I was very, you know, aware of that is that I, I probably developed really good skills of observation, and I feel like you can’t be come aware just because you decide to be right.

Some, some people are aware and some people aren’t aware. And I, and, and I, I was keenly aware and observant of others at a, at a pretty high level. Also David. I was pretty much [00:12:00] unaware of myself at that time, just because I didn’t have anybody giving me the direction or the understanding of how I should fit into the world and how I sit, interact with the world and kind of what the logical steps of progression ours you get as you’re going through, you know, like there wasn’t a religion there wasn’t schooling there wasn’t mentorship.

There wasn’t any of that. So I’d say that as I was keenly aware of others, I was probably just as as unaware of myself. Okay. So now you’re at 18. I mean, who’s not confused at 18, right? Growing up male or female and trying to find your place in the world. So what brought you to Vegas and what happens from there?

It’s kind of a funny story. And I don’t know, I tell it to some people and they’re kind of fascinated and other people are like, wow, that’s a, that’s a nice tail you just made up, but it’s, it’s really not. And it’s just funny because I look [00:13:00] back on it, David, and it’s like another person, but I had didn’t know.

Applying to colleges and all of this kind of stuff. Like I said, it didn’t have any direction. I just somehow figured out that I got applied for colleges and I had already graduated high school. And so I got accepted to all these colleges and I said, well, I’m going to get on my car and I’m gonna, I’m gonna drive around and see, you know, if I can make it at any one of these colleges I get in my car.

And it literally breaks down in Vegas. And yeah, I know, right. It’s like out of a movie, but it gets kind of worse in that it broke down. I, I stayed at a hotel that night. I I’m complaining to the per person. Like, I don’t know anything here. W where’s the shop that could fix my car or whatever. And the guy’s like, I’m a mechanic.

You can follow me home in the morning and I’ll fix your car. So I did, I followed him home and he and his wife and kids were really sweet while he fixed my car and [00:14:00] I get on the Boulder. Heading to the grand canyon on my car of catch some fire and blows up. Right. No, not, not so great. So long story short, I didn’t know what to do.

I didn’t have anybody to call. I didn’t, I, you know, I was just kind of stuck on the side of the road. I ended up staying, I walked over to the Chevron across the street. I ended up staying with a guy that worked at the Chevron for a couple of days. He invited me in to stay with him and his family.

Unfortunately him and his and family included a bunch of bad characters. And within a couple of days, I was robbed at gunpoint of everything that I owned. So I escaped that house by running out of the window, literally and found myself, you know, kind of homeless with no money and nobody to call and nothing to do.

And really starting from really starting from scratch. Like I was, I was pretty desperate to for, for, [00:15:00] for a bit. And yeah, that was a big awakening for sure. So yeah, robbed, I love to say left at 18 is an innocent little kid and about three or four days later, I’d already been robbed at gunpoint of everything that I owned and nobody to call and didn’t know where to go.

So you just got to figure it out when you got to figure it out, right? Yeah, man. So what was your next step at that point? Like how did you, you were at base, you were at the bottom, so to speak. I mean, we can always go lower, but you were at a bottom. So how did you build from there? What was the next step in your life?

You know, I called my sister, maybe made sure she knew I was okay. Cause I left kind of under not so great circumstances at home. And I literally walked into a Jack in the box. I’ve worked there, you know, in high school and I walked into the Jack in the box and I said to the manager. You know, I’m, [00:16:00] I’m from LA my car broke down.

I got nowhere to go. I got no money. I got no job. I got you. She goes, well, what do you have? And I go, I got the name of my, a manager that managed me a couple of years ago when I was in high school, give them a call and make, you know, see if I’m a good guy. And she did. And he said, I was, and so I got a job and just took it from there.

And it was a one tiny little step forward, maybe every once in a while, a couple of steps backwards. I, like I said, I was pretty unaware, so it was easy to take advantage of me. And I didn’t really have any, I didn’t not, didn’t really have, I didn’t have anybody looking out for me or any buddy I could call or anybody I could go to for advice.

So I made a lot of, kind of really stupid decisions early on about where to live and got to get robbed again at gunpoint, you know, cause I was living in a bad area and it was just like one bad. The situation after another. But like I said, from when I was a kid, I was kind of used to relying on [00:17:00] myself. So I just figured out how to get from like one day to the next.

And after the restaurant, I went to work at a hotel and after the hotel, I went to work at a, at a, at a, at a real restaurant and I just kind of started building my life from there. That’s fantastic. And I’m sitting here smiling, not because of your misfortune back then, but because you literally had like a blank slate and you’re failing your way to success.

And now we’re here today. So thank you for sharing David. And that’s awesome that not that you had to go through that, but that it made you so strong. So you’re going through. Now, like you said to a real restaurant for our listeners all over the world in America, we have fast food type restaurants and it’s drive through your grab stuff quick, like maybe McDonald’s or burger king, you know, restaurants might be more international.

And then I assume, Dave, what you’re saying is when you say a real restaurant, a sit down formal dining [00:18:00] experience. Yeah. So it’s kind of funny again, you know, I look back and I, and I, you know, when, when you’re doing something, you don’t realize you’re doing it, but when you reflect on it in the, in the background, you go, okay, that’s what, what was going on.

So, because I was so like, afraid that the next bad decision was going to put me in front of a gun or the next, like, if I don’t, if I don’t, if I don’t work harder than the next person, I’m going to lose this job that I need to buy food or whatever, I just worked like, literally as hard as you could imagine, I was as ethical and hardworking first person there, last person leave, never complained, never took a break.

You know, always did whatever they, people expected of me. And those were good things and bad things came, came from that. But it just, that allowed me to constantly. Kind of get a better position, a better job. So I worked at a, at a real, like a sit-down restaurant, right. And then became a manager right away and then became what was [00:19:00] called a new store opener.

So I was flown around the country, opening up new stores and I just kind of like grew, you know, at each step that I took, I just had to work harder than everybody. It felt like I had to work harder than everybody. And you know, one opportunity led to another, to another to another because I was just like so afraid of the next bad thing that was happening, that I just constantly stayed, stayed, you know, on the run as it was from, from anything, from anything bad.

Does that make sense? A lot of people have a terrible work ethic and they, like, I got a job here, so I’m gonna perform at this level. But what you’re saying is how I feel like should be, you know, do all things. Isn’t the Lord, not unto men. Now you are doing it motivation of survival and fear, but it gave you a killer work ethic.

So whether you were at a fast food restaurant, cleaning toilets, whether you were training people at new restaurant chains, you’re always giving a hundred [00:20:00] percent. And because of that, you went bird and grew and you just kept growing and rising in the corporate ladder, so to speak. So that’s incredible.

Now, when that was going on, you’re now training for a chain you’re flying all over the place, opening new restaurants, which is hard work. It’s like 80 hours plus. Oh, for sure. He’s easy. He’s back then easy. And I was sometimes working two jobs at the same time. So I was putting in at times a hundred, 110 hours a week.

Yeah. So baby, maybe sleeping six hours a night if you’re lucky. Yeah. The restaurant industry is tough, so, okay. So now where do you go from there? You’re, you’re killing it and kind of killing yourself, but where do you go from that next step? So I kind of moved from one management position in the, in the service industry to another management position in the service industry.

And then somebody saw that, Hey, you know what, you’re a bright kid. [00:21:00] I was still a kid at that point. Right. You’re you’re a bright kid. You’re a hard worker. Maybe you should quote unquote, go into business. So business for me was a very short stint in real estate, which led to something that was really natural to me, which was doing loans.

So I did, I did real estate loans. I was very good at math and very, you know, big hustler. Good, good at talking to people. And so I did real estate loans for a number of years and then that five or seven years. And then that led to me becoming a financial advisor. Which for a major wall street firm, which then led me to become a manager for that same firm.

And I kind of had that same like work ethic that seemed like, oh, I can’t, I can’t, I go backwards. I got to keep working hard. And because of, of all of that background, I had to work, I thought harder than everybody else, which gave me more opportunity. And eventually I’m [00:22:00] running a $120 million in revenue business for a major wall street firm.

So so I kind of went from zero to that over about a 15 year period and you know, with no formal education uh, you know, past high school. And you know, so that was, that was kind of the progression. Yeah. So when you’re going on that college trip, you didn’t go to like UNL V or any school.

You were just in a school of heart and rocks and real life. Yeah. You know, I mean, there’s a positive and the negatives to that, I certainly regret the fact that I wasn’t able to get a formal education and it certainly helped me to direct my kids to go down that direction. Cause I felt like it would give them, you know, a better base than, you know, you don’t, you want better for your kids and you want, then, then you had for yourself.

And I certainly want wouldn’t want them to have the hard knocks, but also, you know, I wanted them to not have that chip on their shoulder at every step. Like I gotta do [00:23:00] better than everybody else. I gotta be, you know, I got to work hard. I gotta hustle. I got to do this for the wrong reasons that, you know, like I did it out of fear and out of like this imposter syndrome, You know, somebody’s going to find out that I don’t belong in this room.

You know, someone’s going to find out that I’m running this a hundred million dollar plus business, you know, they’re going to find out I’m the only guy in the room without an education. And there, there you go. They’re gonna, they’re gonna, you know, shine the light on me and I’m done. Everybody knew, but that’s just the way I thought.

And so, you know, there was good and bad to not having a formal education. You know, we could, and I’m sure all of your listeners, you could talk endlessly just about those dynamics. Like, is it better to have you know, the lessons taught to you is, or better to learn them? You know, there’s, there’s, I’ll take both sides of that coin.

Yeah. And I think I always be some people watching this podcast. Some people are listening, but I always picture like a gauge almost like a fuel gauge, but it’s [00:24:00] not empty, you know, middle and fall. It’s like the middle’s balanced. And if you go too little or too much in either direction, It’s crazy. You know what I mean?

It’s you have to find that balance. That’s our gear, that’s our goal, you know, and sometimes we’re a little off on each side. Sometimes we’re a lot off, but what you’re saying is, you know, if you had the best education in the world, but no practical experience, it’s useless. And if you have all the street sense and practical experience, but you don’t have that kind of wisdom and insight of the big picture, how the global market works, it’s going to limit you.

So finding that balance is interesting and it’s great that you help teach your kids like, Hey, yeah, I was able to succeed the hard way, but why don’t you try a little bit more, you know, the educational way is that, is that kinda what you were thinking? Oh, it’s absolutely. And, and, you know, I didn’t know it at the time, but I think that it was really a blessing having [00:25:00] kind of a, such a, such a childhood where I was in fear, you know, ha with one parent and, and embarrassed by the other and with no direction and, and the good side of that experience, again, not knowing it at the time was that it really gave me some perspective on what I thought was important in raising my kids.

And I think that that number one, most important thing I wanted to do was to give them the one thing I never had, which was safety. Right. The second most important thing I wanted to do was give them the one thing I never had, which was some guidance and some, you know, not talking at them about advice, but talking with them and teaching them, you know, from a, from a, from a guiding mentoring, you know, caring point of view, trying to give them some insight as to why they should.

Have certain decision-making processes and why they should, you know, kind of think about things in a different way, because I never had that. I, you know, so I think one of the, one of the great [00:26:00] things is that if you’re lucky enough to come through bad situations the better is that you can use those and apply those.

And I kind of always go back to this thing of, especially when it comes to parents, when it comes to business, those types of things is that we can either mirror. What what, what happened to us or we can reflect and be the opposite. And for, for me, you know, I think the bad times that I’ve had have been really helpful to me, because I’ve just chosen, who knows how or why, but I’ve just chosen to use the bad experiences, not as, as, as, as a way to, you know, mirror what I do, but as a way to look at back and reflection and go, no I’m going to do the opposite.

And so that’s really helped in a lot of ways, it’s helped me and it’s helped me help my relationships. That helped me be a better leader. It helped me in my interpersonal relationships. [00:27:00] Most of the time I asked you a question because we have parents listening and we have teens listening and everybody in between, not all on the spectrum, right.

I’ve observed that a lot of times when there’s men and women who don’t have that safety and that guidance and that love and the home, they flood their kids with it. And they’re like, man, you know, I want to give them all of the stuff I didn’t have. And then a lot of times raising the kids, they’re almost like that enough or, you know, mom enough, like, you know, it’s like they don’t want what you starve for.

They get so much of, they kind of reject it. Did you experience that raising your teens or did you find that balance. I think I had the balance. And part of, part of that David was because I had made a horrible choice in their mother to make a super long story short. I basically married my [00:28:00] mother, right.

I married somebody who was exactly like my mom, completely volatile. Couldn’t figure out from day to day, what was going on. Not a good person. And when I finally kind of put two and two together and figured out, wait a second, I married somebody who was just like my mom, so that I could try to fix it and make, make it all better.

Then I realized, holy cow, you’re in a bad situation. So I had like the extra motivation to make sure that I did the opposite of what she was going to do. You know, I took, I got me and my kids out of a, really a bad and potentially very dangerous situation when they were very young just four years old.

And I think that. That giving them a safe place to be themselves and giving them some grounded, you know, really thoughtful perspective, love and attention was something that I had craved for and something I felt honored to be able to give my kids. [00:29:00] And we are very, very close. They’re 23 years old. We’re, we’re very close.

We talk all the time. We have a great open. Wonderful relationship. And you know, I think it’s only because I’m safe to be myself around them and they’re safe to be themselves around me. And that’s the number one most important dynamic is neither, neither, neither one of us are perfect. We’re all good.

We’re all gonna make mistakes sometimes continually, but we’re safe to figure it all out and we’re safe to make a mistake and we’re safe to take risks and we’re safe to fail and it’s okay to be us. And, and we love each other. And, and you know, there’s no, there’s no judgment. There’s no fear in, you know, installed.

And so that’s just, it’s just the way I’ve chosen to do it because I never had that. None of the parents listening who wanted to be close with their kids, especially in the teenage years where they tend to push and find themselves with sometimes push away. What [00:30:00] tips. And what advice would you give the parents listening that you saw work to keep that close relationship with your child?

I would say two things that are, I think the most important is one. Predictability. I think that if you, as a child, don’t know if something is going to make your parent happy or angry, or you have no reason why they have some kind of reaction when they didn’t have that same reaction and the same type of circumstances.

That’s just that, that creates so much turmoil for a kid. And I, you know, it’s like, you know how, like when you see somebody at a pool, David, and they got kids running around and they say to the kids stop running and the kid keeps trying and stop running, stop running, stop running. And then all of a sudden they grabbed the kid by the arm and go, did you not hear me stop running?

Well, why don’t you. At the first time, why’d you wait until the eight time you said it, like they don’t know, they don’t, kids don’t know how to process that. So [00:31:00] I was really, really clear about yes. Means yes. Always no means. No, always. I’m always going to be giving you the best opportunity to know how I’m going to react so that, you know, what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable both ways.

Right? So just this predictability of your reaction to your kids. If you have a rough day, don’t come home and take it out on your kids. If you have a great day, don’t like shower your kids with, with, with this like fake, like happiness, just, just be, just be real and let, let them understand how, how to, you know, how to, how to predict what you’re going to do, because they’re looking up to you at every moment.

That’s one. And then, and I’m not trying to be preachy. I’m just saying what, what works for me? And number two is that I think kids are going through turmoil a lot more often than we know of. And. I don’t know if they always know when it’s safe to talk to you. And so I kind of had this [00:32:00] exercise where at, at dinner, we always had dinner every single night.

We had a dinner with no TV, no phones, no tablets, no computers, no anything. And we sat down and we just talked and I asked them, I said, you, you, you don’t have to answer, but if you want to answer, I want to know the best day, the best thing that happened to you today, the worst thing that happened to you today, in any questions you want to ask them, right?

This is a safe place. So just tell me what was the best thing. What was the worst thing? And any question you want to ask? You’re good to ask it because I could never ask the question. Are you kidding me? There’s no way I could ask my parents questions. No way. Yeah. Wow. That’s fantastic. So now you went on this high speed, 18 to 33 that 16 years or 15 years.

Did you have your children during that time as well? Or was it after that? No, it was right at, right at that point. Right, right at about 33, 34 years old. Okay. So you kind of [00:33:00] laid your professional financial base and then around that 33 years old that’s when you met your ex-wife now. Yep. And you had two twin, I guess twins, twins.

Oh, nice. That’s awesome. Yeah. Yeah, it was awesome. And then yeah, so then when they were four just before they were five, so I was about 38 or 39. That’s when you know, I was in like I said, a pretty, it was a pretty dangerous situation for us with, with, with her. And so I had to get them out of there.

So, so that the three of us got out and that’s really, really one of my life changed because one of the things that we haven’t talked about and that is probably the most impactful realization of my life beyond those other ones that I think are important. Is that because of everything I’ve told you already?

I was. Really, really good [00:34:00] at trying to make other people happy. I was really good at trying to be the better employee so I could get a good job or work harder than everybody else so that they would look at me a certain way so that I wouldn’t have bad things or whatever. And so every relationship that I entered work business, whatever, all I was worried about was was the way other people.

Reacted to me or how they would view me or what they, what I thought they expected of me. And the last thing that I was aware of, the last thing I ever did was go, okay, what’s going to make you happy. Right? What, what do you need to do for you? What’s the best thing for you? And I never did any of that until literally a couple of days after getting me and my kids to safety.

I just looked in the mirror and started asking myself that question, like, dude, who are you? And what are you doing? Like w like, w like, why aren’t you at [00:35:00] all aware of yourself? Like, why, you know, who are you and what do you want out of life? And I never had even contemplated the question, let alone, you know, even.

Step towards answering it. And so that was, that was really probably the pivotable, pivotal time in my life was that, that couple of days after getting us out and just sitting there and realizing, man, you, you got to start, you’ve got to start thinking about yourself first. Yeah. And explain that there’s so many people, I, myself, for years I made the sacrifices, right.

Thought I was doing the right thing. And there’s so many people who are like, oh, if you put yourself first, you’re wrong. Explain to people the balance and the importance of putting yourself first, because a lot of people hear that in shutdown there they’re actually ignorant. If you’re listening to this and you think putting yourself first is wrong.

I mean, obviously you have God, but what David’s saying, he’s going to [00:36:00] explain you are next in the line or you’re in big trouble. And so is the rest of your family. They have go ahead and explain why. Well, thanks, David. And I, and look, I, again, I, I don’t want to try to sound preachy, right? I’m just trying to relay my experience.

I love when other people relay their experiences to me. Right. That’s how, that’s how we learn. And I, and when I, when I got that, when, when that light flicked on w what did, what it did, was it changed everything from. Instead of feeling compelled to do something, instead of feeling like I had to do something, I started saying, just choose the things that you want to do and you get to do them.

So I’m not saying put myself first. I don’t think about anybody else, but honestly, my, my brain just changed and I said, oh, I get to go to work. I get to work harder. I get to be responsible for all of this stuff. If I’ve got to make tough decisions at work, I get to that’s. That’s like a good thing.

[00:37:00] Right. I get to cook my kids dinner. I, if I got to wait in line to, to, to, to do something that’s for somebody else, I get to do that. Right. And so I think that that doing the things that you want, and I don’t mean being selfish. I’m just saying, do the thing. That bring you joy that bring you happiness, that bring you peace, that bring you a sense of purpose those things first, because they’re real.

And that allow you to be present in the moment. And honestly, there isn’t anything more rewarding than doing things for other people, but when you’re doing them, because you think it’s what they want you to do. That’s nowhere near as rewarding as because you’re doing it for them because that’s what you want to do.

That’s a, that’s a real, subtle thing, but it’s a major, major thing because I ended up realizing I had no idea who I was, what I wanted out of life, what I was all about, because I never took the perspective of the [00:38:00] guy in the mirror. Like I never said, what is important to you? And when I put the things that were important to me first, which was a lot of giving to other people, then it was just like, oh my God, I’m finally grounded.

I’m finally aware I’m finally living a meaningful life. Right? And that, that was a real turning point. Yeah, and I don’t want to put words in your mouth, but when you take care of yourself, it feels totally different than the daily grind. So now you have that energy to take care of others. It’s not wearing you out.

It’s like now you have the heart and the ability and the resources and the energy, I mean, is that’s how I feel is that how you feel? Oh, no doubt. And I’ll give you that. I’ll give you the real life answer to that. For me was at that point I was overweight. I was a smoker. I thrived on stress. Right? I like the more stress I had the better it was because that was turmoil.

I had to figure out a way to get out of it. And I was used to relying on myself to get out of [00:39:00] turmoil. Right. It was okay if I might made a bad decision or bad things happen cause I could fix it. Right. And it was just all this stress and turmoil and hard work and smoking and overeating and just, I was unathletic.

I was just like completely like on aware of myself and taking care of myself and being healthy and having energy and having, you know, striving for things from a positive standpoint rather than a, oh my God. I can’t let the bad stuff catch up to me. And so. Literally David, I’m not saying it figuratively.

I literally stood in front of that mirror at that particular time. Also enhanced by, by hearing some bad news about my sister that I literally said, who do you want to be? And the first thing I said is I want to be healthy. I want to, I want to be around for my kids. I want to live longer. I don’t want to be unhealthy.

And I got to stop eating so much. I got to stop smoking. I got to reduce the stress. I got to start living for the things [00:40:00] that make me happy. I got to make myself proud instead of other people proud and I just dropped it and I dropped all of the negative stuff that I could possibly drop. And I went for a run and that was literally the start of changing my life.

Like I went for a run. Awesome. Literally you took the.

I see, literally I took the first step. I tried to run two minutes at a very, very slow jog and I couldn’t do it any lasted about, yeah, I lasted about a minute and a half. I couldn’t, I lasted about 90 seconds at what would be been a fast walk at this point, but just a super slow jog. And I couldn’t last two minutes and I went, wow, you’re 38, 39 years old.

I think I was 39 years old. And you can’t even run for two minutes at a slow pace. What the hell have you done to yourself? And I just hadn’t become aware of it [00:41:00] until I was aware of it at that moment. And then I said, no, you got to change this. And then, you know, I just started doing more and more and more and seeing what I was capable of because if I started doing something for myself and I could accomplish as much.

As when I was trying to do things for other people’s approval, then wow, wow. What could I, what could I get out of this life? And, and that was the start of kind of that, that, you know, journey. Yeah. And before we go on, just to wrap up these topics from this point with a bow, so to speak, and then you can add an anything else.

Number one, you love God, you love other people. That’s our role, but in. To be well and to serve other people you need to be well. So exactly what David says is we need to take care of ourselves and it’s not selfishness. It’s smart. And then with the other thing is, I love that. You’re honest about I ran. I felt like crap after a minute, but you kept [00:42:00] running maybe the first days a minute, maybe the next day is 30 minutes, 30 seconds.

Maybe the next day is a minute and a half. Then two minutes, then three minutes. Don’t get discouraged. Cause if you show up to the gym and do five minutes, or you do five, don’t do five hours, but five minutes or an hour, you’re better than you were when you walked in. So if you’re listening to this, like Dave did just do it.

Just take that first step, just make action and do a little bit each day. Just how can you be better today? How can I be better today and just keep going? And it, is that how you felt? Is that how you thought? How did you keep the motivation. Yeah. You know, that’s so funny though. Cause I’ll tell you the mantra.

That’s driven me along the last 20 years of doing endurance events and kind of pushing myself in ways, way outside of endurance athletics. And, and I’ve done, you know, insane amounts of endurance athletics since then. No, if you want, hold on before you say this, we were jumping cause you and I have talked and I know where you’re at [00:43:00] today, but at this point the listener is like he’s 38, 39 years old can barely run.

And now you’re talking about endurance. You want to fill us, fill us in with the story of how you got there. So do the mantra and then get us to where you, okay. So while the mantra happened, right at the beginning of this kind of awakening of, I got to take care of myself, right? I got to put myself first.

And again, I’m not saying in a selfish way, I’m not saying turning away from the things that are important to you. The people that are important to you, your responsibilities, not those types of things, but just saying, coming from a place of this is what I’m choosing to do for me because right. Look, David, we don’t get any minute back ever again.

Right? So every minute that you choose to do something I learned is, is that is a minute to choose not to do a hundred other. Right. So if you’re going to choose to do something in that minute, which you’re never going to get back, make sure that’s the thing that is most important. Right. And if that’s doing charitable work, [00:44:00] if that’s raising money for others, that’s caring for others.

Great. You know, that’s, those are blessings that we all hope that we get to do, right? So I’m not saying be selfish, but when, when, when I started saying I gotta do for myself, I, I had a hunger cause I had, I had never tasted food off of that plate before. And so when I, when I said, oh my gosh, what are you capable of?

If you care about what you’re doing, rather than caring about what other people think about what you’re doing, what could you do? So I started doing this thing, right? So I ran like two minutes, couldn’t do it. Then I ran a mile. Then I ran three miles and a couple of weeks later I ran five miles and I’m just like, oh, this is pretty cool.

So the next thing I did, David was most ridiculous thing ever. I entered a 87 mile rollerblading. Imagine that that’s huge. It’s a guy who literally I’m so uncoordinated. It’s not funny, but I’m on roller blades doing an 87 mile [00:45:00] race from Athens, Georgia to Atlanta, Georgia, which is not that far from where you’re at right now.

And it’s called the, it had been around for decades. And I said, I’m going to do something stupid. I’m going to, I’m going to do this race. And where my mantra came from was during this race. I had no business being there. I was a least athletic guy there by far the least coordinated by far. I had no business being there.

Okay. And about I don’t mean about 30 miles in to this 87 mile race. I was as depleted as anybody could ever be. Who’s in that position, like literally a hundred, a hundred yards in front of the sag wagon. The sag wagon is some like van that comes and picks up stragglers that can’t make it so they can get them to the finish line in the van.

Cause they can’t go under their own power. Alright, and I, I want to avoid the sag wagon, but I’m as depleted as I can be. And I, and I’m leaning over it’s hot. I’m sweating like crazy. I’m completely done. And this [00:46:00] line from my sweat is on the road beneath me. Right, David. And I’m leaned over my knees and I’m breathing like hell.

And I’m seeing this, this sag wagon behind me and this mountain ahead of me. And I see this line and I just said to myself, I go, dude, you got two choices, right? You could turn around and go meet the sag wagon and have it take you across. And then there you go. That line, that sweat line that you see right there, that’s that’s, as far as you’ll ever go you’ll know everything about yourself.

Like I said, you found your limit or you could take one step further, just go one step beyond that line and you learn something new about yourself and another. And another step and another step. And then I was like, wow, what can I find out about myself? And every step I kept thinking, every time I moved, either leg was something new.

I found something new out about myself. I had a limit that I had no idea I could achieve, and I did make it to the finish. Right ahead of the sag wagon at, you know, 50, [00:47:00] 50 odd miles later and probably another six hours later, but I figured out a way to do it and I just went, oh my God, if you can do that, what the heck is next?

And I said, oh, well, maybe I could do this. And maybe I could do that. Maybe I could do that. And I just said, man, as long as I am looking forward, take get going. I got a higher limit. I got an, I got another way to push myself because I’m doing it for me, which is all how the better, right? How far can I push myself?

It’s like every time I push myself to new level, I learned something new about myself. That is very it’s like, it’s like a, it’s like a drug it’s. This is just, it’s awesome, right. To find out what you’re capable of. And, and again, not just things I do for myself, but things I do for other people as well, something new, something that pushed you beyond your limits.

And instead of saying, that’s the most I can do, or that’s the most I can give, just do a little bit more, give a little bit more, you learn something new about yourself. And that [00:48:00] is a very addictive thing, especially if it’s a positive thing. Yeah. And that’s so amazing that you had those thoughts at that moment, cause that literally can change your life.

I mean, I’ve seen men come to that crossroad and choose poorly, and then they referred back in the future to that failure moment instead of that moment of success. So while you were thinking, man, if I could do that, what else can. We can also get stuck where it’s like, oh, I failed. Then I’m going to fail again.

And that’s just a lie from the devil. So you’re inspirational, man. And it’s so powerful. And you actually remind me of my wrestling coach from high school, he would say to us, he’s like, it’s proof. And I don’t know if this don’t go kill. I don’t want anybody to get sick. I don’t want make killing themselves, but he would always tell us on the wrestling team.

He’s like, it’s scientifically proven that when you think you can’t give any more, you’ve got 10 times [00:49:00] that it’s like, I just want five. And we had a great team, but like, that’s what you’re saying. And you’re like, I thought I was going to die at 30 miles. You are 300 eighties. Nothing. Right? Yeah, absolutely.

And it’s so funny that you said that. Let me give you a real life story. Okay. I worked for a major wall street firm. We hired a bunch of financial advisors every year and every year. The, the same percentage of financial advisors failed and the same percentage succeeded, no matter how we change the.

Programs give more time, give less time, get more intense training, less intense training. You name it as the same percentage, right? Nobody could come in and do anything different. Some dude came in and he said, you know what? We’ll do. I got an idea. Why don’t we just double the goals? Right. We’ll just set the, let’s just set the bar higher and see what happens.

And guess what the same percentage of people fat pass and failed. But the ones that passed, passed at a much higher level, right. I really believe David, that we [00:50:00] do, we are wired to set lower goals because we don’t want to fail. Well, I got an idea why don’t we set our goals much, much, much higher, because you’re likely not to fail as long as you write.

If you rely on yourself, like you, you, you, you are giving everything that you can, you know, instead of saying, I’m going to lose five pounds this month. Right. Cause you’re on a dine-in, you know, you, you, you, you gotta get healthier. Why don’t you just say something like, I’m going to get to a certain weight.

I’m going to stay there for the rest of my life. Right? That’s a, that’s a goal, right? That’s a real goal. And if you set a goal, that’s super crazy high, you might just get it right. You might just get it. And if you fall short, you’re still an amazing place. Right. And so. So I, I, I just constantly set these look.

I wasn’t overweight, stressed out smoker. Okay. Four years later, I was in a position where I felt that if, [00:51:00] what would make me athletic is if I can wake up one day with no specific training and with no plan the night before to have to say, I can wake up tomorrow and whatever day tomorrow is, and go run 50 miles, that would make it so that I’ve achieved a pretty high freaking goal.

And yep, I did. I did it. I woke up and I said, today’s the day I’m going to go run 50 miles. And I ran 50 miles, 50 miles straight. And it’s like, that’s coming from a dude who never did anything. Athletic as an adult was a smoker, was sedentary was stressed out, would never take fricking 10 or 12 hours for themselves, right.

To, to accomplish some personal goal, no way would I ever have done that? And I just said, yeah, you know what? I want to be the kind of guy that could wake up one day on no training and go run 50 miles. I mean, that, that permeated into so many more things than just the numbers of running 50 miles. It was like taking time for myself doing something healthy, hitting a goal.

[00:52:00] That was absolutely, I couldn’t have even verbalized a goal like that a few years before having self-reliance. I mean, I could keep going on and on and on about all the things that, that allowed me to experience, but it was this whole, like just set a goal that’s ridiculously high because you might get.

Yeah. And that’s incredible for American listeners. What David did is basically run almost two marathons. And you know, if you go by kilometers, I mean that’s 150, roughly 170 kilometers. Right. I mean, that’s just incredible. So, all right, man. So you’re running and you’re got to this level of fitness walk on fitness, you know, you’re, you’re just training every day.

It’s you’re in peak shape. What are you learning? Where are you going? What’s your professional life, your family life what’s going on now. So I [00:53:00] mentioned to you a while ago that during the time when I kinda stood up in the mirror and said, Hey, who do you want to be? Part of the inspiration for that was that at that same time, my sister had told me that.

Diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. And it hit me particularly hard because I felt like I wasn’t successful in my personal life. I mean, I was, you know, I was in a failed marriage. I had two kids that are wonderful kids, so I was successful in that way. But really, I, I felt like in my personal life, I was always struggling to kind of get to where I needed to be rather than I was at where I wanted to be.

I didn’t even know where I want it to be, but I, I think I kind of made that point clear, but my sister on the other hand she’s had know wonderful marriage. She has two young kids. She’s great friends, great family. She’s got great careers. She’s just living her best life. And from where we came from his kids.

[00:54:00] I really respected that. And I admired that and I was so happy for her about that. And then when she told me that she was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, my first thought was, oh my gosh. I mean, look how far you’ve come. And now this is all going to be taken away. And that made me, you know, gave me another point of reflection for, you know here, here we are.

You’re just embarking. You just literally became aware that you should be caring about yourself. Your sister, on the other hand, at this point is, has gotten her to a place where she’s done that and unbelievably successfully, and your paths from here forward are going to be very different. And it really motivated me in a different way.

And so I really tried to become, you know, a better parent, a better employee, a better leader, a better manager, more fit, you know, more just, just taking control of who I wanted to be in life because it just was another. Piece of [00:55:00] evidence that said, Hey, you, you gotta start living for yourself. You’ve got to make yourself happy.

You got to do whatever. And so her and I had a ton of conversations. We, you know, business w was whether it was my personal life, you know, was what it was. It was all, all of it was getting better or at least becoming more focused and grounded properly. Which probably gave me the ability to relate to my sister as she was going through and the life issues at a, at a better way.

And just so I know where you guys physically geographically close, or were you distant at this point? Like, was she in another state city? We were a close geographically, only a few miles away from each other, but we were also not always close in proximity because a part of me didn’t want to impose on her, her life.

She’s living this [00:56:00] great life. Her and I had good conversations. We have good relationship, but sometimes we go a while without seeing each other, talking to each other, just because, you know, people live their own lives. And my life was filled with a lot of stress and turmoil. Hers was filled with a lot of comfort and happiness and fulfillment, and I didn’t want.

Kind of take away from that a little bit, or I didn’t want to impose on her, my, my stresses and my negativity and the things that were going bad in my life. Right. And so there were times when we were close and weren’t close. We were, we all, you know, when I moved back to California from Vegas and you know, was, was living here and was building my life here again.

We only lived, you know, maybe an hour away from each other, so we were close. But when that happened we became a lot closer. We saw each other a lot more. You know, we kind of changed that I was on a more positive path, so I felt like, okay, to invade her wonderful life a little bit more. I think we both [00:57:00] needed to talk through some things you know, with our childhood and, you know, the things that we, you know, weren’t going to be able to discuss later in life cause she wasn’t going to be around.

So we had a lot of really deep and meaningful conversations. So it brought us, it brought us close. One of the bad things or one of the good things that are, there are too many good things, but one of the good things about somebody that might go through a prolonged experience with some kind of health issue, especially with cancer or something that could be you know, deadly in the end is that it does give you an opportunity.

Can give you an opportunity to. You know, have meaningful interaction with, with those that you, that you care about. We’re not always equipped to, to have those meaningful interactions, but it can provide that. And for my sister and I did so so it was, my life was kind of getting on track and her life was, you know, the reflection of it was going to be, you know, pretty short.[00:58:00] 

It just gave us a chance to bond, you know, pretty, pretty well. Oh, that’s, that’s fantastic. And yeah, sometimes those moments of, you know, what seemed tragic, it forces you, it’s a catalyst to really heal and to get things into place. So that’s, that’s wonderful. You had that experience and even so how long was it from the diagnosis to the passing of your sister?

She got diagnosed. Let’s see right about that same time that my kids were like four, just, just before they were five. And we, so she lasted just about four years. And so it was a pretty long arduous time for her. She, she had such a rare type of brain cancer that she became a board study for a comprehensive cancer center in Southern California, which probably prolonged her life and enhanced her care.

[00:59:00] So I was super grateful to them and I had done a bunch of fundraisers in her memory for them because I, you know, they really did a really special thing for her. Her journey was about four years. Over that time, right? I mean, went down a path of becoming very, you know, physically fit and a lot happier, more centered, more grounded, wonderful life with my kids, that the three of us were great.

And you know, obviously hers was deteriorating, but we I’ll tell you a story, David, we, we kind of made this, this pact. Near the end of her life, she wanted to, to show up physically for this event that was taking place in her. And in her honor the team of people that were going to do this 24 hour event and she wanted to be out there to go watch all of them, cheer her on and support her because she thought it was such a meaningful [01:00:00] gesture on everybody’s part.

At that time, I was kind of at the level where I said to her, Hey, I can run for the whole 24 hours. If you’re going to be out there watching everybody for the whole 24 hours, I’ll run for the whole 24 hours and show my support to you. And unfortunately she died a couple of days before the event, but it really provided a catalyst for, you know, I think part of the reason that you and I came together was the cycle of lives project, and it really provided a catalyst for this.

A new chapter in my life where I really wanted to explore the concept of why people were not really well equipped to deal with the emotional side of trauma. And when I was on that 24 hour run around a track, you know, surrounded by hundreds of people who were going through trauma of cancer or a loved one, or they were a caregiver of somebody that was going through [01:01:00] it, it was just something that just poured into every ounce of my awareness that people just were not equipped to talk about the emotional side of what they were going through.

And that really sparked in me a desire to figure out why, and to see if I could provide some insight to help others navigate that really hard facet of trauma, which is the emotional side of it. So before we move forward and you described that in detail on how people can get involved. What were you doing professionally at this time?

Were you still working on wall street as a financial advisor or were you doing something else at this point? So I had gone from advisor to manager to bigger manager to bigger manager. I basically was managing a bunch of offices in the Southern California area for a major wall street firm that was filled with a bunch of financial advisors.

So I was the guy that managed the people that manage people’s money. So I was running a big business. I had you know, a couple of hundred employees [01:02:00] and you know, it was, it was, it was a big job and a big responsibility, but that’s what I was doing at that time. So I was balancing I kind of three points that was balancing, right?

Like we all do. Ridiculous amount of responsibility at work, which was great because I was in a position where I could, I could get to do that. Right. I was being a dad and loving that because it was a more purposeful, meaningful kind of intentional parenting because that was, we were in a really good, safe, happy place.

And then I was embarking on this athletic you know, endurance, athletic kind of goal seeking kind of part of me. So it was very healthy, very wonderful time period in my life. So that’s what was going on at that time. And you know, that against the backdrop of seeing what was going on with my sister just gave me a little more compassion to understand that, that [01:03:00] the emotional side of what we’re going through, which we often don’t take the time or can’t take the time to comprehend.

Look when you’re dealing with things. Trauma, you know, battle battling a disease or whatever. You’re just dealing with the issues, right? How do I get care? How do I get this problem taken care of how to get my kids to, you know, be watched while I’m going to the chemo? How do I get from appointment to appointment?

How do I deal with my employer and time off of work? And you’re just dealing with that issues, right? That’s the emotional side of it we don’t often deal with. And so, because I was in a much better place and, and, and, and I, I could see that I could, I could see that in other people and I, and I really wanted to explore that concept.

And so that’s, you know, that was kind of the Genesis of it. Yeah. And I think a lot of people go through trauma and they’re so focused on getting through it. [01:04:00] They don’t really think about the after effects and not just for them, but for the family members, for the children, there are some, you know, Grooves that makes in our brain, so to speak in our memories.

And then if we don’t pick up and move to a clear channel, we’ll get stuck in that loop or with that feeling, or have some kind of fear, latent fear. So cycles of life. I want you to talk about that. Explain what it is and why you started it and how people can get involved. But before we do from that, roughly 45, your, your mark of your life back, is there anything we missed?

Is there any lesson you want to cover? Is there any truth you want to share before we move on? Yeah, I mean, I could share a lot. I mean, at that time I learned, I learned so much through endurance athletics that I found paralleled what I had learned in life and business. [01:05:00] And again, I think that there’s a there’s a group of people that are fortunate enough to have some guidance and some understanding and some awareness of the of what’s ahead of them.

You know, either because they’ve had mentorship or they’d have guidance, or they had a coach or they had a good education and kind of figure stuff out. I I’m more coming from the school of hard knocks on all of it on life, on business and on athletics. I found a lot of parallels and I, and I wrote this book that talked about kind of.

Idea, coupled with the idea of like doing things for yourself rather than looking for other people’s approval. And in there, I talk about a lot of lessons that I learned because I thought people like me could help learn from them, you know? And, and some of those, I think probably the most impactful is when we already talked about David, which is setting your goals much higher than you think you should.

Another one that I, that I I of used to walk [01:06:00] around, maybe not vocalizing it and maybe not from a defeatist standpoint, but I did kind of walk around wondering why things are always showing. And, you know, I think that that drove me for awhile and maybe for a long, long while as to why everything has to be so hard.

And then I realized that if you’re trying to do really difficult things, if you’re trying to do real meaningful things, if you’re trying to make an impact in your own life or other people’s lives, if you’re running a big, big business, if you’re doing big charitable work, whatever it’s supposed to be hard, like guidance didn’t know that.

I didn’t accept that it was supposed to be hard. And once you accept like something supposed to be hard, it’s not really as hard as the way you do, if you walk around going, oh, why is it so hard? You know? And so I kinda changed my, my mind frame and it certainly helped me with my kids too, and helped me with employees and running businesses is that things are sometimes if you’re trying to do [01:07:00] difficult things, they’re going to be hard just to accept that fact.

And, and I, and I, I loved that because it really helped frame my mindset around putting my more of my energy toward the task. Then more than more of my energy, trying to wrap my brain around why the task is so difficult. So I learned a lot of lessons like that, and I wrote about it in a book called winning in the middle of the pack, winning in the middle of the pack.

And so, so that was that was those, you know, I could go on and on about some of those lessons, but really, I think the. You know, the biggest couple where things we’ve already talked about. Okay. So now you see the need and the trauma that you faced in your family faced, and you get this idea for cycles of life.

Describe what cycles life is and what you’re doing. Okay. [01:08:00] So I’ll try not to give too long of an answer, but, but like I was starting to talk about David, is that when I was doing these events and I was really being aware of what people were going through and really trying to observe that the issues I really noticed that people struggled when it came to the emotional side of, of what they were going through.

And she’s, you know, every single person that I talked to or every person that I kind of was aware of was going through something difficult. It was the emotional side of things that they couldn’t talk to. And I realized that there’s gotta be some way to shed some light on that, try to figure it out.

And maybe even perhaps even try to help. Right. I don’t know that I have the answers, but maybe I could help put together a bunch of people that had the answers. And I thought to myself let me, let me tell you a quick story. What, what, what made me think about this is I was running like [01:09:00] I said, there’s big business for a major wall street firm.

And during the financial crisis one of my financial advisors, young family, very successful buckled under the weight of this dress and jumped off the building. Hey, anybody, if you’re ever having any negative thoughts, you, you gotta talk to somebody, you got it. You got tons of people that are willing to help, right.

Tons. Okay. But he didn’t, he didn’t have anybody to talk to his wife. His kids were coworkers, whatever. And David, before I could get. Trauma counselor in there. I walked around, I had about 50 or 60 employees in that, in that one building. And I walked around to each person’s office and I closed the door and I said, oh my gosh, can you imagine that?

And every single one of them, David, every single one, these were people that I had known for years. Right. I’ve gone to weddings, I’ve gone to funerals. I celebrate a birthdays. I had them over at barbecues. I’d help them with businesses. I, I mean, I’d sat down with them and their best clients. Right? I knew these people, every single one of them, David [01:10:00] gave me a story where they had a first person experience with.

A parent, a friend, somebody who grew up with an aunt, you know, a friend of their child, it’s like, unbelievable. I couldn’t imagine. I just couldn’t imagine it. Why? Because we don’t like to talk about that stuff. Right. It’s so unbelievably difficult, but we’re so affected by those traumas. And so when it came to noticing that same thing with people that were going through cancer, not just the people going through it, but their loved ones, caregivers and et cetera.

I said, man, why is that? What, what is it? And so I, I, I just said, I got to get a bunch of people that have very interesting stories. I got to get to the root of their issues. I got to find out what traumas they went through in life. I got to figure out how they did or didn’t deal with, with the trauma, with the emotional side of the experiences they had gone through how [01:11:00] they were able to, or not able to do.

Who they could rely on who they couldn’t rely on. I just really wanted to get the heart of their stories so that I could write them so that we could see if we could learn anything from, from those stories. And so that was the kind of overriding goal was to say, can I find enough interesting people that were varied in perspective, different types of cancer, different ages, different perspectives, different emotions, you know, that had vastly different traumas in their lives and, and kind of, kind of get to the root of how they were able to, or unable to navigate the emotional side of it.

And so that was the, that was the idea. No, if you were to summarize for our listeners, the book that you have out there, they can get, I’m going to put a link to the show notes, but if they’re doing with trauma, what are some, three or four bullet points say, Hey, here’s great steps to start taking. Well, sure.

So look what I, here’s what I did. Right. I got [01:12:00] 15 of what ended up making the book is fit 15 people. Again, doctors, caregivers loved ones, survivors, patients, family members, you name it all different ages, all different types of traumas that they experienced. You know, the suicide of a parent that drug abuse, addiction, making bad decisions, you know, being dealt bad, hands in life you know, self isolation, you know, you name it, all these different things.

Very evocative, very inspiring, very moving stories. And I put them together written first person from their perspective so that we could try to learn tools that would better allow us to community. With the people that are important to us, because you know that old saying, David, you never know what people are going through, what they have gone through.

It really, really, really don’t know what they have gone through what they’re going through. Yeah. That’s a hundred percent if you’re listening and you think all that person’s life so amazing. I wish I was like them. No, you have no idea. If they seem, [01:13:00] I, there was a guy I don’t want to go into the details, but he was like wealthy, like millionaire wealthy had a model.

I don’t know if she, I think she was his wife 20 years younger, you know, had everything you could ever imagine. The world’s eyes. And the dude ended up chopping himself up with an act like a saw in a sleeping bag during Christmas, because you’re so depressed. So you never know what somebody going. You just don’t end.

You also don’t know what they have gone through. Right. And so what I think is important is it’s pretty interesting because I got people that have been through, again, this wide range of crazy experiences, but to a T every single one of them hadn’t really talked to anybody. No. I’m not saying that they all didn’t have somebody in their lives that they hadn’t talked to, but somebody not, all of them said, said yeah, it’s okay to ask me whatever, because a lot of the stuff that we’re going to talk about are things I’ve never [01:14:00] talked about with somebody else.

So when I got to a free pass to ask people, everything that went through their brains, what they went through, and I did it in an environment that made them safe to talk to me that made it safe for them to interact with me in a way that I wasn’t going to judge them. I wasn’t a professional who’s looking to, to value what they did or didn’t do.

I just wanted to help tell their story so that we could learn from it. The stuff that they laid out, David was unbelievable. It was just absolutely amazing. And sometimes it came out of a positive experience and sometimes it came out of a negative. But it was really, really cool. And I think what the reader can can do when they, when they read these stories.

I, I, as I know from that, the people that have given me feedback data, and there’s, there’s been hundreds and hundreds of people that told me their thoughts on the book [01:15:00] is that, is that they come back to that thing, like, oh my God, I had no idea somebody might’ve been going through that. I had no idea that this is what people had dealt with.

I’d had no idea. This was the limiter that prevented them from, from asking for help or that made them push me away when they want it to pull me forward and those types of things. So I think reading these stories, we can all identify with what people have gone through, because now we know we’re seeing it, we’re reading it, we’re feeling it.

And then that gives us some insight into that. Kind of bring that into our own lives so that we can be better equipped to talk to the people that, that, that matter to us. And that’s, you know, I mean, I could tell you a story, a ton of stories from the book that would be indicative of that. I’m going, if you want to go there, we can go there.

But I think the most important thing to realize is that when you are given a time to really take a really deep, deep dive into what people have gone through [01:16:00] then you really have some compassion and empathy and understanding for what allows them, or has not allowed them to navigate the emotional side so that you can now take some of that knowledge and, and apply that to your own experiences.

And for more authentic, deeper connections with the people that you know, that are going through things. Does that make sense? Oh, a hundred percent. And I know in my own life, what I’ve observed in my own life when I’ve seen in other people’s lives is if you’re listening to this and you’re discouraged and you’re listening to David, grab the book, reach out for help.

If you need something, let us see if we can help you because I don’t. Oh man. There’s so many people. I know that not only had something tragic happened to them or terrible, but they had repeated things for years, but that permanent solution of suicide for temporary [01:17:00] problems, they didn’t cave. And they ended up being in a better place because they survive this trauma.

They are thriving. Now they have amazing lives and they’re like looking back like, wow, I almost gave up like how many guests on the show? If you listen to our show regularly considered suicide, but they listen to God instead of Satan. And they continued impressed on just doing the right thing day after day, and now they have remarkable lives.

Right. So Dave. Thank you so much for talking with us because it’s a real topic, especially with all this. I don’t want to get into Paul. I don’t mind talking about politics, but I don’t want to bore people around the world, but all this COVID pandemic. All this government failure, all this crazy control and propaganda that mainstream media is pushing out all around the world.

Not just America, it they’re striking fear into the heart of people. They’re having children, having anxiety and panic attacks. And there’s, they’re hearing [01:18:00] stories of this tragedy after tragedy. And so many people are seeing life as hopeless and they’re thinking about suicide. So this is a super, super timely, timely podcast.

Talk to us about cycles of life. What are you doing with the ministry specifically? How can people get active in it? How can people get involved to help it? How can we help people be helped by it? Okay. So, and thank you for that, David. And it’s not just something as drastic as suicide. How about and again, if any, if anybody has any negative thoughts, there’s plenty of people that and professionals that want to talk to you and talk you through these issues.

But I’m just talking about things like isolation or not. Not feeling safe to ask for help or feeling that asking for help is a negative thing. You know, it’s a positive thing because it’s allowing other people that care about you to express that care. So there’s a lot of things that we don’t [01:19:00] do because we don’t want.

Put our foot in our mouth. We want to say the wrong thing. We don’t want to burden people. We don’t want to feel guilty. There’s a million things that prevent us from forming these kinds of authentic, deep connections with people. And I think that if you’re on one side of it, you have to find somebody and, and they’re probably a lot closer than you think that can provide you a safe space to deal with these issues.

And if you’re on the other side of it, then all you there’s people that, that are not far away from you that need that help and want. And, and, and you got to provide that safe space for them, you know, to help, help them go through whatever they’re going through. What I did with the, with the book was all 15 people.

They they each had a a charity, mostly most of them a cancer focused charity Moffitt cancer center. And not that far away from where you’re at Moffitt cancer center in Florida NYU children’s [01:20:00] hospital, LA American cancer society. They’re all listed in the book and on my website, but they each one of the 15 had a organization that they felt compelled that they wanted to support.

So I decided that a hundred percent of the net proceeds from the book are going to support those organizations. So my primary goal with this book is to provide vocative interesting moving stories that we can take some of the lessons learned from other people’s lives and apply them to our own toolbox and how to, how to interact with others.

That’s the number one goal? The number two goal is yeah. Well, by the way, all the proceeds go to. You know, organizations that are helping people deal with really difficult things. So you know, that’s it, I, I, we, haven’t talked about one of the fun things about the book is that, that you know, my, my mission in life is kind of to, to you know, form help people form deeper connections through storytelling.

And I feel like we’re connected by [01:21:00] emotions. We’re connected by stories. So, so in order to connect the stories, I, I wrote my bike 4,700 miles in 45 days to meet the people I’ve been talking to on the phone for a couple of years. For the first time you’ll meet, meet most of them for the first time. And so I.

In between the 15 stories. I have a short little narrative of the people I met along the way, and you know, just some inspiring stories and, and, and a little bit about the bike ride and how difficult it was. And, and, and a lot of that. So I, I’m hoping that the book, you know, is not only inspirational for people, but also is, is insightful and, and also.

Yep. Absolutely. And again, we’ll put the notes in the show notes, a link, but where can they pick up the books so they can get inspired and read these stories? Sure. Well, the book is available at Amazon Barnes and noble, your local books, bookstore pack. I know you’ve got listeners around the world. I had a guy tell me, [01:22:00] Hey, I went to three bookstores in my hometown in Ireland, and none of them had your book or book.

I sent them an ebook. But you know, you’re going to have the audio book is on, on Amazon and it’s, wherever books are sold, it’s called cycle of lives. And it really is interesting. Like I like data I’m inspired by one person’s story, but I’m really not moved into action by it. I can get moved into action.

15 people’s stories like when I hear a bunch of stories and that kind of get some common themes, it means a lot more to me than hearing one person’s inspirational story. So I think that if, if you’re moved like me by real connection to characters, real connection to real life people and their experiences, this has of wide range of ability for you to connect with it.

Just a ton of different people at a really, really deep level. And, and I, I think it can move you awesome. My friend, well, David, I appreciate you being here today [01:23:00] from your birth to where you are today. Is there anything that we’ve missed before we get into where you’re going and how we can help you get there?

I know. Thanks. I mean, look, I’m one of the great things about what you do and, and, and podcasting in general is it gives people an opportunity to connect. And when you bring stories, I’m just really touched by the fact that you bring these remarkable people on and these remarkable stories, because what we don’t often do is gives our, give ourselves a chance to really learn about other people and their experiences, and not so much that we’re like in awe of what they’ve done, but just so we can maybe tweak our compass just a tiny bit, right.

To do things differently. So I, I, you know, And, you know, constantly driven by the idea that people are interesting and you just don’t know what they’ve been through and I’m dying to find out more. [01:24:00] So, you know, I just I would just say that that the only thing I’d missed is talking about how inspirational it was to me to find out more reality behind that statement of you never know what people will have gone through because when you do find out it’s super, super moving.

So I I’d say that. The one thing I’d say is if you’re, if you’re into this stuff, like what David’s doing, you, you, you know, you got to continue it because people are pretty remarkable, aren’t they? Oh yeah, absolutely. Everybody has a story and some people think, well, I don’t have a story. My life’s boring.

Everybody’s got a story. And everybody, if you’re breathing has a future, we’re not done yet. And I’m like, David was talking about whether you’re listening, whether you’re watching, whether you’re reading, no matter what you do, you need to. Like our slogan for the podcast. I don’t know if you know this statements, listen, do repeat for life.

So listening or absorbing great content is good, [01:25:00] but you need to do it. You need to apply it and then you need to repeat it consistently, like Dave did with his life. And then you’re going to have a great life in this world and attorney to come. So, Dave, I really thank you for being here, man. It’s been a pleasure and honor.

I hope we continue the conversation, the friendship, and any final parting words or thoughts to our audience before we sign off for the day? No, I would just say on adding on what you said, which is so, so beautiful, beautifully sad is is that Is that the way that we can kind of get in touch with ourselves and with those that are close to us in a deeper level is to just ask these open-ended questions and find out more, because what’s super amazing.

What you said was I was smiling in the background because every single person I spoke to and I spoke to remarkable people that had these ridiculously inspirational moving [01:26:00] evocative, just insane stories, every single one of them, David, in the beginning of my conversation with him had something to say like, ah, yeah, we can talk when my story’s not that interesting and their stories particularly interesting.

Right. And so to find out more. Just give people a safe space, ask open-ended questions and be a little present. It’s just, it’s such a, it’s such a rewarding experience and I’m really proud of you for what you’re doing. And thank you for giving me a forum to talk to people about what I’m doing.

And I know your listeners are embarrassed by the fact that their life is interesting, cause they’re just living their lives, but talk to people and you’re going to get a, you’re going to get a lot out of learning from them and they’re going to get a lot of learning from you. Well said. I agree a hundred percent.

Thank you very much, David. So ladies and gentlemen, I’m David alone. This is David Richmond. If you need me, if you need either one of us, please reach out through the [01:27:00] email, go to our, our podcast, show notes, whether it’s on YouTube, the website, your podcast player, click on, send Dave a message, visit his website, get the help you need.

We’ll give you as much as we can. You know, we can’t do everything and there’s only one of them. But there’s one of you and there’s 7 billion other people in the world. We’ll try to connect you so you can get the help you need wherever you are. But thank you, David. Again, you truly are a remarkable man and to our listeners.

We love you. Thanks for being here. Replay this episode. If you haven’t taken good notes or even just get that repetition, listen to it again, take all the good you can and then apply. And then we’ll see you next week for the next remarkable episode of the remarkable people podcast. Thanks again, Dave.

You’re super welcome. Thank you, David. All right, ciao.

[01:28:00] 

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David Richman | Processing the Emotional Side of Trauma, Avoiding the SAD Wagon, & Forming Meaningful Relationships S4 E77
David Richman | Processing the Emotional Side of Trauma, Avoiding the SAD Wagon, & Forming Meaningful Relationships book
Becca Ribbing | Finding Clarity, Your Strengths, & Life Path versus Your Life Purpose | Episode 78
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